My Son Knows Everything

You could try saying how dare you speak to me like that in my own home! I have as much right to an opinion as you!

Or, could you write him a letter telling him how upsetting his treatment of you is and is there something he's not telling you that's behind it?

Btw, is your husband his father? Could he not have a word with him? I understand you're worried you may lose contact with the grandchildren, but you can't let yourself be treated like this, it's so disrespectful and if you allow him to continue it'll only get worse.

You have allowed him to get to twenty-eight and behave like this?
This is just rudeness and you and your husband should not tolerate it.
What effect is it having on the children?

On such an occasion I have said.... but that’s just your opinion.

Also have said ..... did you mean to sound as rude as you did.

It might not have made much difference but it made me feel better.

I certainly would not tolerate his behaviour totally bad manners on his behalf,how does he get on at work I wonder with an attitude like that ?
Neither of my boys would speak to me or their father in this tone they have been brought up to respect others,has he changed since he left home and married or has he always been this way.?

You could say.....I could agree with you , but then we would both be wrong!

That is a good reply Nannyjan!

WhiteRabbit whatever you do, don't let it depress you. Love him, but ignore this unlovable trait.

You could actually say I'm going to ignore that you said that.

Don't let it depress you! It's not worth it.

OP

Do you see a common denominator on the subjects that are problematic?

How about seeing the same issue through two different points of view?

I would avoid problematic themes and cut the conversation short when it happens.

Watch and wait........someday he WILL come to you with a question............just say "don't ask me, you're the expert after all"!

My sister is omniscient. Of course, it doesn't help that I know I'm right every time! If she contradicts me, I change the subject. After all, she's the only sister I have left and we love each other dearly.
Is your son an only child? I'm sure that if he had siblings they wouldn't have let him get away with this know-all act. Does his wife really believe in him?

my contribution to the conversation was trivial

My response to that would be *.and your contribution is just rude*and walk out!

I would not get into discussions if he starts ranting at you ...just keep saying "that is rude" ,,,"there is no need to be rude"...."happy to have a discussion but not if you are going to be rude"

However as you appear to be concerned about the possibility of ruining the relationship and therefore losing contact with your grandchildren I suspect that you are taking everything on the chin, allowing his behaviour, his wife's behaviour and not commenting at all. Is there more to this than just his behaviour? Do you look after the children at all, do they rely on you for that? I am asking because I think you need to look carefully at the context of his behaviour within the bigger picture.

I am truly sorry that you are dealing with this as I know how painful it can be

I got DS one of these for his birthday ?

I actually got him one of these

I may get my GS one of those! But he’s only fourteen and has time to improve........ or not!

Well he can't pontificate and be superior without an audience, so I'd be inclined to just move to the kitchen, put the radio on, make myself a coffee, catch up on Gransnet and leave them all to their highbrow conversation ?
You might even find your husband joins you ?

Thank you everyone, your suggestions are so helpful. My son hasn’t always been like that so it’s hard ‘putting up’ with him at present.

I hope it’s just a prolonged phase of over confidence. I’m going to try a few of the tips you have given me, it’s so nice to have your support.

Just a thought as you say this a fairly new side of him, but does he work in an environment where talk like this is commonplace? New job? Recent promotion? Is he slightly out of his depth there and bringing his insecurities to your door?

Hopefully he'll "get over himself" soon.
Always remember you were clever enough to change his nappies when he needed you to!

I would just calm down and not worry yourself about it, just smile and say “oh really, I did not know that”. He will one day look back and realise just what a smart arse he was. Don’t risk your relationship for something not important. You never need to tell an ars%#*le they are an ars%#*le everyone knows anyway!!

Thanks for the Pam Ayres link, CraftyGranny!
I’ve seen Pam Ayres live - hilarious - but wasn’t familiar with that one, have forwarded to sister in the US who loved it and has forwarded it on to friends.

Try saying “Of course, dear” in your most patronising voice. If he questions that say, equally patronisingly “Well you know everything, don’t you”.

Got a SiL like this. Guess (hope) it's an age thing.
Sorry no tips - DD sides with him too.

It is amazing how when I was young people used to expect me to know stuff and have 'expertise' when actually I knew less and was sillier than now when I am 89 and wrinkled and bent.

I remember when one of my sons was young around 15 yoa i told to leave home whilst you know everything.
That shut him up.
It might be a good idea to say nothing when your son is around,then if he asks why your not saying anything,be honest and say there is no point,you know everything.
He MAY be embarresed.

It's not about whether he is right or wrong any more, is it? I think the idea of saying 'did you mean to sound so rude?' is a very good one. I know by experience this sort of behaviour is very wearing, hopefully he doesn't visit too often! Or maybe you could keep discussion to subjects like the weather. I now use 'then we must agree to disagree' followed by a forceful change of subject. If the attempt to change the subject doesn't work, I find something needing my immediate attention in another room, where I breathe deeply while I count to 10 ... 100 ... however long it takes! Hopefully, he'll see his behaviour is spoiling his visits and tone it down, but really, if no-one challenges his pomposity, I can't see it happening in the near future.

My 29 year old son can be just like this. Thank god he no longer lives with me. He has v little real life experience and has just broken up with his girlfriend. He seems fully convinced that my life is dull, my views are wrong, my ideas are stupid/crazy. He is still dependent on me temporarily to do his washing ?as he couldn't figure out how to connect the new washing machine and was too stubborn to let me help.
I decided to deny him an audience for the time being and I feel better for it.