AIB too suspicious - I don’t want to make a fool of myself!

By his actions I feel that he wants to be discovered as he certainly isn't covering his tracks very well!

He goes boating and keeps a flat near his boat?!

Aren't you being a bit naieve? When did you last visit this flat? If you don't usually go there, I think it's highly likely that it's become his Love Nest!

I certainly agree with Luckygirl - you need to decide for yourself whether YOU want to stay in this marriage and then take it from there.
I personally would make sure I got the holiday first, and on your return ( or maybe, if you can pack up the rest of his stuff and put it in the spare room/ wardrobe), present him with his packed up belongings and tell him that he wanted to go - that you overheard him, so he can go!
The fact that you even have to ask the question in the first place, surely answers your question ?

I think you know that there is very little likelihood that this is all innocent.
Prepare yourself for the worst and decide how you will deal with it before you do anything.
Don't be put in the wrong because you looked at the bill. There are very few people who wouldn't have done that in your situation. If he gets accusatory, just say 'of course I looked at the bill, I would be silly not to' or something silly. Don't agree with him that it was wrong.
It is going to be difficult. My father did this for my parents' entire marriage and my mother practised wilful blindness. As a policeman his shift working provided cover. If he said that he was working or going to help out a friend or something, she would not question it. It would have been much better if they had separated when she was younger.
Even if you find nothing, you will be living with constant mistrust which is very demeaning and stressful.
You might think that you get enough from the relationship to put up with it, some people do, but either way you are at a very difficult crossroads which is not of your choosing. You will need to be tough and use any support available to you.

My first husband was just like this . I'm afraid to say a leopards never change there spots . The only thing you can do is decide is this the life you want . If you let him know you have seen his phone bills , he will coverage he tracks even more . Keep gathering all the evidence until you decide what you want to do . Plus having all the evidence if you need a solicitor , your husband won't be able to work his way out . You could even contact the other woman . I hope everything works out for the best for you .

Use the Internet. You have a number put it into a who called search engine. When you have a name use Facebook or call his work and ask for xxxxx. Be the detective. You need more information before you know what you already kind of know.
Then come up with a plan that suits you entirely. It sounds like you've both moved away from each other over the years. I'm not surprised after the last affair.
Do you want him? Do you want to build a new life? Either way big change is up ahead.

I wish you the very best of luck. I've been there, it not easy but I hope you find happiness. Keep us updated xxx

Oh I would be turning up at that flat/boat !!

Here’s a thought Gma 29....have your booked holiday ...while on holiday give a trusted friend your keys and get the locks changed. When you return from holiday , get in the door and tell him to bugger off...when he quieries it...tell him you thought you were separating after your holiday .Then shut the door in his face.

As they say on mumsnet, get your ducks in a row. Sort out finances, bank statements, other important documents and seek legal advice. Sounds like he never ended the affair or has another one. I don't think I'd be able to resist just turning up at the flat or boat. Good luck OP, you must feel dreadful

Yeh woman up... I like that! Seriously you know it’s going on. Now it is whether you will be passive or active. You don’t need proof. You act now. Say you’ve had enough you don’t trust him. ANd you don’t want to go on holiday with him. If he is’innocent’ he will prove it to you. If not he will accept it. Yep it’s hard but don’t believe that what you are going through is better than being an autonomous proud single person. The worm has to turn, of course you are reluctant but we’re all behind you.
Don’t go creeping round his flat just put your foot down now. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
I was in this situation once and I wriggled snd wriggled in the end breaking into his emails, behaviour beyond the norm. Yes there was proof but really I should have stopped it when I first doubted, before I had self- humiliated myself. I still can’t believe the lengths I went to to get proof. NO. Just go. You’ll find the strength. It’s up to him to prove his innocence not you to prove his guilt, you have enough.

