I decided age 49 to stay single

How awful to have suffered such a blow to your sense of wellbeing. I think it is great if you are comfortable enough in your own skin to take on the world by yourself. I suspect I will be the same if anything happens to my husband. I can't imagine that I could ever have what I have with him and after two failed marriages before I met him, I don't want to settle for anything less. I'd be happy for an "escort" to go to events or to have dinner with occasionally but they can keep the rest!

50 years ago I got married. After ten years of physical abuse I devorced.
I enjoy men's company and have had a few relationships but when asked would I get married again No . My daughter is now 49 unable to form an attachment

Even if you have got a partner, there is no guarantee that you will grow old together. I am 67 and lost my beloved husband 9 years ago.
I would also say that not actively looking for love is not the same as saying it will never happen unless you live in complete solitude and don't even go to the supermarket!

Yes. I've had exactly the same experience - taken for everything I had; my home, my money, my sanity and my life. I'll never be able to trust a man again either.

It's sad and the isolation and loneliness are crushing at times,
so are the memories, triggers and flashbacks.

I have a new little home now - not much, but it's all mine and I will never ever allow anyone to take it away from me however plausible they might seem at the beginning.

I can fully agree with you. My one marriage failed and I was divorced by my early 30s, my son was under school age at the time.
Ex husband had an affair with one of his co workers when my son was a few months old. He eventually married her.
I went out with other single parents socially, but it always seemed to be them that picked up the blokes that all became either a long term relationship or got married to. I only seemed to attract men that were similar to ex!
Tried online dating but found that many weren't the same as their profiles!
Once I found it was possible and even fun to be able to go on holiday on my own, plus go to concerts etc also solo, I just decided to stay single.
Yes there are the odd times when it would be nice to have someone male to go out for a meal or go out and about with but I enjoy having the independence of being able to go and do what I want, just about when I want!

I’ve been married nearly 49 years and wouldn’t change it for the world. It would be nice if he was a bit more romantic. If I attempted a candlelit meal he would assume the leccy bill hadn’t been paid.

I’ve been very close to some heartbroken women and can understand the need to wrap a protective shell around your heart, especially if you’ve suffered financially as well.

Initially the seemingly romantic love bombers must seem like a gift from above but the fall out must affect you so much.

However, A friend of a friend had a long term gentleman “friend” who she went out with several times a week. They lived separately and contributed equally for outings.

Sadly he died very suddenly and she now regrets not having a fuller life with him.

It all seems to be a bit of a lottery!

Would monogamy be better if it were less exclusive?

I left my husband 11 yrs ago at the age of 44 & got a divorce the following year. I had a bad marriage, he was very controlling to the stage I wasn't even allowed to get a job as he wanted me at home so he knew where I was. We had no children, I had moved away to a different country from family, friends, etc for him and lived a very lonely life. I finally plucked up the courage to leave him and since then I haven't been even on a date with anyone. He destroyed my confidence, I have been asked out on dates, but I always refuse.
My friends would love me to meet someone, saying at 55 it's too young to be on my own, but I'll not take the chance of getting another idiot. They are in couples, most on 2nd marriages and I think at times it must be nice to have someone, but it's been so long now and I'm set in my ways that I know I'll live the rest of my days on my own.
I have my own house, no mortgage and have a comfortable life that I know I will continue to have on my own.

Yes, I have experienced the same but only my holiday home abroad. I vowed the same and have been on my own since 2009. Would have been nice to have a friend but not to live with, as anything I have will go to my daughter and grandchildren. I am extremely independent and I would view any potential partner as a threat to take everything from me.

How I feel exactly. Well said.

I have been alone for 20 years. I have gone out occasionally with men....one for a year and another for six months. Another for 3 months. I ended the relationships. I will be 70 soon. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. Is 70 too old to look for that special person?

At 49 I am on my 4th marriage. Never give up on finding your soul mate (if you want to) & if you choose not to then just live your life how you want to. Most of all be happy

I’m 51 have no intentions of having a relationship again after my ex husband. He has put me off relationships ever again. I’m happy , I love being able to do my own thing, freedom !!!!!!!!!! ?

I had a close friend and a sister in a similar position to yours.

The important thing is that you are happy with the choice you made.

Your children naturally want the best for you, and being in happy relationships themselves probably feel that being a couple is the answer!

