Husband won't holiday away next Xmas due to MIL

You can holiday at anytime. I do not think your husband is being unreasonable.

I would love to go away at Christmas but have daughters and grandchildren. It’s the one time of the year that they look forward to us being together and for that I will forsake going away. Family comes first for me

Talk to your mil, tell her your thoughts, & your H’s thoughts about next year. She may see things differently and even come up with a solution, where everyone is happy or even a good compromise. Good luck.

I have just spent 12 days over Christmas on my own because of illness. It is a very sad and lonely period to be on your own.
MIL nearly always have this problem with their DIL.
It’s no trouble to travel Boxing Day and it keeps all the family happy. Your MIL is very fortunate to have such a lovely and caring son.
Remember one day you could be the MIL with such a selfish DIL

How about a cruise from a UK port? You might not get much sun but it will kill two birds with one stone; you will get a holiday and your MIL won’t have to fly

I can see nothing wrong with your husband's stance - to a point.
It is different for an only child , compared to one that has siblings and quite frankly, you really can have no idea just what it feels like! It is a myriad of things - most of all, feeling responsible for that parent.
Yes, it is possible for people to have a fear of flying in this day and age but let's face it - would you really be happy if your MiL came on holiday with you anyway? My guess is that would be a big fat no !
Like others have suggested - have Christmas Day with your MiL and your holiday after. It's only for one day after all and quite honestly, if you stuck to your guns and browbeat your OH into going away and leaving MiL on her own, neither of you would have a good time - he'd be worrying about his mum and you'd be getting angry with him for worrying !

Flights could be cheaper on Boxing Day too.

My MIL is widowed 6 years ago.. She certainly isn't frail or old.. She stopped working 9 years ago.

What does BU stand for on here?

While I still think it is unkind to leave anybody on their own at Christmas, OP’s MIL is in her early 60’s and I am surprised her own social circle does not offer any alternative attractions. I assume she is still working?
You do not say why she is alone-divorced? Widowed?

(Are you sure you and the poster who started the thread about being on her own are not related! )

Being left on her own on Christmas Day will be very stressful, especially if frail and if she never spent the day alone before.

Your husband sounds kind and caring.

I don't see how you could have a good time when you would be leaving an elderly lady alone on Christmas Day. If Christmas is about anything surely it's about family? You will need to compromise as your husband has made his position clear.

My MIL is 65 and very overbearing, she is the main stress at Christmas for me! our mum's don't get on.. I wouldn't want to leave her alone - she does have a few close friends and family her sister and SIL in Europe (which she does fly to and from every other year)

I'm happy to go a few days after christmas, that's a great idea and perhaps eat out somewhere to take the pressure off.

Thanks so much for the above suggestions!

I think your DH is lovely to consider his mother and you are BU to want to leave her alone. Christmas is for families, just because he has a family with you, doesn't mean that he doesn't have his mother.
My mother is 87 and I would never even consider leaving her at Christmas, she loves to be with is and her grandchildren and she's been a wonderful mum and grandma. I hope your husband digs his heels in on this one, you can holiday any time.

Thanks Mawb

Op, you have a major mommy's boy in your hands.

Your MIL is a sadist (enjoys your pain when you injured yourself) and takes over as your role as a mother.

This is a 2 card situation- divorce or intense marital therapy without contact with mil.

Xmas is the least of your worries

OP started two threads in December 2019 about friction with her MIL and her DH bring a “mummy’s boy” which leads me to think there is more to this than a simple question of a holiday.
Another DIL/MIL scenario

I also think your husband is being reasonable. I can understand him feeling responsible for his Mum, him being an only child.

I can see that it’s not unreasonable to want some sun and less stress, but I do think it would perhaps be inconsiderate to go away and indulge yourself whilst leaving a close family member at home alone.

I couldn’t do it, but then I love my parents-in-law too much to not want to spend Christmas with them. They are getting old now and I treasure every opportunity to be with them.

Exactly, there are other 52 weeks of the year for mil.
Can she be with friends during Xmas? Other relatives? Does she have siblings? Why is her son the only option?

There are 52 weeks of the year to go away on holiday and if your DH doesn't want his mum to be on her own for Christmas, which IMO is perfectly reasonable, he's not going to enjoy it if you put pressure in him and he goes under duress, and neither will you.

As others have suggested, you could all go away somewhere that doesn't require flying or go out on Christmas day for your meal.

I agree with mumofmadboys and Hetty58; I would try to put yourself in your MILs shoes - your child/children happy to leave you to spend Christmas Day on your own whilst they go away- I am afraid I would be very hurt and think that they were being selfish, I certainly couldn't do it (not even to my own MIL, who was a complete horror!). There are so many other scenarios you could contemplate to keep everybody happy - night in a local hotel, visit a restaurant for Christmas Dinner; holiday in GB, or if money allows - a cruise.

I am reminded of the thread where a Gran was devastated because her DS and DIL are planning to go away next Christmas and she will be on her own.

I too think Christmas is for families and New Year for friends so yes, I do think you are being very unreasonable to talk of the “stress” of Christmas necessitating a holiday abroad. IMO it has to be the worst time of year to fly anywhere.
Your DH sounds like a caring son, I hope yours will be too when your turn comes, , but don’t forget what goes around comes around.

How will you feel when you're elderly and alone - with no family around at Christmas? You can go on holiday at any time!

I agree with mumofmadboys on this.Many other times over the Winter to find some sun.
If you don’t want to continually do the hosting, book a hotel for yourselves for Christmas Eve and Day.
Or, book a meal out on Christmas Day.

I think your DH is being reasonable. It would be hard to leave her to spend Xmas alone while you are both away abroad.

I've always thought that Christmas is for families, New Year is for pleasing yourselves; can you make Christmas less stressful, get your husband to pitch in too and go away to the sun just afterwards?

We always had one mum or another with us at Christmas.

eelouisa didn't say their son lived abroad, did she, or am I missing something?