I ended up with very little confidence because I let a man treat me badly for years. I wish I'd had the strength to leave him but he eventually left me for another woman. Please protect yourself, take others advice and sort out your finances before he even suspects you know what he is up to. He shouldn't be allowed to treat you or anyone else so badly. What kind of person does that? Be strong and keep believing you can be happy without this man undermining and disrespecting you. I wish you the very best of luck. Happier days are ahead of you

You have every right to protect your dignity and self-interest. Before confronting him make sure you have hard evidence of ALL his finances, pensions and property. You may not need it, but if you ever do, he won't be as forthcoming as you may need him to be. Decide what you want for the next 5, 10 years, or longer. If you had no fear, what would your future look like? You are a strong, intelligent woman and deserve better.

What is it with some men? They think they can treat their loyal, faithful wives just as they please - and they somehow manage to make us feel guilty! I've posted on a few similar threads now, so apologies for the repetition. I've been there. Was married for many years, had a very comfortable lifestyle, good jobs, husband retired before I did and started using dating websites (for married people 'looking for an extramarital affair') a few years later, had a few affairs (and I won't go into his other despicable behaviour), 'persuaded' me he'd never do it again each time I confronted him, threatened to commit suicide if I left, said he had to make a fresh start, so we moved house and county. A year after moving, he was up to his tricks again. No dating sites this time as far as I know, but joined a walking group and met a woman there. She could have been any woman, by that time he wasn't fussy. Around my age, never been married, no children (all the right ingredients for him). He left, I divorced him. Best thing I ever did. Now a couple of years on, I have my own home and do as I please. I hear he 'persuaded' her to sell her home (she owned it outright) and to move county (history repeating itself). They married soon after decree absolute - his third marriage. I wonder if she knows that. No idea what he told her about me or our marriage, but likely to have been lies. Quite frankly, I couldn't care less.
If I were you, I'd get legal advice in the first instance. Your husband has made his bed. You deserve so much better. One of the many things I'm truly grateful for now is that I no longer have to check up on my ex. Such freedom.
Healing will take a long time, but you will get there - and you'll never again let another male treat you badly. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself treats and stick to friends and family members you know you can trust. And always believe you are so worth it. Do keep us posted.

If the calls he made were to a landline then it's easy to find the area by the code. If it's in the same area as your OH's flat then you have problems.
If calls were to a mobile then I'd ring from your own mobile (witholding the number) and ask to speak to 'X' (your OH's name) in a business-like voice.
Say that you were given the number in case he wasn't at home.
You'll be able to tell by her response and tone as to whether she knows him or not.
OR
Say nothing at all, until he goes on another trip to his boat.
After you know he's arrived, wait till the following day and ring her number but withhold yours and ask to speak to 'X'.
You could always find out for certain by staying at an hotel near his flat and discreetly see for yourself what the state of play actually is, take photos of them (if they're together) and return home before he does
If you decide to divorce you will have some proof especially if you can find out where she lives.
It all depends on how much you want to know.
Me? I'd go all the way.
Cheating is not on and you will never settle until you are sure what the situation is.
I hope it turns out in your favour.

Are you part owner of the boat flat? If so, when you turn up and if she is there you can ask her to leave. You donlt have to give any reason or excuse.

You're worried about being sneaky? He's the one having the affair.
I agree with most of the others on here- get down there next time he goes down but I would suggest going with a good friend in case it is all a bit much for you. You will have some support then.
Sounds to me as if he has no intention of leaving you as long as he can have his flings too. It's up to you to think very carefully if you want him back. If you do decide to keep the marriage going I would insist the boat goes but he will find other ways if he is so inclined.
I do sympathise though as many years ago while he was working in US I found out my DH was having an affair. It did however turn out that he wasn't & the letter I got telling me about it from 'the other woman' was actually from him & he was trying to get me to 'toe the line' -i.e do every thing he wanted rather than be an independent woman & going out with girl friends sometimes. That didn't work then.
Good luck!

Take legal advice, check all his financial, property and pension affairs, by fair means or foul. Then check the telephone number and/or visit the flat.

