Should we celebrate our Golden Wedding?

You sound sad,so sorry,what about arranging a Zoom get together with your children,safer for all————then order yourself lovely flowers and some really nice gift something you have always wanted and better order something for your husband that he would like.Obviously you just have to make the best of the situation.When you get up every day just say to yourself “I’m going to be happy today what ever happens” fix a smile on your face,if sad phone a friend,not to complain,just a happy friendly chat,the very best of luck.

What about getting your husband to hire a grand house for all of you for a weekend somewhere ( some come with a chef ) then you’ll prob all enjoy being together more so than just the two of you.

I did not want any kind of family celebration as to me wedding anniversaries are for the couple. What did happen was we booked a weekend at our honeymoon hotel. The 3 AC found what we were intending and they arranged to pay all the costs. Lovely surprise when we went to settle the bill. Would have indulged in the champagne a bit more had we known we weren't paying!

I feel the same as you. I would refuse to celebrate any wedding anniversary or birthday.
Very few people are happily married after such a long time but where else would you go.
Just have a family dinner.

I'm so sad reading this. If you are not happy in the marriage then why have a celebration for it, don't feel like it's a thing you have to do cos it's expected.
Tell him you need a bit of pampering after the last year and go to a spa or something for a day, maybe one with golf or something that he enjoys. A day out together, but also time out from each other.

I think the in-laws have done 3 generations together at Center Parcs. Certainly I've had colleagues do it.

I wouldn't celebrate a loveless marriage but then I wouldn't have stayed in one

Nothing is wasted-as others have said whatever you do you can celebrate your own steadfast-ness in the face of what sounds like a testing situation what doesn't kill you.makes you stronger-do you have a close friend outside the family circle -sounds like you.nneed a confidante !

I wouldn’t celebrate anything apart from your children what is there to celebrate about. You’ve spent your life with someone who doesn’t make you happy, I would have left years ago. Just let the day pass by, if your children don’t even know the date it doesn’t matter, I’m sure your husband isn’t going to mark it. I would have a nice holiday with a singles group when you are able.

That’s my marriage you’re talking about Quizzer !! I’ve pm’d you.

What has kept you together for fifty years.?Is that in itself not worth celebrating?
Do what you and H want not what is expected when no doubt both of you have often wondered 'why are we still 'in this marriage'.This is yours and H day and unless both of you 'wish to remember' the vows you made fifty years ago then keep it as low key and a day that suits you both.

A friend had her Golden Anniversary in similar circumstances. The family insisted/ she agreed to a family meal out. No speeches. She did keep joking 'I survived'. Hopef6in private with dcs. Incompatible couple

We are in a similar marriage, our kids didn’t know about it and the day slipped by unmentioned, no regrets we are friendly and have a great family which is what matters

I too will be celebrating my 50th anniversary this year. My DH is not an easy person to live with and we have certainly had a lot to deal with over the year. Losing our longer daughter was probably the hardness. She had anorexia and dies at 32, 10 years ago. I've thought about leaving many times but never had the courage. I probably have the courage now but don't know how I would cope on my own. So difficult when you get to our age. I will certainly be celebrating. Not a party but definitely something nice with our other daughter and grandson. Our anniversary is not until December so hopefully restrictions will have easer by then. Quizzer, only you know how things are and whether things can improve. Talk to him, its what I do and it does help. Sending you a virtual hug.

Be honest, tell your husband and family you are not happy and have not inclination to celebrate 50 years of a marriage where you feel it hasn’t been loveless.

You never know, it might just be the shake up your husband needs to make you feel loved and appreciated.

Oh dear, Quizzer, you do sound so negative. If your marriage really is loveless I don’t see that you could celebrate. Does your husband feel the same as you?

Jaylucy, how right you are! My DH doesn't 'do' cards and gifts but I know he loves me (and I him). I have been in a loveless relationship in my past (also no cards or gifts, but plenty of hassle and debt!). Do think carefully about any drastic move. Wishing you a happy ending to this conundrum.

Are you even fond of each other? Hubby and I jog along like neither and sister these days but I’d be devastated if anything happened to him and vice versa.

Gosh, what a sad tale. Are you really so unhappy all the time or is it a blip that happens now and then?
Is he happy? Have you talked to each other about your relationship?
Marriage is like a garden or a home or even a bank account, the more you put in the more you get out.
Maybe try telling him something funny so that you laugh together, brush his shoulder lightly as you pass behind him. Give him a peck on the cheek if he does something nice. If you show some affection for him, he may show some for you. Behaviour breeds behaviour.
If I felt like you I would either leave or invest. I wouldn’t continue to feel unhappy, life is far too short.
Forget the anniversary just make each day a better one. Good luck.

Quizzer, I know a few people who are in perfectly happy marriages who don't celebrate their anniversaries so,if asked, just say that you don't usually bother. You say that your children don't know the date of your anniversary so presumably previous ones such as silver wedding have not been celebrated. Therefore, why not just ignore the whole thing but, as a previous poster said, if you get on all right on holiday, why not book something in this country. You don't need to tell the children why.

Due to COVID we didn’t celebrate our silver wedding this year
I can’t even remember what we did so does it really matter if you celebrate or not, it’s just another year like birthdays

We renewed our wedding vows last year at our Golden Wedding. It’s not been an easy path over 50 years but decided to do it. We hired a private dining room in a nice hotel and invited friends n family who meant something to us. Sadly it was just before lockdown and our son coming from other side of the world had to cancel. I’m glad we did this as looking back over the past year we have lost friends and family member to Covid. Life is so very short. Your Golden Wedding is just once. Go and make an effort to enjoy it even surprise your husband there’s always two sides you know.

Jeannie59

I too am in a loveless marriage and felt like this for 15 years or more,
My husband now has vascular dementia and 80 years old, I am 65
my daughters live in Oz and the U.S
so it is technically just me
I wish I had been brave enough to leave him.
Get out whilst you can

How sad for you, and I completely agree!

I wish you a more positive, peaceful and happy future, hope you have some good, close friends xxx

If your children don’t know the date of your marriage, let alone that it will be 50 years, how will they ‘find out’ unless you or your husband tell them?

If you don’t want a ‘do’, I would keep quiet.

Having just lost 3 dear friends, all leaving behind very bereft husbands, my advice to you is don’t waste a second of your life, every moment is just so precious. Chat openly with your husband, don’t hold back. Even if you don’t want the split, just be housemates, then just live your life as you want to, travel, see friends, health spas etc whatever it is that you wish to do with your life. We owe it to ourselves not to waste a moment as we’re all a long time dead.