Porn

I've never been inclined towards paedophilia just because I watch adult porn. That's a ridiculous and somewhat insulting suggestion.

Just to add vampirequeen the prolapsed rectum is then played with, kissed, penetrated etc. The whole point is to get the rectum to prolapse - it’s not just a byproduct of anal sex.

vampirequeen

"Apparently anal sex is now the norm for teens. It often leads to other stuff too"

I'm intrigued tickingbird. What kind of other stuff does anal sex lead to?

I’ll inform you vampirequeen For some time now porn hasn’t just featured anal sex; it’s progressed. It involves such a thing as anal prolapsing. This is known as ‘Rosebud’ and involves the inner walls of the rectum collapsing and slipping out of the anus. This is where it can lead to.

I haven’t been back to this thread or GN for a few days, hence my late response. However, I have had s quick read through the other posts so won’t repeat what someone else has already said. Suffice to say, viewers of porn get jaded. What was once an incredible turn on becomes commonplace and more extreme material is required in order for the user to gain release. Child porn and the suffering behind such images/videos are being viewed by individuals who previously had no interest in paedophilia.

I have been told many times that anal sex in a heterosexual act is exciting for no other reason than it’s taboo. Once it stops being taboo something else has to stir the senses. It seems to be quite fashionable and hip to view anal sex as the norm. It really isn’t and I’m not coming from a moral standpoint - each to their own as long as both partners are in agreement but porn, even at low level, does give men a false impression of women and that’s dangerous plus it exposes then to practices they wouldn’t necessarily have been aware of.

Do you mean he smashed his iPad in temper? Or smashed it to show he didnt need it. I am glad you had someone to talk to.

Thank you for all of your comments, they all help enormously with perspective. I am not averse to porn at all, I think it has a place if couples are interested and at the start we watched some together. Overall he’s a good husband and companion and I love him more than I even realised. It seems to have been going on for a few years and he seems relieved I know. It’s the deceit and secrecy about the whole thing that’s floored me totally. He’s not very computer literate and doesn’t have any social media accounts. I have access to all of his accounts because I helped set them up. Apparently it started when he retired and I was still working, boredom or loneliness presumably played a part. He swears he’s never been unfaithful and after a major row smashed his iPad. Parental controls are activated on WiFi so he has no access on his phone and we’re locked in. One week on: I’ve spoken to Samaritans who were amazingly comforting, we’ve looked at self help videos and books and read about dopamine and neural pathways and how to reboot these. Our sex life is currently astounding! Twice a day . It’s even better than when we met and he’s totally shattered. We are working through it. I’m so very hurt because he didn’t tell me and while our sex life was less after 20 years it was still more than most. The whole scenario has actually given our marriage a good shake up, we were in a bit of an intimacy rut on reflection. I’ll keep you posted.

If the production of commercial porn involves exploitation then it's immoral and probably illegal to watch it online.

That's right, Valerie. If the original poster's husband is sufficiently sophisticated to know porn is a distortion of real life and is fantasy he is not doing himself any harm .

I agree with the rest of your post too.

Oh I see! Not sure I agree to be honest though, if explotation is involved then I am not sure it matters if some people think it's ok.

Another case of misunderstanding Galaxy I was talking about what anybody finds acceptable/unacceptable on Gransnet. Not within the relationship!

Jason Statham yuk

Well of course it does in a relationship. Dh is perfectly entitled to join the BNP or decide to up sticks to Australia I am perfectly entitled to say that doesnt work for me.

Seems to have developed into different issues here. Alexa nobody disagreeing with that about children and young adults, but the original poster is talking about her husband of a certain age and non of us know what he was actually watching (or have I missed that).

Like watching murders/ thrillers on t.v. I think most people can distinguish between fact and fiction? I don't advocate hard core porn in any way (by that I mean anything illegal, extremes) but don't find two adults getting it on too upsetting or offensive.

Does depend on the person though so if smedleyswife finds that smedley's habits are so repulsive that she cannot stand living with him then she knows what she needs to do. If she doesn't really know what he is looking at then I would suggest she has a look.

Maybe he is lying because he knows how much she would disapprove? Maybe she has every reason to disapprove? Maybe it is just harmless fantasising? Surely everybody fantasises in some way? How many people act on it?

Doesn't really matter what anyone else would find acceptable or unacceptable.

PS many people understand porn is just fun and not to be taken seriously. Some other people especially children and unsophisticated adults may believe all sexual relationships are like that all the time.

false picture

Vampire Queen, I am saying titillation is not bad but titillatory
communications are incomplete to the extent of lying.

Sex is an important part of life . Pornography implies life is all about gratification.

Porn , like old style Mills and Boon novels , is a 8false picture* of sexual relationships. If titillation in a story is part of a meaningful story it's okay but if titillation is all there is then it's a lie because gratification is not all there is.

Oddly enough, I couldn't tell you what kind of sex my friends, my sisters or my adult children have. Boundaries about sexual behaviour are part of a healthy emotional life has been my personal and professional experience.

Alexa, are you saying people don't have sex in all it's many forms? We don't all like sex in the same way but anything goes if both/all participants (over the age of consent) are happy with it. I know someone who's boyfriend canes her. She enjoys it and loves the patterns he lays down. That amount of pain doesn't appeal to me but they've both happy with it so who am I to judge. I have another friend who is into role play. Again not my thing but if they want to play Lady Chatterley's Lover that's up to them.

Rude-gal, you say why not - ask- if you can watch it together,
OP probably would have suggested it if she really wanted to, but it doesn’t sound like she does .
Warm blooded man? So woman are still expected to ‘ please ‘
are they ?

Porn is a form of literature, or imagery.

If you excuse or praise porn because it titillates, do you excuse all literature or images, true or not, because they titillate?

Cannot you see porn tell lies about human behaviour?

I wouldn’t say it’s entertainment ‼️ He’s a warm blooded male.. why not ask if you can watch it together? I find it gets him in the mood for hot sex. If you feel uncomfortable about watching porn I can’t see that it would work to turn your horniness up a notch. By watching together. I used to feel soo jealous when my partner was watching it but eventually I looked at it as a way of making our sex life better as there’s things you see that you may not of tried and it can bring you closer together. I totally get it if you don’t agree with me though. This is just my experience.. I wish you all the best anyhoow x

Nothing wrong with a bit of porn - my husband and I used to watch it together in our younger days, now he watches and I read (and I will guarantee what I am reading is far filthier than any porno film). Why do so many people think women are being exploited because they choose to be in a porn movie? Its extremely well paid (for the women) - men get paid next to nothing, so who is exploiting who? Does anyone really think that most men have a penis of the size often seen in pornos? QED most men and women realise that its complete fantasy and has no bearing on reality, or real relationships. If your partner is into porn, why not find some that you can watch together? There are a growing number of female porno directors who make porn that is accessible to women, as well as men. I would be more bothered about the fact that your husband laughs at your attempts to seduce him - this is not a sign of a healthy relationship, with or without porn.

vq - are you absolutely sure that the porn you watch is free of exploitation? What steps do you take to ensure that? What proofs do you demand?

Very funny, Grandad.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iam64, yes.