Should we celebrate our Golden Wedding?

Are you even fond of each other? Hubby and I jog along like neither and sister these days but I’d be devastated if anything happened to him and vice versa.

Jaylucy, how right you are! My DH doesn't 'do' cards and gifts but I know he loves me (and I him). I have been in a loveless relationship in my past (also no cards or gifts, but plenty of hassle and debt!). Do think carefully about any drastic move. Wishing you a happy ending to this conundrum.

Oh dear, Quizzer, you do sound so negative. If your marriage really is loveless I don’t see that you could celebrate. Does your husband feel the same as you?

Be honest, tell your husband and family you are not happy and have not inclination to celebrate 50 years of a marriage where you feel it hasn’t been loveless.

You never know, it might just be the shake up your husband needs to make you feel loved and appreciated.

I too will be celebrating my 50th anniversary this year. My DH is not an easy person to live with and we have certainly had a lot to deal with over the year. Losing our longer daughter was probably the hardness. She had anorexia and dies at 32, 10 years ago. I've thought about leaving many times but never had the courage. I probably have the courage now but don't know how I would cope on my own. So difficult when you get to our age. I will certainly be celebrating. Not a party but definitely something nice with our other daughter and grandson. Our anniversary is not until December so hopefully restrictions will have easer by then. Quizzer, only you know how things are and whether things can improve. Talk to him, its what I do and it does help. Sending you a virtual hug.

We are in a similar marriage, our kids didn’t know about it and the day slipped by unmentioned, no regrets we are friendly and have a great family which is what matters

A friend had her Golden Anniversary in similar circumstances. The family insisted/ she agreed to a family meal out. No speeches. She did keep joking 'I survived'. Hopef6in private with dcs. Incompatible couple

What has kept you together for fifty years.?Is that in itself not worth celebrating?
Do what you and H want not what is expected when no doubt both of you have often wondered 'why are we still 'in this marriage'.This is yours and H day and unless both of you 'wish to remember' the vows you made fifty years ago then keep it as low key and a day that suits you both.

That’s my marriage you’re talking about Quizzer !! I’ve pm’d you.

I wouldn’t celebrate anything apart from your children what is there to celebrate about. You’ve spent your life with someone who doesn’t make you happy, I would have left years ago. Just let the day pass by, if your children don’t even know the date it doesn’t matter, I’m sure your husband isn’t going to mark it. I would have a nice holiday with a singles group when you are able.

Nothing is wasted-as others have said whatever you do you can celebrate your own steadfast-ness in the face of what sounds like a testing situation what doesn't kill you.makes you stronger-do you have a close friend outside the family circle -sounds like you.nneed a confidante !

I wouldn't celebrate a loveless marriage but then I wouldn't have stayed in one

I think the in-laws have done 3 generations together at Center Parcs. Certainly I've had colleagues do it.

I'm so sad reading this. If you are not happy in the marriage then why have a celebration for it, don't feel like it's a thing you have to do cos it's expected.
Tell him you need a bit of pampering after the last year and go to a spa or something for a day, maybe one with golf or something that he enjoys. A day out together, but also time out from each other.

I feel the same as you. I would refuse to celebrate any wedding anniversary or birthday.
Very few people are happily married after such a long time but where else would you go.
Just have a family dinner.

I did not want any kind of family celebration as to me wedding anniversaries are for the couple. What did happen was we booked a weekend at our honeymoon hotel. The 3 AC found what we were intending and they arranged to pay all the costs. Lovely surprise when we went to settle the bill. Would have indulged in the champagne a bit more had we known we weren't paying!

What about getting your husband to hire a grand house for all of you for a weekend somewhere ( some come with a chef ) then you’ll prob all enjoy being together more so than just the two of you.

You sound sad,so sorry,what about arranging a Zoom get together with your children,safer for all————then order yourself lovely flowers and some really nice gift something you have always wanted and better order something for your husband that he would like.Obviously you just have to make the best of the situation.When you get up every day just say to yourself “I’m going to be happy today what ever happens” fix a smile on your face,if sad phone a friend,not to complain,just a happy friendly chat,the very best of luck.

When I told my daughter about this post she said " Mum I didn't know you posted on Gransnet!". So here I am replying.
I too will "celebrate" 50 years this summer. with a family get together and old friends, Covid withstanding. It has been a long, sometimes very unhappy, angry, verbally abusive and controlling period. I stayed for various reasons: financial, the children because he threatened to take them from me if I left and told me I could leave with what I stood up in. My grown up children know my life with him hasn't been and still is not easy but I think that "surviving 50 years" is something I can acknowledge, knowing that I kept the family unit as safe as possible in my hands. The grandchildren adore him so I can easily pretend again that I can "do" another family get-together and just go on. I'm sorry to hear that your marriage is a loveless one. Is he open for discussion, listens to how you are feeling? [Mine isn't and will never change]If not and if you feel there is nothing left for you to save, reclaim or change, then you have some important choices to make. My best wishes for your future.

Aren't we such a sensible lot? I agree with all of you, especially Peasblossom. How many of us couples, making 50 years of marriage!!! have been happy ALL the time?? But yes, to celebrate what that marriage has bought, family members is the best way to go. I wouldn't bother with any big party, just a nice break away somewhere. Good luck and congratulations!

Sometimes you just become complacent and just trundle along. But really if they weren’t there how much would you miss him? You won’t know the answer to that until it’s too late. Not being judgemental and I’ve been married for 44 years this week but I know what you mean. Sending you a virtual hug.

I'd agree with the idea of a family get together. If you're financially secure enough, maybe consider renting a holiday cottage/house as equidistant from all households as you can (obviously covid permitting). We organised holidays for our lot for our fortieth anniversary (it would have been just the one if everyone could have got time off together). My parents idea for their golden was they pretty much went on holiday for the year. All the places and activities they'd never got round to before, with a fairly equal amount from each others wish list. No one big blow-out just to keep other people happy. I hope you find a way round this that you can be happy with.

Our 50th is on Saturday, DD1 and GCs are too far away to come up, DD2 is recovering from an op.
I think DH has forgotten.
I’ll take the dog for a long walk and maybe later in the year we can get together as a family and have a meal.

If you don't make each other happy there isn't anything to celebrate why put yourself through something that is unnecessary my advice is keep quiet and hopefully the day will just pass

Hi I haven’t read hardly any of the responses but if this was me I’d decided what I wanted to do take a wad of money from the bank account and book they kind of celebration I want and say to th3 other half he is welcome to share or not, but you are out to enjoy yourself! Have a fab time. Xx