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am i an abuser/abusive person

(29 Posts)
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M0nica Wed 31-Jan-24 19:51:08

Of course one act, when in a temper doesn't make you an abuser. You would be hard pushed to find anyone who hasn't at some time or another behaved aggressively to someone else, by shouting at them, throwing something on the floor or a deed of that nature..

Why on earth are you worrying about one action all that time ago. Sounds as if you have too much time on your hands, go and find some interest hobby or volunteer work to occupy your mind.

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mumofmadboys Wed 31-Jan-24 19:43:48

If it was a one off I think you should forget about it and get on with your life! We all have said or done things we wish we hadn't at times. My advice is don't dwell on it. Imagine you probably apologised at the time. Move on !

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MissAdventure Wed 31-Jan-24 19:43:11

It sounds as if you have paid a heavy price, for a long time, for what you did.

It's a repulsive thing to do, but well, you've never repeated it, and your partner is still around.

It seems you want to punish yourself?

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orchardtrees Wed 31-Jan-24 19:39:09

Hello,

I've been reading gransnet and not posting for a while. I am not a grandmother, I don't know whether I should still use this site.

I am posting because I have a relationship problem. I have been with my boyfriend for 18 years. Once in the earlier days of our relationship in a big argument I spat in his face. I won't try to give reasons/explanations for what I did. I have not done anything like this to him since.

He stayed with me, more than 17 years later, I still think he feels I am abusive and sometimes I think so to, because of this. Am I an abuser? Most people would have left me after I did this, but as he stayed and as i didn't repeat the offensive abusive behavior I have trouble thinking that I am an abuser, but many people say an act of a abuse makes you abusers, one or lots. I tend to think that domestic violence/abuse is a pattern of behaviours over a longer time, I would say the same if it was a man who hit/slap his girlfriend one time in a decade long relationship, I wouldn't see this isolated act as abuse, ut I could easily be kidding myself simply because I don't like to think of being an abuser which I am.

my past includes mental illness, not that it is ok.

was he right to let me have a chance after an incident of violence/abuse?

am i an abuser?

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