Gift of Friendship

She was giving you a massive hint the first time she mentioned it. Why go to all the bother of buying your friend a birthday present every year (and vice versa) - that is not needed and probably not something they particularly want.

I would just say to her that "yes, you realise it is a bit silly keeping on with these gifts and why don't we just go out for a nice coffee and cake instead". She will probably be very relieved.

Some people really worry and stress about finding a gift for other people. It says nothing about your friendship together.

Maybe she cannot afford to do this anymore. A 'handful' of close friends can be £100 per year at £20 each. Even a bottle of wine x 5 could be too much. Bring it up with her and ask her if she wants to stop but don't get upset about it - good friends can be hard to find.

I agree with the views here AiryFlyingFairy no longer exchanging gifts does not mean that you can no longer be friends and enjoy each other's company.

Hi,
She is the one who suggested the bottles after I didn't take the initial hint. I would have kept doing our usual gifts which was usually a gift voucher/booze or money gift so she would make use of.
I do feel the bottles are 'just for the sake of it' now so I no longer feel comfortable to do this.
Thanks for your replies

I cannot be bothered anymore with the exchange of gifts nobody wants or needs.

Gift-giving should be about the recipient but often It is the giver that makes a big deal of liking to give gifts.

I think you are making too much of this. It is simply that she does not want to swap bottles just for the sake of it.

Exactly what Galaxy said.
I think you’re overthinking this, just let it go.

I remember hearing in a film once 'we will be such good friends we won't even have to exchange birthday gifts'. This resonated with me and, in my opinion, equates to true friendship with no needs or pressures. Finding really appropriate gifts can be difficult but giving the same 'symbol' every year is naff. Why not treat each other to lunch or afternoon tea? That way you will at least meet up in a leisurely way. That would be my way. Any excuse to see her. I think you're reading too much into the situation but, since you are friends, can't you discuss it?

Oh dear. She was giving a very broad hint that she didn’t want to exchange pressies any more but you didn’t pick up on that.
Personally I can’t be arsed anymore as we ( friends) have everything we want and if there’s anything we want we buy it.?
Having said that I did buy my closest friend a birthday pressie last month because she had been going through a rough time.
I did tell her this wasn’t going to be a habit ( in a joking way ?)

Don’t overthink it, I have one neighbour who gets me a Christmas present that goes straight to the charity shop, I feel bad about it, but she just gets me weird stuff, so we just exchange a card now that she has moved to another village.

She still wants to be your friend, so don’t worry, if she is up front enough to tell you about the gifts I’m sure she would say if something else was going on.

Don’t be confrontational about this.

Friendships are organic and ebb and flow over time depending on what else we have going on in our lives. Giving gifts is part of showing someone you value them.
I also give birthday gifts to my friends, but sometimes it can be months after their actual birthdays!
If any of my friends said they no longer wanted to buy gifts I would certainly ask why and not just leave it hanging. Maybe there is more going on?
If she's manipulating and twisting things then how much do you really want to be friends with her?
Sometimes they just dwindle away- maybe you just have to let go however sad you feel, otherwise be more of a friend and ask what's going on.

I think you are overthinking things. My closest friend and I dont do Christmas gifts to each other, nor does my next closest friends. None of us need or want stuff. But we are very close and fond of each other.

Perhaps she doesnt want several bottles of her favourite tipple in her house at the same time. There could be several reasons for this. Perhaps she thinks (as I do) it doesnt make sense for you all to go to the bother of buying, wrapping and delivering presents when you all know what you are going to get anyway and you can (as far as you know??) afford to buy for yourself as and when you want.
This doesnt mean she doesnt want /value your friendship. I would take the pressure off her, as her friend, ( since she has raised the subject twice now!) and say you have been thinking about things and a nice card would do going forward ' as we all have enough going on these days'.

I guess, like many of us she can buy what she wants and finds herself giving unwanted presents away to charity shops. The favourite tipple makes me think this because it’s consumable.

I’m sure she values your friendship.

I can only speak for my experience with my friends.
I have 4 long standing close friends, we never give gifts.
Our family are the people we buy for.

Although you say your friend as no money problems, do we ever know this really!!
There may be things going on in her life you know nothing about.
If this was my close friend I would just ask straight out what the problem was.

I think she doesnt want to buy presents anymore but that doesnt mean she doesnt want to be friends. I dont buy presents for the majority of my friends.