Should we celebrate our Golden Wedding?

I too am in a loveless marriage and felt like this for 15 years or more,
My husband now has vascular dementia and 80 years old, I am 65
my daughters live in Oz and the U.S
so it is technically just me
I wish I had been brave enough to leave him.
Get out whilst you can

I would simply insist if any member of the family does realise that your Golden wedding is coming up, that neither of you want a celebration and that you had intended to travel instead.

Travel being out of the question, you are postponing the special holiday until is safe to take it.

It is hard to insist on no celebration, but it can be done.

Presumably, your adult children are all reasonably aware that your marriage has never been perfect and is not really a matter for a celebration.

If not, now might be the time to say something along the lines of, "No, we are not going to celebrate this or any other anniversary, as quite honestly your father and I have never really got on for reasons I don't intend to discuss. We chose many years ago now to stay together, but we do not feel it is a matter for celebration."

Don't "rock the boat", the "grass isn't always greener" and perhaps you just "cant see the wood for the trees"! (But on the other hand, of course "you're never too old"!)
Platitudes - yes! But they can all be so true. You have a lot to think about at the moment. Could you perhaps have a heart to heart with your husband (before the big day) to find out how he feels about your relationship? Does he know how you are feeling?
Whatever you decide to do, after the year we've all had, wouldn't it be nice to have a get together with your family anyway?

I’m sorry you’re feeling unhappy.
I left my husband after 38yrs of marriage. Why did I stay so long? Because I absolutely adored him, but unfortunately for me, he didn’t feel the same. Ten of those years I slept alone and it was lonely. There wasn’t anyone else involved. He just didn’t want my love anymore. We have three wonderful daughters, and I still can’t believe that beautiful love we had found together was gone for him.
I’m now married to a lovely, gentle man who loves me to pieces. We have a very happy life and I’m so glad we met.
So you see, there is life after a sad marriage.
I hope you can find your happiness again. We’re only here once quizzer. Make the most of what time you have left ?

My parents lived in a loveless marriage. My sister and I questioned Mum why she stayed with him. Her reply that she didn’t have to worry about money, lived in a nice house and Dad was a hard working sober person who gave her anything she wanted. We had a family gathering for their Golden Wedding and everything went well and amically.

Of course you must leave if he's violent, aggressive or controlling, but it sounds as if he's just cold. You have to decide whether to make a new life. Of course it's a huge step, and frightening I didn't end up taking that step, but my DD was younger, and he did change.
Perhaps you might think of moving nearer your children? If you are going to make a new life it's good to have an aim, and you could maybe see grandchildren.

I don't advocate living next door though!

wow. my first thought when I read the heading was, well celebrate that you made it 50 years.
then I am not in a good place at the moment, so apologies in advance, but my dh died in the November, before our 50th in the January.

we didn`t make it..

Why would you think of celebrating?Could you manage financially on your own?It would be such a relief to escape.

I felt as you do about our marriage, although it was less uncomfortable than yours, I couldn't stand his shouting.
I made all arrangements to leave, organised the solicitor etc., but I hesitated because, like you I had nowhere to go. When I told him I wanted to leave he was devastated. He really hadn't realised how much he was shouting. He promised me that he's never shout at me or my DD again, I said I'd leave him if he did.
For the last 15 years we have been very happy, drawn together by various disasters. We're coming up to out 50th next year. And he hasn't shouted at me, although he still gets angry with other drivers!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sorry but it seems as if this is all about you and how you feel. Have you ever thought to ask your husband if he would like to be free if a loveless marriage? A cheap card is still saying he remembers, there are many wives who would probably agree they don't even get that.

Just have a small family lunch. You have your family to celebrate with.

It’s our golden wedding in the summer too.
We will have a family lunch , hopefully in the garden. No big party, no fuss , just a little do to mark the occasion, and raise a glass to a long marriage with all its memories, good and bad.

