Family unforging

Smudgie
There’s lots of info online explains the origins and use of this word. I could post a link but I’m afraid the articles ( of course) are littered with the word.

I didn't realise that Meryl Streep and I even did Chaucer for my Eng Lit A levels and hated all his works !! I thought it was f---- that was the Anglo Saxon word in common use at the time. I would have liked to have been a fly on the wall when this C episode took place but I suppose we will never know the truth of it.

Smudgie
To be honest, I don’t think we know, I thought at first the children were present, now I’m not sure, and we don’t know who if anyone he was referring to.
But whatever the situation, I don’t think any daughter would like to hear her father use the C-word.

Norah
The OP has never stated that he drinks to get drunk or that
they have asked him to quit
It’s one word, not a bloody hanging offence.

Summerlove

why are so many quick to say it was an over reaction? We dont know what the context was or what happened.

Why do people need to let things go if boundaries are crossed just because its family?

What can OPs brother do? He can wait and prove over time that it was a one off and that it will not happen again. No need for over the top sarcasm and jokes.

People are allowed to have hard boundaries.

All day and all night - this.

Family have no God given right to abuse, people may have boundaries.

why are so many quick to say it was an over reaction? We dont know what the context was or what happened.

Why do people need to let things go if boundaries are crossed just because its family?

What can OPs brother do? He can wait and prove over time that it was a one off and that it will not happen again. No need for over the top sarcasm and jokes.

People are allowed to have hard boundaries.

Why does no one forgive?

Because they don't like rudeness acted or said.

Change the narrative. They don't approve he drinks to be drunk. They don't like his drunk abusive language. They are reminded of things best buried. They have asked him to quit, he won't. My guess, he was drunk AGAIN.

Difficult to know what I would do without knowing more of the circumstances. Whether the children were even there, for instance.

At some point in our lives most of us need forgiveness from someone we care about. She is setting her children the example that if she does something they dislike they can just cut her off. She had better hope they are a bit more forgiving.

Sara1954

Not just anyone Smudgie, it was her father, I think my daughters would have some trouble with that, and so would I.

It’s a funny old world.
The word was once good enough for Shakespeare and Chaucer to use in their works.
I believe it was the clergy in the 1500s who demonised the word.

I take your point Sarah1954 but unless I have not read it correctly I didn't realise he had called his daughters C's. If that was the case I agree with you but do we have the full context of this behaviour?.

JPB123

Thank you for your replies….I have spoken to my sis in law who tells the same version as my brother..but she states that it is unforgivable and that he will have to do a lot to put it right..But what else can he do? Sackcloth and ashes?

Would self flagellation go some way to help the relatives forgive ?

JPB123 you asked, sis in law answered.

Brother can solve, try to disregard - not your problem.

JPB123

Thank you for your replies….I have spoken to my sis in law who tells the same version as my brother..but she states that it is unforgivable and that he will have to do a lot to put it right..But what else can he do? Sackcloth and ashes?

You'd have to ask your sis in law what more is needed.
It may be a 'last straw' situation and the relatives don't want to go into it all with you.

Try not to take a side.

morose

Just sounds as if they’re fed up with this moody man. The OP says he was remorse, drunk and unsociable. Spoiling the visit with his sulks, in fact.

The tomorrow, he’s sorry and everything should be nice now - until the next time.

Just fed up with pandering to his moods.

Not just anyone Smudgie, it was her father, I think my daughters would have some trouble with that, and so would I.

I find this whole thing unbelievable! I hate the C word, it is utterly degrading to women but to remove someone from your life because he said it seems really OTT. The family of the man who said C must lead very sheltered lives. He has apologised, he was drunk, move on.!

I hardly think that using the C word once constitutes behaviour also, it sounds as if the father has apologised profusely.

I also think there has to be more to this than this one incident. Maybe it was a last straw event?

There is hope there. If she says he has to do a lot to put it right, what does that mean? Is there a pattern of getting drunk and being rude to people? You can apologise but, if the same behaviours happen over and over, an apology doesn't cut it when it keeps happening.

Maybe asking what he needs to do will reveal the underlying problem and give him something in his power to change things?

I guess we don’t know all of the details, reading it again, it seems that the grandchildren probably weren’t present.
If that’s so, I would still be very upset with him, but maybe not enough to cut him out of my life.
I think it would be very unpleasant and embarrassing to hear your dad use that word, and I do have sympathy for his daughter.

I'm sure it can be forgiven but treating it as minor incident won't achieve that

People forgive when others take responsibility for their actions and change that behaviour

I agree Violetsky, I’m not sure I’d find it easy to forgive.
If my husband used that word in front of my grandchildren, I don’t think I would ever be able to get past it.
Overreaction on my part? Possibly, but I would never expect to hear it from any member of my family.

I certainly wouldn't easily forgive anyone who called me the c word in drunken anger

Your brother has work to do and he should do it. They deserve better

Seems the problem lies with your sister in law. Why is she overreacting so much. people do not always say when the problem runs deep.

Thank you for your replies….I have spoken to my sis in law who tells the same version as my brother..but she states that it is unforgivable and that he will have to do a lot to put it right..But what else can he do? Sackcloth and ashes?