only daughter distanced herself and tgecwholecfamily followed suit.

I agree with others, it's a very sad but not uncommon occurrence. You will have to decide how best to manage your friend but if you want to keep the same relationship with her it's probably best to keep out. The same thing happened in our family when DH's sister stripped the mother of everything. When we expressed our disapproval and disgust to the lady she was so offended by hearing the truth she never spoke to us or her GC again! Not that it was any loss.

There are 2 sides to every story. Perhaps the daughter would tell you something very different about her childhood.

I don't believe that people go NS for no reason.

I think you should stay out of it but encourage your friend to rebuild her life independently of her family.

The lady's (spoilt) daughter cannot be 'gatekeeper' and prevent contact with grandchildren indefinitely. As they become adults it's likely they'll be curious and want to know their grandmother.

Socialising in other ways, wider family, joining clubs, volunteering etc. would give her company and confidence in the meantime. She needs to somehow get the message across that she is always there for all her family with love, practical help and advice but cannot contribute financially. There could be written notes, Facebook or email messages.

This is similar to the rift in my wider family where one person has taken against her mother in law (for no real reason) and refuses contact with grandchildren. Various other family members have assigned blame and taken sides - which I steadfastly refuse to do. It's not my quarrel and I want contact with all of them. I won't be drawn into it and everyone knows it. I have taken the view that this person is mentally unwell (at present) so deserves my friendship, respect and sympathy regardless. I see it as a temporary rift and hope that they can overcome it in the future.

Peonyrose Do be there for your friend, perhaps gently suggest things that might help her - counselling or therapy, go out for a coffee together somewhere, outside, where she can see nature or watch the world go by perhaps in a park or rural area.

Be prepared to listen as she tells her woes yet again, encourage her to resume normal life. Nothing can fully assuage her grief but reconciliaition, but help her develope a way of livingwith estrangement

There is a lot you can do to support her through this difficult time, but do not act as an emissary between mother and child because, as others have said, you have seen the outside the generous giving of giftsand services, but other things may be going on that you do not know. Some parents,for example, use giving as a form of control, 'I will give you this but I expect you to do this.' I am not suggesting your friend did this, but you cannot tell. They need to sort their problems out between themselves.

Meanwhile you are being the best of friends by being prepared to do so much to help your friend.

Many over-indulged children/AC aren't the nicest of individuals anyway.

I would say that M0nica's post is nearer the mark here.

I'm sure the woman wouldn't want to be reminded of the foolish move she made without stopping to think that this " could " happen when the money runs out.

Sadly this sort of thing happens quite a lot and it certainly tests that person's/family member's true relationship.

As has already been said, just be there for your friend.

I was asked for help, she was distraught and crying, you could almost see it coming but she seemed oblivious or chose to be. If there is a problem how can it be solved by just slamming the door and not given reasons, that's why I said ask. I hate to abobdone her when she is so low but I don't know how yo help. It's very wearing as it consumes her. Could anything be worse for her, I don't know, I don't now how I would manage to be honest. In future I will not give an opinion or advice when asked but hope I won't appear cold, just nodding and being there. I dread the phone going, just saying I'm so sorry you have this problem, you go out and thats the conversation. She was so bubbly and happy once. Thankyou for your advice. I welcome it, if it makes sense or throws another perspective on the problem, would listen and might follow it, if it didn't I would just disgard it.

Stay out of it!!!

Just be a support to your friend.

I'm afraid MOnica is right, family problems are for them to deal with. All you can do is be there for your friend and support her in whatever way you can. Don't feel guilty about trying to help a friend Peonyrose we can all only do what seems right at the time.

Poor you, but you couldn’t possibly have known how her daughter would react.

I know this lady is very close to you, and has always appeared to be a wonderful mum to her daughter, but might there be things in their past, that you aren’t aware of? Things that the daughter may hold a grudge about?

Not saying that’s the case, if not, she’s just being a complete bitch, and your friend is probably best to back off and leave her to it

Whatever the outcome, it’s not your fault

Sadly, I think to a certain extent your friend is reaping what she has sown. She has made her daughter the centre of her life, given her absolutely everything she asked for and as a result brought up a selfish and self-centred child who when her mother can no longer be of use to her, rejects her. To the daughter a mother's love is shown by giving her everything she wants. When the giving stops, no matter what the reason, it is taken as the withdrawal of love.

I am afraid, you were unwise, to get involved. By all means support your friend in her grief and despair, but outsiders getting involved in family disputes always ends disastrously.

This situation has arisen so often on threads on GN and I have seen it happen among people I know. What can be done? I do not know. But if there is a solution it can only be found by the two people involved.

So sorry about jumbled headline.should have been "the whole family"