Change of holiday plans

Would he go on a ferry? If he's worried about carbon footprint, this might be a solution and you could get to quite a few places abroad by boat.

He does seem to have sprung things on you.

I totally agree regarding selfish people on flights, the last flight we ever did from Shamal Sheik Airport was horrendous. It was at the same time as the Cairo riots were taking place, and all British people were trying to return to the uk as many companies they worked for withdrew from the area, so the flights were full. Although we had paid extra to sit together, our seats were across an isle, so next to.me l had a girl in her twenties, and a todler about 2yrs old. Her partner sat a few rows back with others who obviously knew him. As soon as the seat belt signs went off after takeoff, girl takes little one and leaves him with her partner then returns to sit next to.me occupying the window seat. Without asking me first if l minded, she tipped up the arm rests and swong her legs up.high heel boots still on, and made herself comfortable to go to sleep. Her boot heels were digging into the side of my leg, and she was fidgeting a lot in her sleep. I tried placing my small travelbag inbetween her and my leg, but she just tutted and said something in her language that l could not understand. This was 6.5 hr flight, so when the hostesses came around with the trolley, l asked them if l could be moved, but no such luck as this was a full flight. I dont know what would have been worse,her tired and crying todler for the entire flight or being kicked as she happily used his seat to make herself a bed. It certainly put me off ever flying again, and l have not done since, and that was several yeas ago now.

Tell him you are going to book a singles holiday to Toronto and then catch a train to Vancouver, stopping off en route at interesting places but he can stay home if he likes and miss it.

I recently put an ad on Nextdoor asking to meet independent women who wanted to eat out, theatre,day trips, walking and holidays. I expect three or four replies, I had twenty three replies, two are widows, a couple are single and the rest are married. We now have a friendship group and a WhatsApp chat and we meet once a week for coffee but put in the chat group when we want to do something, inviting the others to join in. So OP this seems to be a common problem for women of a certain age who are ready to explore the world, while their husbands want to put their slippers on and watch the telly

We were like you elderly dog curbed our holidays, she too has not gone 2 weeks ago, DH has now been diagnosed with Prostate cancer with a Dvt, I too feel robbed of our dreams and have had to find a new normal, good luck with whatever you decide to do.

What about cruising ? there are some destinations where a long train journey can be had as well ….the South African Blue Train, the Gold Eagle train across Russia (11,000 k ..that should make him happy ha ha ...it is the modern version of the Trans Siberian Express)….Amtrak across the US …...I researched all these as my late brother was kind enough to leave me an inheritance and he was a dyed in the wool steam train enthusiast ...perhaps your husband could volunteer to help at a steam preservation society ...my brother did this on his retirement ...then he travelled the world looking at old steam trains and riding them ...India, (some marvellous trains ) BUT you could get brochures for all these and greatly enthuse about how wonderful they are...but they would also involve flying initially …….or if he really doesn't want to go, there are some great holidays for solo's ...I am on my own now and have this year and autumn last year so far been to Andalucia, Germany, am going next week to Prague ...in March I am on a cruise to see the Northern lights (or not, if they decide to hide !), in July I am going to Russia, in May Maastricht to see Andre Rieu and am undecided between the Golden Eagle train or another similar train journey to Samarkand and Uzbekistn ...and might try to fit Nashville in ...but one of those long ones is going to have to wait until next year …………….oh and a week back in Menorca where we used to live ……….go for it ! So many friends and family have died within the past two years you never know how long you have ……………….enjoy

well debi36, are his concerns environmental? There is much to be said for slow travel, which, I you are both retired, you can do. Trains, local buses, boats - yes it takes longer but, in my experience, is far less stressful than flying, and has the added bonus of bumping into local people. You can make the trip part of the holiday - I have planned a slow-trip to Crete for the summer, it has been fun to do. It is hard, I think, to change the mindset and realise that one will never see Machu Pichu, Ayers Rock, etc, but when you think about the disasters of climate change it is a very small price to pay to keep the earth moderately habitable for our children and grandchildren. Good luck! x

People tend to forget that a marriage isn’t one relationship, it is two relationships. There is yours relationship and there is his relationship. You have clear ideas of what you would like and he clearly has his. Perhaps you just assumed he was happy with the plans you were making. Perhaps retirement has made him realise the clock is ticking and he has a few things on his own bucket list he wants to tick off. Having his own dreams and plans does not make him selfish in my book. Perhaps he felt the need to take the ‘no flying’ stance because he is not the kind of man who likes to go against your wishes, as a rule. Up here in ‘Coronation Street’ country, the feisty strong women do all the choosing, planning, booking of holidays and the hubbies go along with it on the ‘happy wife - happy life’ theory. Are you sure when you were ‘planning’ your future trips you were not just telling him what you hoped and dreamed of doing? Did you think he may have hopes and dreams himself? Perhaps he is just trying to get your attention and assert himself. (Which of course we applaud and support when we find women doing that. Then it is not selfish.)

