Relationship with Son.

I am glad you have support, maybe this action will be the start of something better

Edge

I read the background and this was a long time coming

Why even let your son know you do not want anything to do with him anymore?
Calling the police is enough of an action to send that message

A note, call, etc, will add drama to this situation.

Edge26, you have been very very courageous. It must have been a very difficult thing to do but your son has not given you any option. Calling the police was the correct course of action. The next priority is to safeguard yourself in any way you can . Good to know you have siblings to support you. This is a shocking situation to be in and I can only imagine the distress this has caused you. Good luck , stay strong and many GN s are supporting you.

I have not been in your situation, but I have read through the replies, and yes good advice on here. I admire you for your strength , which must have been a very hard decision, may I add the right decision aswell ... no one deserves to have abuse thrown at them , whether physical, mental or spiritually ... I pray things will sort out for you ... a problem shared is a problem halved as they say ... God bless

Hi Edge26
Just wanted to send you a big hug and to say you’ve done the right thing. It takes courage and you need to put your needs first. I hope your son is able to sort himself out. As a parent there is only so much you can do and he needs to take responsibility for his actions past and present.
I’m glad you have supportive siblings x

I would just like to say that you are not alone - Gransnetters will always be here for you to offload - it may help a little.

You are very brave to take such a stance, something I am sure you wouldn't do unless it was really necessary.

Wishing you strength.

I want to thank you all for your replies. My brother who has been acting as a go between me and my son can not believe how my son has been treating me. I hope my son realises this but only time will tell.

I'm sure it will take a long time Edge but you've shown strength, bravery and determination to do this and those are not the traits of an easy push over. You're stronger, braver and more determined than you think. And your son is only just finding that out. Keep strong.

VioletSky,
Thank you.

Welbeck,
Thank you for your advice. I am 66 next month and I do have the support from my brother and sisters.
A restraining order would be the next step if he dosent stop his abuse. He has been told not to come to my house and no contact with me.
I'm not sure how long this will go on for so I gladly welcome your thoughts.

Don't forget to save or document any evidence of abuse incae you need a restraining order

Chewbacca,
I also hope the call from the Police does make a difference, but it is going to take me a long time to get over this if i ever do. Thank you.

i also think it's best not to speak to the person.
have you been advised to do that ?
could someone else do it on your behalf, or could you text/email instead.
be aware of possible aggressive reaction.
can you have support by friends/family visiting you, show you are not alone.
or could you go away for a few days.

can you get a restraining order ?
that will give you more legal protection.
not sure how old you are, but you might seek advice from wearehourglass.org/england/welcome-hourglass

or from women's aid, of course.
www.womensaid.org.uk/

www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

It must have been very difficult for you to come to this decision but you’re brave to do so. If you do call him don’t get drawn into any arguments about the whys and wherefores. He knows what he’s done and he has to realise that just because you’re his mother it doesn’t give him anymore right than anyone else to bully and abuse you.

Stay strong Edge

Very scary, brave and admirable of you, I’m sure it took a long time to get there. You have our support and I’m sure of many others, look after yourself x

I'm another who is fortunate not to have that experience, but wishes you well, and sympathises with you, Edge.

Stay strong - it sounds as though you have done the right thing, and there is usually someone around on here if you need to offload. .

Good luck Edge. When DD2 did this she was told by Women's Aid to write down what to say - eg. "I don't want any more contact with you. You are not to come to my house." Then stop, don't argue or listen to what he says but put down the phone. Otherwise you may end up with a lot more abuse. Please let us know how you are.

My deep sympathy to you. What a horrible situation to be in. Stay on here, we will all support you through this difficult time. Better what you are doing than living with the threat of abuse constantly surrounding you.

Being practical. Get the locks changed asap. Make sure your house is secure and that you can get in or out without being ambushed by your son.

Have a look at this site www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help also search on local sites for your local Woman's Aid group and consider counselling.

I wouldn’t speak to him, write him a note and post it to him.

And how to handle them... autocorrect went nuts

So sorry for the situation

Why call him? I would think of the consequences of this call and if they are had to handle (him screaming at you, threatening you, etc), you can always communicate your decision some other way.

I'm so sorry things have become so much worse for you.

I am glad you have taken steps to protect yourself.

No one has to have a relationship with abusive people, not even close family

What a horrid situation for you to be in. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I've never been in your position Edge26 but I applaud your stance in not his accepting abusive and bullying behaviour towards you. Hopefully, a word from the police will be the kick up the backside that he needs and he'll keep his distance from you from now on. You've done the right thing and I hope all goes well for you.