Holidays with sister in law

Maybe when you next see her just bring into the conversation that you have just booked holidays for ...... and give the dates you know she has booked, make out you already have plans, then she will either have to tell you about her plans (surprise) or she will say nothing and maybe cancel hers. If she then says what she has done you can say Oh dear, sorry but we have already made our plans now.

My first reaction was that you could change your locks. If you don't want to be rude and say it was so she coudn't get in, you could always make the excuse that they didn't comply with the insurance company's requirements.

Bruges is a lovely city, as is Amsterdam. My DS went on a short cruise to Amsterdam and thoroughly enjoyed it. I've only approached overland, but I'd go again. It might be worth reconsidering the trips as you might find they're more enjoyable than you thought.

It’s a sad situation, but your SIL must be encouraged to make a life of her own. There are so many singles out there, ladies of relevant age groups who go on Singles holidays together, socialise, activities (Meet Up groups) etc You are not responsible for siblings, they have to make their own lives as you have. I feel you will both have to be cruel to be kind here, subtlety is clearly not working. Of course you need to spend some time with her, but it appears that she is just taking over your lives and it’s clear that you are not happy, so you need to act sooner rather than later before it escalates even further. She must make her own life now.

Change your locks. Politely say, we cannot go and we hope you can find someone else to go or obtain a refund, or go alone and use the other person booking you made for another trip for yourself. She sounds a very selfish and self centred person. Don't have a big showdown, just let it all drift away. She will get the message.

I agree with feelingmyage your sister in law is lonely and obviously enjoys your company. However she has over stepped the mark a little and you need to have an honest conversation with her regarding her expectations and yours. Some compromise this time perhaps and help her to find other friends and interests.

Wow. She’s trying to manipulate you into a holiday you already declined.

You need to tell her no, and now.

I take it your husband has always given in to her?

Maybe the earlier you can say ‘no’ the more chance she has of getting her money back??

What an awkward situation.

She is finagling you into holidays by her kindness.

Really stressful but you’ll have to be open and honest here.

The situation appears to have got out of hand.

Just say no.

Easier said than done but it will save a lot of worrying

As an aside, Bruges is the most wonderful place to visit.

oh dear! Yes she should have asked first of course but ........ here is a lady who has looked after and lived with her mother and now is alone. How lonely for her. She clearly thinks (rightly?) that you enjoy holidaying with her having done it for six years. I don’t actually understand why, if you truly wanted to give your sister in law respite, why you and her brother did not care for his mum, your MIL, while she went on holiday either alone/with a friend/a group. You set up a regular scenario which you now want to change - understandably, I would not want to share with my DH and SIL for a long holiday. Could you compromise and go somewhere less expensive with her a couple of times a year for a weekend and she has her own room? You and DH have your own holiday. She has cared for her MIL all her life (? I think) and is now perhaps not only lonely but become isolated as carers do. I would be sympathetic and go to Bruges with her but not drag your DH to Amsterdam and make his give up his leave. Time to sit down kindly and see if you could travel on mini breaks with her perhaps when your DH is very busy anyway. You could make it work for you too since you are retired and her brother is still working. Also encourage her to widen her social circle now she is not a carer. Help her kindly. This is a misunderstanding I think with no malice intended and can be sorted out amicably.

I think maybe DH should cope with his sister.

You’ve been too accommodating and now you’ll have to tell her straight that it’s something you can’t do as you’ve booked other things that take priority. Not need to go into detail or apologise - just tell her she should have asked first.