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Difficult husband, any advice please?

(33 Posts)
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Madgran77 Fri 07-Apr-23 16:58:10

Long term, ask yourself why you are putting up with him and his behaviour! Why are you tiptoeing around him, trying to talk to him etc while he ignores everything and just carries on? Be honest with yourself, are you scared of him? Are your AC? If so, you need to consider your future, your safety and walk!

Short term re your adult children ...meet them and partners elsewhere. Tell DH straight that you have done this because of his behaviour and none of you will tolerate it anymore! If he kicks off, tell him its in his hands to change and stop it.

If you know he is gas lighting you about something I'd just say "Do you know how ridiculous you sound turning this into my fault" , roll your eyes and walk away.

But all that depends on whether you are living in fear etc. So sorry you are dealing with this [ flowers]

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HeavenLeigh Fri 07-Apr-23 16:13:45

He sounds absolutely dreadful, I don’t think I could stay with someone who made mine and my children’s lives a misery, you only live once, and you are worth much more. It doesn’t reflect on you Redsally it’s him that’s saying these things not you, but I’m sure your adult children must be concerned when they know how things are in your household, he’s not making things easy for you. I feel for you. Not nice to hear.

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rosie1959 Fri 07-Apr-23 16:11:48

Just wondering has anyone one else stood up to him or pulled him up on his inappropriate language.
I would go and meet friends and family without him advising him that if he can not behave in a polite and civilised manner he can stay at home.

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Kalu Fri 07-Apr-23 16:10:22

Personally, I wouldn’t live with what you describe especially as it is now affecting your relationships with your AC.
The choice is yours though whether you want to live like this or as nothing you have tried to change the situation is being taken into consideration….time to leave him to it?

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Hithere Fri 07-Apr-23 16:09:58

This is a long term issue and he has been this way forever - you need to if this is a deal breaker for your relationship

Don't let this dictate the relationship with your AC and others - do what's best for you

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Nicegranny Fri 07-Apr-23 16:06:32

It doesn’t sound as though your husband has much going for him Redsally.
Why would you consider staying/living with someone that makes you feel so unhappy and also is risking ruining your relationship with your adult children?
Imagine how miserable you would be if your children were married and had children themselves and your husband ruined the relationship with them.
I would be waving goodbye to him already.

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Hithere Fri 07-Apr-23 16:01:17

How about you having a social life of your own?

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Redsally Fri 07-Apr-23 15:55:51

My husband has always been quite difficult but as he’s got older he’s become much worse.
Socially he’s a nightmare and his behaviour has actually made me avoid company with him because he always manages to say embarrassing things, thoughtless things and people are clearly upset by him but when I try to talk to him about it he becomes aggressive and makes out it’s my problem, so I now avoid going out.
It’s become more of a problem since our children have become older and have their own partners, they want to introduce their partners to us but have all said they fear what nonsense their dad is going to come out with so avoid bringing them home. When they do he always manages to make difficult situations by the silly things he says and does. For example my eldest daughter has recently started a new relationship and was quickly invited to meet his parents and the wider family, I’m thrilled for her that it’s all going so well but she’s avoiding bringing him home and said this last weekend, in tears I might add, that she feels anxiety at bringing her boyfriend home because of her father. In the past he’s sworn very coarsely, made misogynistic and homophobic comments or made comments about people’s weight or his favourite is just to talk about himself, usually making up stories to make himself look important and never bothers to actually engage with the visitors at all. He pretends he has knowledge of all sorts of things football rugby sports but makes it all up and looks and sounds really foolish in front of people. I’m left to feel sad and depressed because I always feel like it reflects upon me.
I’ve tried so hard to discreetly talk to him about things he does but he gaslights me about things and always manages to make it appear like it’s my problem. In the meantime I’m missing out so much on things with my family and socially. I’m so tired of him.
Any advice of how I might go forward or anyone with similar experiences?

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