My adult children are estranged from each other.

My aunt made the mistake of intervening between two children and seeming to take sides. One never really spoke to her mother again, there was a huge rift. I would say stay out of it and certainly don't take sides. They are adults, they need to sort it out themselves.

2 of my 3 children haven't spoken in 3 years. I feel for my middle child as he is stuck in the middle (literally). They are all in their 30's.
It's very sad for all the family, especially my grandchildren, as they don't see their Uncle any more.
I truly believe that they will never talk again.
Nothing major happened, they have never really got on and one day whilst we were having a family holiday it kicked off and my youngest decided that he doesn't want anything to do with his sister.
My son has asked me not to mention him and his life to my daughter, it's very upsetting.
Anyone in this situation I really hope the situation improves.

If you've treated them the same its not your fault. I don't have contact with my brother mainly due to how different we've been treated by our parents.

Tell all concerned that you’re not taking sides but feel they should grow up and sort out their differences……..life is far too short to bear grudges in the family.

In 2011 my mother celebrated her 80th birthday. She had asked me to organise everything for her which I accepted. I am disabled (rare neuro condition which I got in 2005) but the prodigal son had come back from USA where he fled when he upset the apple cart.
I didn't get an invite to her party, and when I went to take her gift on her birthday asked what I had done for this to happen. I was told "We are all sick of you playing on your illness" Everyone knew this wasn't true. On that I turned around and she then said "I have never asked you to do anything for me, and I have a lot of friends so don't need you"
That was June 20th 2011, she died without seeing me on January 5th 2025. She had found out that she did have lots of fairweather friends, but no genuine ones. I saw with my own eyes how their visitors dwindled with time. (She lived net door).
She always knew that if I walked away (which I never thought I would) I wouldn't be coming back so she knew what was in store.
It hurt like hell. I couldn't be more upset - but then realised that she hadn't thrown all of the rot. She and my father were making an LPA and she sent around to tell me it was the eldest and youngest children who were being appointed. I knew this would mean trouble for the pair of them.
All I could do is stand and watch - and report my suspicions to the Public Guardian. I wrote several times (each time saying I had no firm evidence), it took over a year and many emails before they put sanctions on them. The youngest was struck off (clearly his pockets were lined enough!) and the eldest one had to work with a solicitor approved by the courts. They then put my other brother as an attorney as the 3rd who had been appouinted was well known and he realised what this was going to cost him.
Very long story but if she had done the right thing and apologised it would all have been over with, but her strings were being pulled by my brother.
She died a lonely old woman, I'm not proud of that especially when I heard the eldest brother had lined his pockets to the tune of £2m to buy a farm.
Leave well alone, sometimes estrangement is the best. I am currently working with our 3 children for dividends that should have been paid to them from shares my dad bought for them. I believe he is foolish enough to think he can get around it, but all three have said to me to-day that he has had 14 years to sort it out ........... he had precisely 6 days to pay it all in full or the pre-prepared claims will be sent to the small claims court.

My DD is not speaking to her brother or SIL at the moment. It's been 3 months since brother's 2 children (13 and 16) bullied her DD age 10. They called her names and 16yr old put her in an arm lock. DIL really told them off, apologised to my DD and took them straight home. DD didn't get a present for 13yr olds birthday and hasn't contacted them since. It's a shame because she was very close to DB and SIL until this happened. I've decided not to interfere and just visit each separately. It was a bad thing to do and I think DIL did her best and even apologised to put it right. I'm thinking least said soonest mended hopefully.

Thanks Bettyyyy. I tried raising the issue with both sides last time I saw them, to no avail. Maybe I will stop giving little updates of news. They sometimes ask, but I instead of answering I will have to say no.

That’s such a tough spot to be in. Since you weren’t part of the conflict, maybe you could gently remind them how much you care about both sides and how sad the silence feels. You don’t have to take sides, just express your hope that one day they’ll talk again. Even a small step like that can sometimes open a door.

I used to feel sorry for my poor old Mum. My brother and his wife used to run me down and then stopped speaking to me. If I went to Mum’s and they were there they would just blank me. It was awful for her. I always said hello but they ignored me.

I did everything for her and they did nothing other than complain to her about me. It used to upset her dreadfully.

When she was diagnosed with dementia at 92 they had nothing to do with her. Never visited, never sent her a card for Xmas or birthdays etc. she died at nearly 97 having never seen them in those 5 years despite them living just 5 miles away.

I tried my best over the years but they are just very nasty, jealous people.

It’s amazing how many siblings don’t get on. But why should they really just because they come from the same parents. I hardly ever mention one of my children to the other as no interest is shown. But it does make things tricky. Hugely different personalities and I have accepted that nothing will ever change.

I and my DH had a falling out with my brother and his horrid wife. It’s been since 2019 and I never want to speak to her again but I would talk to my brother if it wasn’t for her. It’s affected my brother as we were close.
My parents don’t say anything they keep out of it and see both of us seperately. At the same time I don’t want to upset my parents so I do ask about my brother as he has health issues.

My daughter still speaks to them and sees them and again I don’t say anything to her and she doesn’t tell me when she sees them. It’s best that way and if she wants to see them that’s fine.

Op all you can do is stay out of their argument and enjoy seeing both of them you can’t force them to speak to each other but hopefully they will resolve their differences x

My twin daughters are 32 now and haven't spoken for years. They fell out as teenagers over a boy. We can't do anything as a family now , I used to try and get them back together, but gave up a few years ago. It just seemed to make it worse, it's sad , but their decision

An upsetting situation for you Cabbie and it really would be inadvisable for you to get involved as that could create problems for your relationship.

Two separate meals out is a good idea and you get to celebrate your birthday twice .

Thanks for replies. I have a big birthday later this year but I guess that will mean two separate meals out- a positive way of looking at it.

One of my sons does not have any contact with his siblings, his choice. We hear from him but rarely. He is a loner and never stays in one place for long. Seems happy so now I just accept it, that is after many years of anxiety.

It’s sad 🙁 but they are adults and they need to sort it out together

I can’t remember the last time I saw/spoke to my brother, and have more than a few friends in the same situation with their siblings. It’s really quite common, but not nice for mums and dads.

Sorry to hear this Cabbie. I have a friend who has been in this situation for nearly 20 years. It’s been hard.
Dont talk about one of them ( and their families ) to the other and hope for a rethink on their parts. Otherwise you will cope. My friend has.

I agree with not interfering too. My son and daughter are chalk and cheese and are not close to each other and rarely meet up but if anything untoward happened to either I would hope they would accept / offer help. I'm an 'only' child so it doesn't bother me too much

I agree with don't interfere

This is an issue between adults, let them fix this themselves

Don’t interfere and hopefully it will blow over. Don’t take sides or talk to one about the other. My adult children haven’t fallen out but aren’t close. One is jealous of the other. I just keep quiet and have realised I can’t change anything. It’s how it is. It used to make me sad but I’ve got used to it. It’s like having 2 different families.