If it really is a loveless marriage, you should split up. If not, one or other of you will very likely have to look after the other in failing health. Can you cope with the idea of doing that? Having looked after 2 husbands whom I loved in their final illnesses, I cannot imagine it being possible to do so with someone one doesn't love.

We're having a family get-together in Orkney on August 14th for our Golden Wedding and my sister's milestone birthday which was in January. I've booked a 4 bedroom apartment 4 minutes walk from our home. We did something similar in Cromarty for DH's milestone birthday for a week a couple of years ago. It's not something we had done before as we are not, and never were, party people. Folk buddied up in different combinations each day to explore the area according to their interests and it worked out fine although I fell off the sofa and injured my tail bone early on!!! There had been a bit of a rift in the family which began to heal during that time, although there was some awkwardness, so I am looking forward to this gathering very much.

This is sad. I think you should do something this summer to mark 50 years of marriage. If nothing else, have a family get together to celebrate being able to all meet up again after lockdown restrictions. If you don't want to frighten the horses by calling it a "Golden Wedding" celebration, call it a "summer celebration", a "post-lockdown shindig" or whatever. It's important to celebrate family and keep everyone in touch. Whether or not you ultimately want to find "the courage" to leave your marriage is a question that can be left for another day.

Will your husband remember it’s your 50th. Are you able to converse generally, if so, ask his opinion, or is there a close member of the family you can talk to about your feelings. If nothing is forthcoming then do something for yourself that you’ve always wanted to do.

It gave me great pleasure to celebrate our 50 years married alone, himself having left at 40 years for a ‘pie in the sky’ relationship with someone he said was ‘compatible’.

No-one seemed to notice the date or its significance and I just felt peace.

If you feel your marriage isn’t worth celebrating then don’t celebrate it, such a sad post living with someone for so long in a loveless marriage, sending you a virtual hug, Do something for yourself OP

I wonder what your husband would say if he was asked how happy and content he was within his marriage. Does he ever feel unappreciated or lonely? Does he miss the girl he married?
When did things start to deteriorate for each of you?
Perhaps asking each other these basic questions might help you to 'walk in each others shoes'. How would you each like the other to be now if you could change one thing about them?

I think you need to sit your husband down and talk about this. Maybe he feels the same. Do you want another possibly 20 years of this?

start planning and make sure your children know in advance .and see what happens ..if not go out for the day ...

If you don't feel you have something to celebrate and don't want to organise anything just now, you don't have to. If your children or your DH does, that's fine, that's up to them. But planning a holiday for next year sounds an excellent idea. Pre lockdown, my husband was in very poor health and make it clear he wasn't celebrating so I booked a holiday away which was enjoyed by both of us.

Don’t “waste” the rest of your days being sad and unhappy in a loveless marriage.

You deserve to be happy and you can do this alone.

It is never too late to make positive changes.

I wish you all the luck x

I hate celebrations perhaps because my husband never remembered the dates So on our 50th anniversary I told no one not even husband or children but invited two good friends to tea in the garden. I made an important announcement and my husband looked astounded. We all laughed and the moment passed. 3 weeks later he died and I was pleased that I had acknowledged the anniversary.

Just because your husband doesn't bring you flowers and only gives you a cheap card, doesn't mean he doesn't love you or at the very least care for you. Some men just don't do the hearts and flowers, that is just the way they are!
You said that you have thought of leaving several times and I can only say that there must be a reason why you didn't.
Not everyone has a marriage that you see in films or read about in books but the fact that you are still together, despite the negatives, for 50 years is definitely worth a celebration ! How about arranging an afternoon tea for the family (and maybe a few friends if allowed) or how about a picnic in a nearby park? We did it one year - someone took a gazebo and we all took chairs or folding tables and some food.
It was a great get together .
My parents asked for donations to a hospital where one of my nieces had been treated instead of presents (but still got several of those useless things in boxes!)