I would want to know why he has made this decision and why he has made it without you. Then I would go ahead without him. Friends/ solo companies etc. Go as far as you can while you can. My grandad would not go abroad. My grandma had a wonderful time with her WI friends.

debi36 First my apologies as I have not time to read all the replies.
My immediate reaction was that your husband has taken a unilateral decision on a matter which most certainly must be decided between you both. Does he do this with other matters? It's very selfish of him and he needs to learn how to think of you when he is making major decisions such as planning holidays. There has to be a compromise. Maybe alternate his choice of holiday with yours.

Is there a possibility this might have been his mood at that moment and that although he would prefer to always go by train and never fly, he would see that for some destinations going by air is the only sensible option?

I would say to him that you want to sit down at a specific time to talk about holidays and travel arrangements. First all you want to discuss how decisions are made. He cannot make these unilateral decisions that affect you and spoil all your dreams. He needs to know how you feel about his not consulting you and about not taking into account your holiday expectations. With retirement ahead, he needs to learn how to live and work as a team, considering your needs and wishes and not just selfishly setting forth on his own plans without any regard to whether you are happy about it or not.

I should say that I was with a man like this for 23 years and then was lumbered with another equally selfish man for an=bout 10. They are extremely difficult to deal with. You think they have listened and agreed to something only to find they deny having spoken about it or that they have gone ahead and done the opposite. In retirement, you must take your life in your own hands and make sure you are in charge of what happens to you.

If he should be recalcitrant in his choice of travel and holiday limitations, than I recommend you take singles holidays. These have been covered here on GN. There are some excellent companies and the holidays are by no means about seeking a partner! Quite a few people on them are married but have partners who don't like to travel. I went on several and had a wonderful time and met very nice people. I also went on my own on ordinary holidays and had a great time. Being on my own I found I spoke to far more people than when I was with a partner. People were very helpful and kind to me. I would go on an organised holiday at least to start with, for the security. Later you will gain experience and feel able to book your own trips. The hotel people always looked after me very well. I am disabled and people were extremely good about helping me.

Alternatively you could find a friend who might like to go away with you.

Whatever happens, do not let this stop you following your dreams!

Lindylou23 So sorry. ?

I could have written the very same post ..... that’s what happened to us when we both retired. Decided there was no point in trying to change his mind, or plea bargaining for one or maybe two flight holidays per year. It would only cause tension and I’m not a person who enjoys pleading.

So I started going on Saga solo holidays - always talked the idea and the destinations over with DH before booking and always asked if he was interested in coming.......but he never was. It’s been a perfect arrangement. DH is happy, I am very well looked after by Saga Holidays who take care of everything (even send a car to collect me from home to the airport) and when I return he tells me about his time at home, the meals he’s cooked and the places he has been and old friends he may have looked up etc., and I share details of my trip and the wonderful places I’ve seen and the great people I’ve met who were also on the tour. If anything it’s made our retirement years even more interesting as we both feel we have regained a little independence!

Think about this option - and only take trips that last around 10 or 12 days.....any longer isn’t really fair.

I go on solo holidays (mainly with Just You) and regularly meet people (mainly women) who are married to men who don’t want to travel any more but give their blessing to their wives going away without them. Give it a go. You never know he might even change his mind!!

I agree with others do what YOU want to do and see the world, travelling alone isnt a problem, you meet more people doing this than travelling as a couple.Just do it and ENJOY, you will not regret it

I always travel by train, and I love it. Perhaps you could try a holiday to a place in Europe that is on your bucket list. I have travelled to Istanbul- one of my bucket list places- by train, and it was fascinating. It is possible to travel first class for very little more than standard class. Most first class trains have reclining seats, some have at- seat catering, and all the ones I have been on are clean and comfortable- and punctual! Seat61 is a good site to start looking. There is something magical about beginning your journey atSt Pancras that beats any airport hands down- even better if you splurge on a room at the St Pancras Grand hotel!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I read your post OP and immediately wondered if your husband is on the spectrum somewhere? (Then again, aren’t we all). It was the second comment you made about knowing where to stand on the platform to be in front of the carriage. That, plus the love of timetables and connecting trains at 5am.