Well, it isn't always.

Whatever choices we make in life, there will always be some things we could have wished were different.

The feeling that it would be nice to have someone to come home to, I remember from my single days.

When it crops up, could you perhaps have a treat of some kind you give yourself to look forward to, when your home feels empty?

Unless of course, you would consider keeping a pet of some kind? But of course that poses the problem of what to do when you want to go away from home, whenever that becomes possible again.

I've been a widow for 3 years.I was building a new life before lockdown,and almost felt happy again.But I'm so lonely now.I'm 69,and couldn't imagine meeting another man,though I know women older than me who have.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I’ve also had 2 divorces. Husband no:1 was a jealous controller, no:2 became an alcoholic when his business collapsed. I had another relationship and found out that he was a secret drinker, so he was shown the door too. Like others I now love my life, am happy, relaxed and carefree. My 3AC have wonderful partners and children so are all happy and settled. I have fabulous friends, always there for me and I travel the world on Singles holidays. I would never allow any man to spoil my happiness, am sure there are loads of lovely men out there .... however, I have nothing left to give to any man. My peace of mind and my freedom are far too important to me.

I’ve been on my own since 2006, I love it! The best thing is not having to justify or explain what you’re doing, whi you’re doing it with and why!

Sorry, why you’re doing it............

On reading all of these posts I realised that I wasn’t alone in being single for all these years. My friends and family all gave up asking me years ago if l would like to meet someone but l started to ask myself
“should I have tried to meet someone?”
LizH13 I understand how your mother felt and l have to say that “l have let it go”. I no longer think about the fact that I had a lovely home mortgage free , how did it happen? I’ve worked way out of my comfort zone, travelled a lot and stretched my independent streak even further than l imagined l could.
Some of the posts also reminded me of the price that is often paid for a relationship gone wrong!
Nope it’s not for me l am happy single and like a lot of people “l think this lockdown must’ve got to me to even doubt myself”.
X

Nicegranny
I congratulate you on having made a life of 'your' choosing and feeling happy with that decision.
Now how ever it appears from comments made by your children. asking yourself. whatnow ?
Can you see yourself after so much independence, doing what and when, for the sake of 'having someone to come home to'.

I'm married for the third time. In my twenties, I thought divorce only happened to other people and wouldn't affect me!
First husband had an affair with a much younger women and we divorced when my kids were 10,12 and 14. Second husband turned out to be controlling and was probably a homosexual in denial. I lost around £60,000 through my second marriage and was, with hindsight, quite depressed for a good part of the 6 years I was with him. No kids together, thankfully.
Met my third husband at work. My mum was not happy at first two choices ( although never tried to interfere), but she adored my third husband, whom I married when I was 48. We've been together around 18 years now and all the children and grandchildren love him to bits. Maybe we should all value our parents' opinions on partners more!
I think it's deciding what works for you and not feeling you have to stay single or have to find a new partner. Coming to terms with the past is a big part of it as well - not always easy as many here can testify.
If you want someone to share nice meals, concerts, walks etc with but don't want the financial/legal commitment , I'm sure there are plenty of men who would feel the same. If you're happy on your own, with no-one else to answer to, then don't feel pressurised by your children.

Oh my goodness Nice Granny. You haven't lived half your life yet and you're giving up. It's not easy having no-one and yes sometimes we make mistakes and choose the wrong man. But don't tar them all. There are some good ones out there. I wish I was your age again I'd be looking for someone. I had two very bad marriages - seem to go for the wrong ones. Then I met someone who I loved deeply, and still do. He returned the feelings but unfortunately for me he was married. There were reasons he couldn't leave her, and I never pushed him. But he was a good one and I lost him. So get our there and try. You'll regret it afterwards. Good luck. Karen

Lots of us seem to be happily single.

I wonder - just imagine you'd never been married or had a relationship - would you still be happily single or do you think you'd wonder what might have been?

I think I would wonder.

Having children is not everyone's cup of tea but I think lots of people who don't want children might well like to think they had the opportunity or choice - let's face it; when many of us were young, you didn't have a baby as a single woman unless it was definitely an accident.

Yes I can relate to this, would not ever trust anyone again after divorce and another relationship (my youngest son's Dad), put me off for life so will not be going down that route EVER again