Anyone else's husband turned into a Grumpy old man?

Supposed to say I can't do anything right

I have a sneaking feeling that my grumpy old man was once a grumpy young man but I never noticed. Partly because I used to drag him out, now I can’t move him, and partly because we were both so busy with our jobs that his true self remained hidden.
I saw a young couple snogging on the tube last week and I wanted to tap her on the shoulder and tell her what to expect in 50 years time.

My DH amuses himself by goading me into arguing with him. He can continue saying something he knows annoys me over and over again and I can ignore him for so long. He can have a one sided conversation with me for about 20 mins with no answer until I snap and then I see a smirk! I have calmly explained to him that this really upsets me but he continues doing it. He seems to find it funny, but if I get annoyed with him he can go off to bed and leave me feeling bad. I work shifts and sometimes am glad to go to work to get away from him. I love him to bits but sometimes I can't stay in the same room as him.

I totally understand the "grumpy old man" thing - my H is 67 and living with him gets harder every day. He is mildly depressed, has ADHD, and while I try to be supportive, it's honestly getting too hard for me sometimes.
I will not leave him but I am just exhausted and so lonely in my life. There's very little joy left and I am honestly not optimistic.
His psychiatrist recently upped the dose of his anti depressants and that's my main hope for a little respite.
He is irritable with the grandkids and even becomes aggressive so he hardly sees them any more.
Very sad situation and I empathize with everyone else who is living like this.
P

Evie64, you could speak to the GP, or write them a letter, if you think there are things they should know.
As said on another thread, the GP can't discuss anything about your husband with you but they can take account of what you tell them.

Light-hearted or not? It can be hard to tell, especially as people often make light of quite serious situations.

I agree with HildaW, that there's a difference between 'grumpy' (which can still be viewed with affection) and downright miserable, bullying and controlling. I have witnessed this at first hand (my father to my mother) and therefore have complete sympathy for you ladies who find yourselves in this situation: living with a man who 'sucks all the joy out of everything'. If it's not possible to leave, please do your utmost to carve a life for yourselves that has some happiness. Don't lose touch with friends - that is SO important. (Friends on here count!). Just remember the words from the beautiful Mary Oliver poem, 'The Summer Day' - "Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?"

Most Definitely! He has lost all tolerence.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have another mansplainer. At times it goes on and on until I want to scream. (Aspergers is involved as well.)

My husband has always been a pessimist (realist) and I’m an optimist (Pollyanna) - his description in brackets!

I find joy everywhere and he sees problems all around - I try to lift his mood but sometimes just leave him alone to stew as I can’t have too much negativity without it bringing me down and then we’d be well and truly snookered!

My husband is a terrible pessimist, grumpy, and cynical. Never was like this when young, if he had been as bad as this I’d never have married him! And am not alone, most of my friends say their husbands are grumpy. Only comfort is that as optimists we will happily outlive them, as a positive out is proven to be conducive to a longer life.

Positive outlook.

My husband can be really funny but prefers to be grumpy or gloomy telling me all the bad news of the day. I often tell him I am going to buy him a judges black cap.

A problem shared means that more than one person has a problem
Happy solstice everyone, whether you're coming or going.
This topic gets a regular airing and it's always the menfolk who are placed in the stocks. Why? In the interest of gender equality shouldn't there be a 50-50 balance of whingers represented here? Based on the evidence displayed so far there aren't many of us complaining about the fair sex (patronising possibly, ); so one side benefit would be the freeing up of column space for other posters to sing the praises of their menfolk. Just a thought!

I'm on my second grumpy husband ! You would think I would I would have learned ...... Trouble is, they do seem to believe that they are "in charge", even when, in the case of Number 2, he's basically bed-bound. Also wants lots of compliments, and I honstly can't think of any !

Oh yes ! Mine is very much of the "end of the world is nigh" brigade. Just doesn't get it when I tell him I really don't want to know.

I have just joined Gransnet in hope of finding friendship and support. Was drawn to this thread as I too have a grumpy/miserable husband. Sorry that so many of you are in the same position but I feel better knowing that I am not alone.

Yes - it’s always consoling to know others are sharing the same experiences. I sometimes (frequently?) feel that I’m a little bit mad. Is it grumpiness or just an inability to see the less serious side of life? I make the odd lighthearted remark and following the ensuing lack of understanding, I think I must be speaking a foreign language. Then my sense of humour fails as well and I think I might as well not bother.

Yes I know of two men who are always talking about their grumpy old wives. I said to one of them that age changes everyone and with many they do not realise how they themselves have changed when speaking of that in others.

Age changes all in this world regardless of gender. ?

Since we retired my husband has taken over the shopping, going to our local independent shops, just leaving me to do an occasional supermarket stock up. It was working well, as he got to choose ( control?) what he ate to a large extent.
Now we are reliant on deliveries he is really grumpy and difficult about food. He wants his routine of meals to be unchanged. Neither of us is going to shops, so I have organised deliveries of milk, veg and groceries, not without some difficulties and a few changes.
This weekend I ordered an addition to my veggie box, the ingredients for a cream tea. The strawberries won’t last long, but he says he can’t eat them with the wrong cream, as they have sent clotted cream. So my effort to provide a bit of a treat have been wasted. It is the same with any new recipes I try, or an adaptation of a meal to suit whatever items are available.

I am tired of such lack of appreciation, and his failure to adapt to circumstances. Every week he asks me what veg is coming, but every week I say we have to wait and see, then he grumbles that he doesn’t like what has come. It is really dispiriting. It is not worth having a go at him as we are stuck In this situation for a while yet, and generally we get on reasonably amicably, provided we give each other space.

Low testosterone may be the problem? GP can help if so.

When anyone asks his my oh is the answer is always 'tired ' honestly it gets on my wick!

Hi exactly the same here 45yrs married haven't spoken for 4 days and last month ten days. Drives me insane. He's nearly ten years older than me.

My husband grumps a lot but not always. When I initiate pleasant light conversations he often manages somehow to turn it round to a grump about Brexit, Government (mis) management of Covid19 or Trump. He spends half the day reading and reposting posts on facebook to support his views. I spend a lot of time in my own room. But I do love him and try to be patient. He can be very funny and very interesting.