If your suspicions are correct the n take action.

A lawyer friend of mine had a substantial joint savings account. When she found out her husband was having an affair she was at the building society at 9 the next morning. She opened her own savings account then transferred all but £20. It's legal and as a lawyer she new she could do it.

It set her up for the next few months, including buying a house. Of course the finances were all sorted fairly later, but it gave her some practical peace of mind during the heartbreak. Took nerve though.

Good luck and hope life works out well for you.

Definitely get legal advice first, 're finances, pensions homes. You know he is having an affair, be prepared when you confont him. You will be more confident in the way you approach him, if you are armed with proper advise. I would go on holiday have her number to hand ring it on the quite, and give him phone saying it's for you. His reaction will let you know. Good luck.

How can anyone forgive an affair? He has lied and been unfaithful. End of...Chuck him out

I freely admit I might be radical but I would get legal advice like yesterday, quietly gather the things I love and were about my life and put them into storage , make sure I have independent bank account and money in it, do whatever it takes to make sure I’m ok and can survive , and after all that visit him unannounced in his flat late on a Saturday evening and ask him who the woman is he spoke to! I’d rather be on my own than waste this beautiful precious life with a cheat or miserable husband . I left my ex ( didn’t cheat was just wasting my life) and thought ok I’m 45 , overweight , no confidence , bit depressed who’d want me and within six months met the man of my dreams !! We never know what life has in store for us and there’s too many people on the planet to be lonely. I know I’m extreme but I’ve seen too many women lose everything and get so badly hurt . Call the shots !!! Plenty of support here from all these lovely ladies !

I echo above, you deserve better than this. I’d start stashing some assets if you can as he may try and use money to manipulate you or make you stay.

My personal opinion, based on being rolled over by my ex, is offence is the best defence. He couldn't be trusted in the past, you suspect he can't be trusted again. His behaviour made you sneaky.

Do you gave a female friend or sister who can ring this number?

Rather than turn up at the flat, wait till the evening before he leaves, then say, "You know what, darling? I'd like to come with you to the flat for the weekend." Then stick to him like a rash, to see if he contacts other woman to change plans. Don't let him dissuade you from going. If he shows delight that you're going, you've got your answer.

My advice is to be businesslike. Treat it as a business deal, which is what it is from this point on. Play it straight down the middle.

Get your legal advice, there's plenty online to start with, I've PMd you the one which helped me most and saved my sanity and a lot of money.

Divorce is brutal and of course you need to know the truth. If he decided to have an affair he's made a choice and now it's your turn. Choose a life without this anxiety hanging over you. Choose you.

If you go down the divorce route, it's clearly going to need some straight talking. Remember you know your truth. Believe in yourself. Refuse to be hassled into knee-jerk reactions.

Be money savvy. Get the bank details somewhere safe. Check for withdrawals from ATMs that you don't know about. Mine was taking e.g. £300 Tuesday, £400 Saturday. Letters arrived from expensive hotels 'As a valued customer...' I'd never been there!

I left all my 'treasures' with my sister - anything which could have been converted to cash. Not joint gifts, things of my mothers or my aunts and personal gifts from before we married. I didn't know he was capable of being so deceitful, so I certainly didn't know just what he was capable of.

In the end my lawyer saved me from his worst excesses, his demands and changing his mind over things. Don't be afraid to change lawyer if the first one you go to doesn't get things right. I changed after the first one was taking personal calls during my hour at £250.

You may think from all the above that I was in control and very businesslike - I was a total wreck! It took me a while, but I cottoned on in the end and I was able to get through it all. You will too. xx

Do you want to share this man?. You have found a phone number that you believe may be evidence he is having a 'relationship' Act on it.
Can you see yourself leaving him if you find evidence he is having a relationship.? Obtain professional advice as it seems clear from what you have discovered this man is partial to 'having ones cake and eating it'