I don't like who I become when I am with certain people

Not at all is this a reflection on you nor weakness. You're simply realizing what's good for you in YOUR life. I went through something similar years back. I made a list of friends, coworkers, etc. and realized most of them were toxic for me. With that realization, I know beat with my own drum, lol.

Your fear sounds like a strength to me, L&P. Stay strong

I understand that you miss these people, but ask yourself if you miss them so much that you are prepared to return to a way of behaving that you say you dislike, or do you prefer the way you are now? If the latter, then really, you need to stay away from them and move on. Put yourself first, and choose the thing that you know is the best thing for you, not others. Good luck.

Is it something that you secretly or deep down long for? could you do it once and draw a line? Doesn't have to be a habit but could be a rare or occasional thing?

Surely this shows your strength, not weakness. If something is "bad" for you, it is madness to put yourself in a situation where you meet it.

Ziplok- Put yourself first, and choose the thing that you know is the best thing for you, not others. Good luck.

I think this is what feels uncomfortable to me. I am in fact learning how to put myself first nowadays and it feels good to do it, uncomfortable yet good. Letting go/ walking away from people whoI KNOW dont have my best interest at heart is what I am doing. It's the guilt of putting myself first as this hasn't been my comfort zone before. Quite the opposite. 'These people' msg me from time to time telling me how much they love and miss me. In some sense I think they mean it but going back to them means being in their world again where as I said I dont like who I become. They havent changed , I have. They feel abandoned by me. I have subtly tried to explain my reasons and they have got very defensive , so I dropped it. Thanks for replies.

If you hang out with them and don't revert to the old behaviour you want to move on from, would you have much in common with them anyway?
Sometimes in life we have to accept that we have changed, draw a line, and move on.

I like the saying I've learned on Gransnet that we have a mixture of:
"Friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends for life."

It makes it easier to understand that some people no longer have a place in our life and it is ok to find and make friends with new people.

If something is "bad" for you, it is madness to put yourself in a situation where you meet it.

Agreed. Nicely put!

V3ra- well said

I think you are being very brave, certainly not weak. It isn’t easy to put yourself first, especially when facing pressures and emotional tugs from people who have been close to you.

Loveandpositivity1 I also like "To thine own self be true" 😊

In Maltese we say that if you stay with a lame person for a year, by the end of it you'll be walking with a limp, too. So.... you don't like yourself when you are with them... limit your time with them.

You are showing maturity and self-love, which is proper.

If there are people who bring you down, they’re the wrong crowd. You should only seek people who bring you up and share the same values as you.

I’m in a similar situation, I believe, and it’s hard. I feel like the more I’m around this person I might say the wrong thing or something inappropriate when I see them acting out, not taking responsibility, and even breaking my trust in them… it might be time to take respite. Could be permanent.
USA Gundy

You need to be strong enough to lay down new memories with these people so that you don't associate them with you doing those behaviours (ie. you need to act in a different way to them and that will become your new norm in their company) but if you don't feel strong enough to do that it's good you recognise it.

Do what you believe is right for you - if you don’t put yourself first, nobody else is going to!

If a doctor had told you to avoid this group, because it was bad for you, would you do it?

I really can’t imagine what activity you’re avoiding. I don’t want to know, but if it’s something you don’t enjoy, or don’t want to enjoy, then as nice as it is that people are asking you to come back, you need to stick to your decision.

Be true to yourself. If they make you feel uncomfortable, avoid them and move on. I did that with a group I used to be close to, never regretted it.

I had to walk away from friends I had known since school days, but they weren't treating me well. Despite that I do miss them at times but I know I did the right thing and don't regret it. One of the friends got in touch a while back and we kept in touch for a while, but I realised I had changed from the person I used to be but they had not. We are not meant to hold on to people. If we did, we wouldn't grow or change. We need to move on and experience new things. I still keep in touch with the friend, just an occasional message at Christmas or birthdays. I also do not want to be influenced by this friend, so keeping the ties loose gives me the space to be my true self.

I’ve slowly started to do this. Some relationships last forever, but others are like butterflies, short lived. I really can count on one hand my trusted friends. I have no need for “friends” whose lifestyle is now so different to mine. We all change as we age, and I do things that I want rather than to suit others. Not easy at first, but boy, do I feel more comfortable with my life.
Well done you for making the changes L&P. 💐

Loveandpositivity1

If something is "bad" for you, it is madness to put yourself in a situation where you meet it.

Agreed. Nicely put!

I think the madness of being in a situation bad for you (or your family) is good reason to walking away without a word. No explanation necessary!

People worked out - unnecessary to keep others on for no reason.