Daughter.....newly married...in laws..

I'm amazed that the in laws were so insensitive by not inviting you knowing you're on your own. I'd go along with other posters and suggest you arrange a get together with the other family, the penny might drop then.

I really do feel rather silly for writing this now! They are back now from their holiday and they have invited me over to stay with them for a couple of days.
It’s so hard when your children grow up, leave home and begin a new life.
Thank you all for your replies x

Look my love, life is a learning curve however old we are
I m so glad you will be having a meet up really soon and I still say invite the in-laws over for a meal than they ll get the position that you are ALL in the game together

So glad she is back safely and you are going to have some time with her. You are her MUM = no-one can take your place. x

This could be wistfulness rather than jealousy. When my son and his family go away I'm always thrilled for them and we do go on holiday together sometimes but perhaps there is part of us that is nostalgic for our lost youth!

Atqui, I like your response, so agree with you ??.
Chris, I am mum of six sons, so have five MIL’s in my life!
And, they are all just,wow! They are all still working,lovely caring women,fit,energetic,slim,gorgeous,young!!!
I am 67, overweight,retired, boring, intimidated doesn’t cover it!!!?
Just be kind,never gossip, never criticise. My DIL’s all love me to bits,involve me in everything,and I’m sure it’s because I behave as I said above.
Next time a big family holiday is planned, just say “ohhh sounds great fun,can I jump aboard?”
Then a habit of involving you will form, and you’ll get an invite each time. If you are a generous,happy person,and give off loving vibes, they’ll all seek you out, on both sides of the family.

I'm with you chattykathy - so insensitive not to include Chrisks in the invitation. My daughter always holidays with the in laws and this year our other daughter and family are joining them too. It is very hurtful but we just carry on with our own lives.

Glad for you chrisks. Hope you have a good visit. I think DaisyL description is more accurate.. Not jealousy, more wistfulness.. A kind of longing you miss. We all feel that about times when the children were at home, easy to talk with, no effort, lovely times when your brood were in the nest and you could just enjoy them. I often think to myself how much I've done.. Now my independent life is important.. Make time for doing things that make you happy.

I had this problem with my mother when I married. My husband was Irish and because we were living in Ireland, she assumed I had a close relationship with my in-laws. She even stopped sending presents for the children at Christmas and birthdays as she felt that her gifts would not be as welcome.

I understand completely. My dd married into a very close large family. Every year they went on holiday with the in laws and all the children. The children had a wonderful time with their cousins. We just went away with them for the odd long weekend. I found it very hard and did tell my dd how I felt. After several years I was left some money and decided to treat sil, dd and the gc to a holiday at Disney World. We had a wonderful time and I felt so much better after that. They still went away with mil and their family but I was fine. Sadly two years later my dd died and I miss her so much. However I will always remember that wonderful holiday and I know the gc do too. Fortunately my relationship with sil is very good and although we don't go on holiday with the gc we do see them regularly.

Be proud and happy your DD has found a family that has accepted and welcomed her. Sure you will not be forgotten.

"Can I jump aboard?" - please don't say that!!!! What a difficult position you would put them in!

I think it is understandable but it looks as if they aren't totally excluding you and is just something you have to try to distract yourself from and not mention to any of them.
Hopefully it will all work out.

Chrisks I'm so proud of you - you brought up a lovely, giving, sociable daughter in diffucult circumstances, who is building excellent relations with the new bit of her extended family.
Maybe get in first and invite the couple and in-laws for Boxing Day lunch?

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I agree it would have been nice if they could have included Chrisks - but maybe they will in the future, but perhaps it's up to her dd to set the tone

My daughter married into a bigger family than on my side-virtually no-one apart from her and two GDs 300miles away. She gets on really well with her two Sisters in Law and her SIL’s parents. I am pleased for her as she lost her only sister over 9 years ago. They were all at a family wedding together two weeks ago. Yes, I am on my own since losing my DH in 2008 and long to be part of a large family, I have some good friends ,but do miss out on family things.

Aren’t families so different?
I’ve just been to the family party- we have one every year.
We invite in laws too, well the mums, dads and siblings. My mum had 4 of us and has 11 grandchildren, so far only 4 of the grandchildren are married so it’s not too unwieldy at the moment.

Chris is
I can see where you are coming from. These are all natural, kind human emotions that anyone with a good heart would feel. Don't be hard on yourself. She is just trying hard to settle. I can promise you she will come back to you.
Take care. Dawn

My two sons, one married one with a partner, seem to be much more a part of their wife’s, girlfriend ‘s families than their own.
My d in law s parents are younger than us. My other sons partner comes from a big extended family so there are many gatherings.
My dh and I are older and boring and we don’t have a good relationship so there is always tension.
I don’t blame my boys for preferring their other families.

chattykathy

Why on earth would her daughters in-laws invite her on their family holiday?
The daughter and the son got married, both families didn’t join together and become one.

Depending on the type of holiday, inviting more people along completely changes the tone. Especially if it’s an extended family holiday. Why on earth would you want to make more people uncomfortable and change the dynamic of their holiday

I’d never have suggested inviting my mum on holiday with the inlaws. Talk about being entitled. I would expect to find myself uninvited

How lovely of your daughter and SIL to invite you. It can be hard sometimes when you are sat on your own whilst it feels like everyone else is having a good time. Perhaps when your daughter goes away with them next time, you can arrange to be doing things so it doesn't feel quite so lonely. I expect it was particularly noticeable after the excitement of the wedding so next time will probably be easier.
Hats off to you for raising a daughter with whom others love enough to spend their free time. A good relationship with her inlaws will make for a happier marriage which will be reflected in her relationship with you. A win, win situation I'd say.

Controlling jealous feelings is very hard to do so I feel for you.
As for inviting you too? I suppose they could have but in some ways that puts pressure on your DD to have you and her in laws which sounds quite a lot to handle.

Our DD gets invited to in-laws a lot and taken on holiday. We don't have big holidays but we did invite our DD and her little family last year to share a holiday cottage and we will again. We loved it and think they did too. This year they were with the in-laws. We take it in turns. We love their son but we wouldn't want to share a holiday with his family.

Our other DC are independent. We don't share holidays with them though when the DGC are a bit older it would be nice to have them to stay

i would never think to invite an in law on holiday and I'm not heartless or insensitive at all.They are entitled to have their family break with THEIR family and that includes their sons wife now.I get on well with my AC's inlwas but am happy to see them at Christmas and special birthdays and not spend days or weeks with them .We are very different people.I dont understand why grans on here think thats how your daughter and her inlaws should behave towards you.

You should be pleased that they want her around and that she's happy in their company,isn't that what we all want for our children? Dont try to make her feel bad because you weren't invited ,be interested in her holiday and dont guilt trip her about it .