Daughter.....newly married...in laws..

Be proud and happy your DD has found a family that has accepted and welcomed her. Sure you will not be forgotten.

I understand completely. My dd married into a very close large family. Every year they went on holiday with the in laws and all the children. The children had a wonderful time with their cousins. We just went away with them for the odd long weekend. I found it very hard and did tell my dd how I felt. After several years I was left some money and decided to treat sil, dd and the gc to a holiday at Disney World. We had a wonderful time and I felt so much better after that. They still went away with mil and their family but I was fine. Sadly two years later my dd died and I miss her so much. However I will always remember that wonderful holiday and I know the gc do too. Fortunately my relationship with sil is very good and although we don't go on holiday with the gc we do see them regularly.

I had this problem with my mother when I married. My husband was Irish and because we were living in Ireland, she assumed I had a close relationship with my in-laws. She even stopped sending presents for the children at Christmas and birthdays as she felt that her gifts would not be as welcome.

Glad for you chrisks. Hope you have a good visit. I think DaisyL description is more accurate.. Not jealousy, more wistfulness.. A kind of longing you miss. We all feel that about times when the children were at home, easy to talk with, no effort, lovely times when your brood were in the nest and you could just enjoy them. I often think to myself how much I've done.. Now my independent life is important.. Make time for doing things that make you happy.

I'm with you chattykathy - so insensitive not to include Chrisks in the invitation. My daughter always holidays with the in laws and this year our other daughter and family are joining them too. It is very hurtful but we just carry on with our own lives.

Atqui, I like your response, so agree with you ??.
Chris, I am mum of six sons, so have five MIL’s in my life!
And, they are all just,wow! They are all still working,lovely caring women,fit,energetic,slim,gorgeous,young!!!
I am 67, overweight,retired, boring, intimidated doesn’t cover it!!!?
Just be kind,never gossip, never criticise. My DIL’s all love me to bits,involve me in everything,and I’m sure it’s because I behave as I said above.
Next time a big family holiday is planned, just say “ohhh sounds great fun,can I jump aboard?”
Then a habit of involving you will form, and you’ll get an invite each time. If you are a generous,happy person,and give off loving vibes, they’ll all seek you out, on both sides of the family.

This could be wistfulness rather than jealousy. When my son and his family go away I'm always thrilled for them and we do go on holiday together sometimes but perhaps there is part of us that is nostalgic for our lost youth!

So glad she is back safely and you are going to have some time with her. You are her MUM = no-one can take your place. x

Look my love, life is a learning curve however old we are
I m so glad you will be having a meet up really soon and I still say invite the in-laws over for a meal than they ll get the position that you are ALL in the game together

I really do feel rather silly for writing this now! They are back now from their holiday and they have invited me over to stay with them for a couple of days.
It’s so hard when your children grow up, leave home and begin a new life.
Thank you all for your replies x

I'm amazed that the in laws were so insensitive by not inviting you knowing you're on your own. I'd go along with other posters and suggest you arrange a get together with the other family, the penny might drop then.

I know what you mean. I sometimes feel this way with my married d who gets on well with her inlaws sometimes making me feel excluded when they do things with them and their large family. I do try to suppress it though and suggest you do the same as no good can come off it. Your dd is still doing things with you and you are her mum so cherish those moments and tell yourself to be glad that she has a good relationship with her mil. My mil was horrible to me so it's good my dd and your dd don't experience the same.

I know what you mean Coconut about these very critical people who alienate themselves from family and friends by being vocal in their criticism. Sometimes it’s least said soonest mended . Arrange a nice weekend away with your daughter and her husband and I’m sure you’ll enjoy that more than tagging on with a family do .

Are you jealous or fearful ? X

It’s so hard letting go, my DILs father who is alone is jealous of my relationship with her too, but it’s much better than the MIL coming between her and the SIL. Remember when / if she has babies only mum will do, so the tables will surely turn. Enjoy the space and use the free time to fulfill some dreams or goals and she will admire you for that

My daughter has found herself a surrogate mother. My son is with inlaws all the time. I dont get to see grandchild at any special time. Go to sally army at xmas. Must have upset them but say no just prefer their new lives

My mum has always been extremely jealous of the relationships I’ve had with 2 x past mum in laws, she was very vocal and very critical. She has now started on my DD who gets on great with her MIL. I am extremely proud of DD who has supported MIL thro recent cancer treatment, MIL describes her as her guardian angel and I love it. MIL only had one son, so she loves sharing my DD with me. My Mum just cannot see how she just alienates others with her constant criticism and OTT opinions so it’s impossible for anyone to get close to her. You could just say to your DD that you’d love to join them next time they plan something.

I have had two generations of that issue. My mother was divorced and alone and I married a man from a large family. We were always included and I know my mother often felt left out. Then I divorced, and my daughter married into a big family, so now I am the one feeling left out on occasion. However I will say that before she had children my daughter often felt overwhelmed with all her in-laws and their family celebrations and would 'escape' to spend time with me, just to have a break.

takes courage to admit certain emotions. you are allowed to feel jealous, everyone does, just don't let it spill over into your relationship. maybe be more proactive and arrange meetings so you can be included. i know married couples and both sets of parents are friends. its lovely if possible,

I think what you are feeling is envy rather than jealousy.
It is natural to feel envious, and there is nothing wrong with that. Envy is a sort of yearning for something we can’t have. Sometimes envy can be quite helpful...it points us towards achieving things we want.
But jealousy is different...it can be destructive and eat away at us. So I wouldn’t worry too much...just note it as you have, and be happy for your daughter, as I am sure you are.

Take warmth from the fact that your daughter has been embraced by her new ILs. You obviously reared her so successfully that people want to welcome her. Well done you. It's early days. She'll return to the fold in due course with a new dynamic which I'm sure will enhance your relationship. I wish you well.

DS goes on family holidays with parents in law, in fact will be on one next week, and I am pleased for him. Good to mix with extended family and for GC to meet up with their cousins, in fact I am happier about the holiday than he is

I was that daughter!
My in laws wanted me to join in on everything they were doing.. Big and small events, Christmas etc. At the time, I didn't spare a moments thought for my dm and how she might be feeling about it. She never said if she was feeling left out but I wish she had. I would have scaled back on spending time with the in-laws. I think you should say something, very gently to her.

She is still your daughter n always will be, it’s lovely that she has fitted in so well better that way than being ignored, be happy that you have raised such a lovely daughter and be proud, she would probably be surprised if you told her this, I’m sure she would put your mind at ease, jealousy is an awful emotion

I understand exactly how you feel you are over the moon for her and happy she has been welcomed into the fold but you’re feeling left out and I would too, what a shame they didn’t invite you too I have been invited to a holiday with the other grandparents a couple of times and it’s lovely to be included I ve also been the only grandparent invited and the only one left out
How about you invite them all over for a day or even just a meal that will give them the clue they are missing,, that you want to be included and invited to any family do s.
I wonder if it was thoughtlessness or if it was the in laws treat or idea and your daughter may not liked to have said anything but may have wanted too
Try to get busy in your own right it’s a huge change suddenly sharing a very close relationship not only with a new husband but all of his family my only advise is make friends of the in laws then you will gain friends