Husband won't holiday away next Xmas due to MIL

ethelj OPs son is only 1!

You can take a vacation anytime. Holidays are for family. How would you like being left alone? Furthermore, if you do leave her alone, expect to be treated the same way from your son when you are old.

I wish I still had my mum at Christmas, better than any holiday!
Why not do an easy, non-stressful Christmas at home, then go away afterwards?

I suggested to my 2 boys (21&16) that we go away for xmas nxt time as weve just had the xmas from hell,weve all been ill,me more so than them, and didnt get to enjoy any of it one bit- however,they never like to because they love to be at home to do their presents and as big gamers its usually centred round playing new video games with online friends etc. But id really like us to do the abroad thing nxt year. They love to try new places and have no bother flying,so dont see why not.so ive kind of got same problem as eelouisa to a part extent.only its harder to shift my lads.(i cant go off without them theyve both got mild cerebral palsy,both are capable of doing things but i wouldnt want to leave them a week on their own for instance,plus that would put me away alone at xmas so what would be point of that? So i guess for same reason OP cant zip off alone either,cause who would want to be alone at xmas,including her MIL ,so that answers her problem,good suggestion from others is the 2 mums could have xmas together,if they get along? Or you all have xmas lunch out somewhere then go abroad after xmas?( that wouldnt work for my problem as the boys still wouldnt want to go away after either) or you could have a few days in britain all of you together? Some places 'do' xmas, warners or National coaches etc do some good ones ive heard.or how about going somewhere not a far flight,spain maybe,& try get MIL used to flying before then( dont airlines have courses for that?) let us know how you get on.and ill think over my problem.good luck.

You only get one mom and she won't be here forever. Sorry but I'm with your OH. I learnt the hard way and so wish I had put my mom first before a lot of things. Too late now though.

TBF to the OP's m.i.l. we don't know if she's the one putting on any pressure. It could simply be that her son doesn't want her to be without him for Christmas.

From what we've been told about the way the OP has talked about her m.i.l. on a previous thread, she's a sadist etc, it seems pretty obvious to me that the OP doesn't like her m.i.l. and wants to find a way of not spending this Christmas with her.

I find it difficult to sympathise with the OP now knowing what she's previously said about her m.i.l. as her OP isn't a true account of her motivation.

Although I can see both points of view, personally I wouldn't go away at Christmas, Christmas is for family and your MiL is family

I'm older than the MiL concerned and frequently spend Christmas Day alone (and genuinely love a day to myself). I've had several people, family and friends, aghast at this over the years. I would be genuinely mortified to put that pressure on my working children.

I think it is a fair compromise to go to the sun any other time in the year just you two. You and your husband both sound kind people. Its far easier going a few weeks after Christmas for travel etc.

I have friends who revolved their life around one elderly parent who was in 90s. By the time that responsibility ceased, she needed several surgeries, each requiring months of physio, and he had cancer. Live life while you can.

Great idea "Classic*!
Why didn't I think of that!

I can see it from your husbands point of view. If he is the only family his mum has I think he is right not to leave her over Christmas. You say you have a son, where is he based?

To make it more convenient for them - apologies

Mil is not the matriarch of your family - YOU are.

Your mil is only 65. She can live 25+ years.

Will your life be highjacked to accommodate her?

Why shall you change your life because of her constraints- she doesn't like to fly so you shouldn't either?

Does she rely on your nuclear family for company? Does she have friends?

Yes, elderly people should be taken into account. However, when they condition your life to make it for theirs, it is too much.

What happens when she cannot take care of herself? Will you be her caregiver?

I take it as a compliment when my comments are called harsh.

Really Hithere, I didn't realise that

Well then if the OP has previously referred to her m.i.l. as a sadist, who is taking over her mother role and feels she and her H will either be looking at divorce or intense marital therapy, clearly her OP is disingenuous.

Her desire to go away for Christmas has nothing to do with easing the pressure and wanting some winter sun, it's just to get away from her m.i.l.

Yes Hithere that seemed a very harsh post. I agree with smileless2012

Smileless,

I don't have a vivid imagination.

Op wrote that in another post in December.

Your mil isn't that old, how about you, husband and son suggest going to mil for xmas dinner next year, then fly off on holiday boxing day. You might find it less stressful if someone else is organising dinner etc. Plus you can arrive in time for dinner and leave after the washing up, she will be relieved to have her house back to herself by then.

If your MIL doesn't like to fly, why not go by train? There is an excellent website called the passenger in seat 61 which explains in detail how to get virtually anywhere in the world and also train travel when you get there.

You need to be organised because the cheapest tickets are booked in advance - usually 3 months. There are links to two websites which are in English and you can pay for all your journeys in one hit. So easy to get to southern Spain.

Last year we went from Limoges to Florence via Paris and the Bernina Express which goes over the Alps. The total cost was less than the one night that we had to stay in Zurich because of the Bernina Express.

Look at the site and let your imagination run riot.

Why is the OP putting his mother first ladymuck? Why does it have to be a competition? What's wrong with a son or D for that matter not wanting to leave his/her mother on her own at Christmas.

Would it be reasonable to say the OP is putting what she wants before her H and her m.i.l.?

One can only imagine some the responses if this thread was from a m.i.l. not wanting her son and d.i.l. to go away for Christmas and leave her alone; she'd be slated for sure.

This reminds me of that tv ad for medical insurance, where the wife wants to take her mum on holiday with her and her husband.
Every time I see it I think, 'If I were him, I'd tell her to go on holiday with her mum, and I'll find someone else to go with me'.
If your husband puts his mum first, what does that say about his regard for you?

My mum is no longer here but we have my husband mother for Christmas .I wouldn't have it any other way.Ahe ia 90 but insisted ob doing all the vegetables and roast potatoes.She has a daughter but she is a waste of space has only invited her once for Christmas she doesn't deservecher.Cant believe she is my husband sister as he is so caring

You certainly have a vivid imagination *Hithere; "you're MIL is a sadist .... takes over as your role of mother ... divorce or intense marital therapy"!!!

How about going away- to somewhere really nice in the UK?

If she will fly sometimes^ as you say she does, offer that she comes too and then it is her choice.

Alternatively, what about a short cruise from Southampton (for example)? Maybe to the Mediterranean? If you can afford it, a cruise would at least mean you have other guests you can mix and match with a bit?

Regarding your son, (I think you said son), if you want time with him you in its him too, wherever you end up. Then you will have the family together that you want but your mother-in-law and husband will be happy too.