Friend of 40 years

For what it's worth I would keep quiet about your thoughts and just be a friend to her. She might need a good friend in the future. If ,on the other hand, she asks for your opinion then tell her what you think in the most tactful and general of terms.

If its dominating the friendship so much its actually making you re think "whats in it for me" then you need to deal with it gently and tactfully so's to continue together

- only you know the best way to do this.

As in you appreciate her difficulties but lets talk more about (all the things you do have in common) and having fun together)

Its impossible to assess on limited information whether you being an outlet allows an impossible situation to continue only since she has an outlet ie you -

or its just become a "thing' she does - since she can - and she is capable of moving ahead in the friendship without constantly doing this.

Definitely dont attempt to offer advice unless its so glaringly obvious (like, "have you considered counselling") it hasn't occurred to her.

Just be there for your friend in a sympathetic and non-judgemental way. It's her life, and if she wants to continue living it that way, so be it.

I wouldn't under any circumstances be tempted to offer any "advice" about the relationship in particular. You'll only get drawn deeper into it, and if you're already uncomfortable with it, it will become far worse if you appoint yourself as chief confidante. You only have her side of the story anyway. Stay out of it.

Pambles01 didn't say if her friend moans to her.
I'm very glad I don't have any moaning friends. Discussing concerns, problems etc is one thing but constant moaning is just annoying.

As others say, avoid the subject of her relationship.
If she is a moaner, gently point out that she's always talking about it but getting nowhere.

My friend of 30 years constantly complains about her husband and tells me about every single argument they have. I would never put up with his lazy selfish ways and his neglect of his family. I have on a couple of occasions told her to leave him, she then back tracks and tells me that it’s not that bad really and she’s too old (60) to be on her own, although she effectively is. However, if I were her husband I couldn’t put up with her constant moaning. Maybe your friend is the same, she likes to have a good moan about her husband and paints him in a bad light for sympathy but he actually isn’t as bad as she makes out and would therefore not appreciate your advice.

Does she know how you think? Have you ever told her?

Good advice here. People do put up with what others see as awful treatment. They have their reasons and unless they ask for advice, I’d avoid giving it. If they ask, I’d be inclined to respond by asking what they think/want to do.

It’s her life and her business really , so I think it best to just be there to support her when she needs you . A lot of people put up with this type thing in marriage because the alternative is to be on one’s own . I just hope that she’s strong enough not to be taken advantage of by her selfish husband . She’s lucky she has a good friend in you which I’m sure she’s aware of .

It is so easy to judge others but you don’t always know the ins and outs of any relationship. I feel your friend needs you for support - just be there for her.

I’ve had friends who have put up with husbands who have treated them badly or been mean with them. I haven’t held back and have said things like ‘how do you put up with that’ ? It seems to make absolutely no difference.

Just give your friend support.

Her life, her choice.

Why would it strain your friendship.

Unless she’s driving you silly going on about it all the time.

In which case tell her you prefer to spend your time together talking about other things.

You are in a very difficult situation - however you have a very long standing relationship ship with her and that is so precious, please dont damage that! She may need you to support her in the future. Your friend will be well aware of what is happening in her relationship but may not be facing up to it ....... Yet! She will know you are aware of the situation and will also know you are there for her. In your situation I would watch , listen and wait. If she gives you any indication of her suspicion or distress then that may be the time to talk to her. Whatever happens I feel you should preserve and protect the relationship you have with your friend.