All this can’t be new to you.

It's been so interesting hearing everyone's differing views! That's why I posted. It so easy to be annoyed by a partner who makes a decision which disappoints you and you can't understand why.
I'm not against train travel it's probably my preferred means (after swimming and cycling - and you can't get that far by those means!). We've travelled from the England to Italy, Denmark, Norway (that was a long one!!), Serbia and Croatia and to Germany, France and Scotland numerous times by train.
I just have my bucket list. Really the one place left that I've wanted to go to since school geography days (and reading many books about Antarctic expeditions) is Patagonia. You can't get there by train from Sussex!
I've travelled long haul on my own once before to Japan. Again somewhere I wanted to visit since way back. DH wasn't interested, so I got a Japanese travel agency to book the hotels, journey and tours. It was fine. Perhaps I can't understand why he didn't want to see Japan - it was amazing!!!!!
I know when someone makes a decision they have to tell their other half sometime. I had a book token and said at Christmas I could buy books on Argentina and Chile? Fine said DH. It's like something has changed in the last month????

Sounds like you've accommodated your DH's preferred means of travel. It must feel so disappointing that he won't support you in achieving your dreams. Does he know how you feel? There are faraway places I'd love to visit, including Japan, but don't think I'd have the nerve to do it by myself. However, I might just try a short trip alone after reading all the inspiring stories on this thread. Good luck, I do hope your DH changes his mind.

Debi36 dont wait until you are older and less mobile to go on the Trans Canada railway journey. Do it now if you can because none of us know what tomorrow brings. I looked after my mother until I was 70 so was tied down. My husband and I had plans to do the Trans Canada and Trans America train trips plus wanted to visit New Zealand for a month or more . Then this time last year I was diagnosed with stage 4 TN breast cancer with metastases on my spine. I havent even been able to visit my family in England let alone the longer trips. So dont put off things until you are older do them while you can.

This situation, though problematic, is not unusual. Working as a tour manager with Seniors, I see this quite often. On many occasions we pair likeminded women travelers, who’s hubbies have just lost the motivation to see the world, together so they can save a bit of cash and almost always make a new friend. I say don’t let him rain on your parade! You sound in good health and ready for adventure!!! GO FOT IT!
Sadly, there will come a time in all of our lives when travel is no longer possible, CARPE DIEM, no regrets! And after seeing what great experiences you are having it just might be the needed impetus! Good luck and HAPPY TRAILS!

I think you should look out some holidays which involve trains in the first instance. They don't have to be in the UK. He needs to be prepared to compromise. I expect he has watched Michael Portillos travel programmes. My brother is a rail enthusiast and is off to Switzerland to do the train journey through the Alps to Italy. It isn't necessary to fly to Switzerland. Either self drive or take the Eurostar and do the whole trip by train. Further afield you might try Canada and the Rocky Mountain Railway. I've done that one. Fantastic. If there is somewhere you want to go you should go. There are lots of packages for solo travellers. It sounds as though he may have some fear of flying? There are cruises of course if you are of the age and mindset to enjoy it. I went on my first last year and it was like Butlins on sea. Not for me but it might be just the thing in 10 years when I am less mobile.

Has the coronavirus put him off? The thought that there might be a carrier! Perhaps he was having doubts and that was the final straw.

Don’t know what gets into some people when they retire. Some people want to make the most of life whilst they are fit and able and others seem to feel they’ve reached the end and give up!

I feel like the OP but pinning OH down recently has been a bit of a struggle! I’ve mentioned Mercury holidays before. Nowhere near as pricey as Saga etc but quite a few holidays that don’t charge single supplements. You don’t get quite the same service from the rep organizing you although someone is available if you need them.

We don’t like flying anymore! All the time wasted at the airport , delays and security checks etc. When my husband retired we went in a world cruise. A wonderful experience and saw all the far flung places without having to fly. Everyday we woke up to a different place . We were away for four months and it just flew by. Quite an expense but saw the world in one go. We would always Cruise now and we don’t even think of flying.

Shouldn't we ALL stop flying?