How good is taken for granted?

After midday best on a Sunday Morning! when I was young with a hectic social life frequently didn't surface til lunchtime.

How lucky they are to have mothers at such an advanced age. I lost mine as a child. Would happily go and shake all of them to be thankful for what they have. And for some us who missed out on that bond.

I do think that I am coming to a better undestanding to why my friend has changed her will ..yrs they will be shocked her grand children will do well athough shes put an age cap to when they can get it .charities have been included and only enough have been left to her children for them to have a small hoilday with the partners.
A very selfish uncaring bunch they are ..

And yes maybe she shouldnt send a present next year ..All this bending over backwards why especially when the child is wrong there is no reason for this behaviour.

No your son is rude and ungrateful
A poor example at 44
Sadly we are looking for excuses. A child that shows tolerance love and care towards ones parents is a child indeed.
So rude to say he needed to get a cup of tea
And his poor mother couldnt even say she had sprained herself.
Its not you its him .

Well, I do hope rocknroll isn’t going to take on board all the suggestions of taking umbrage, not sending a present next year, etc etc.
How to make a mountain out of a molehill and alienate someone at the same time!
So a DS is grumpy on the phone.
What’s new, or even remarkable, about that?

That would have upset me a lot Rocknroll5me. You went to a lot of trouble to make his birthday special and must have felt deflated at his response. Your post and other responses have made me realise what kind and loving sons we have.

I'm sure adult children don't speak like this to work colleagues, bosses, their child's teachers or anyone else like this, even if they are tired, hungover, hungry, or whatever else.
Its strange that they can manage to be civil when it suits.

Very interesting that only half dozen grans thought the AC were rude and they would not put up with it from anyone else. The attitude of being pathetically grateful to AC for any contact is why they treat them this way. Why?

Your son shouldn't speak to you in this way.

Does he often do so? If it's a "one-off" and he's usually nice and good to you, I'd let it go perhaps.

If he regularly speaks to you like this, I'd definitely speak to him about it.

Thank you sodapop for saying it! So much hesitation, excuses, self doubting, apologies and bending over backwards on this thread ....anything except to push back on this bratty, rude, disrespectful behavior.

I'd guess that the "cup of coffee" is the clue to what your son was feeling. The "cup of coffee" I'd think mean that he was telling you that he was aware he sounded emotionally flat. There are a lot of reasons a person feels emotionally flat. You being his mother it's probable he presumes it's okay to speak as he feels within reason.

That birthday present sounds absolutely spot on by the way!

??

For goodness sake, its too early, too late, they have busy lives, too intrusive. Is there a book with all these excuses for rude and it seems selfish adult children.
Anja has the right idea

I have 3 children 2 sons and 1 daughter. Daughter lives nearest, about 5 miles away, she does not drive and she has some mental health probs. We speak on the phone daily, try to see her once a week (I don't go out due to disability so she has to get the bus to come here. one son I see maybe once a year, lives about 2 - 3 hours drive away, works long hours. Other son used to live quite near but now lives about half hours drive away, he has moved to a remote village, no busses,train about 2 miles (with no bus running from station to his village, he works in NHS and works long hours, his wife is a teacher and they have one daughter, 12 last week, I hardly see them and it is usually me that phones. Very good at getting in touch if money is really tight and they struggle. I do get upset sometimes and keep telling myself 'they work, they have a family and they have busy lives'.. I think it is also because I hardly ever get out, not been outside my front door in over 3 months, apart from 3 trips by ambulance to hospital etc, having said that i was in hospital for 5 days before Christmas, coming out on Christmas eve and my son did come and collect me and bring me home. I must stop moaning and feeling sorry for myself....

My mother used to phone every few weeks at 9am on a Sunday, the only morning we ever got to have a lie in as both working full time and Sat was the day for shopping and all the other household chores. I would tell her we were in bed and she'd woken us up and she'd laugh and say she knew she'd catch us in at that time. Plenty of time now to regret having been so resentful and uncommunicative with her.

Just had a look at the time of your post Rocknroll. 10.38 on a Sunday morning which means it was probably somewhat earlier when you called your son. Perhaps he was having a birthday lie in and your call woke him up. Could that be why he didn't sound thrilled to hear from you, and why he wanted coffee?
Just a thought and not making excuses for rudeness.
If that was the case I hope he called you back later on.

I would be telling him if that's his response then you won't bother again.

Many people don't think they have been rude or discourteous so they need to be told if they have.

I have had this with my mother when she complained I had wasted my time visiting her (she lives over an hour away) because I didn't stay long enough. So, I said, 'Ok. I won't waste my time again then.' I cut down my visits drastically since then to the point I only visit when it suits me now.

Same thing with my nieces, always sent them cards and gifts (every year into their twenties) and got no thank you. So that stopped too.

I can understand why you feel the way you do.

Rocknroll I totally sympathise.

It was my birthday last week. Plus I’ve been crippled (literally) with a bad back. Not seen hide nor hair of daughter (not DD just now) nor mt DiL.

Conversely both SiL and DS called with card and present and have texted and rung up asking about m back.

Off down the solicitor’s to change my will! ?

We only ring on landlines as we aren't, except for the gc, mobile phone users so I will usually ring in the evening or on a early on Friday morning as I know my son will be around. He often rings just for a chat and asks if I want to meet in town for a coffee and a look around. I suppose I am lucky really, though I must say we don't do much on present giving.

I think you really caught him at the wrong moment, although you must have phoned him around 10.30 so I don't think that is really early specially if he has children. I wouldn't mention it again but perhaps next birthday wait for him to phone to say thank you if he doesn't bother...........

I find this is the problem with mobile phones. My AC both complain I do not ring them but I feel with mobile phones you are never sure if it is convenient. A text is so much less intrusive and they can read and answer it when they want to. If I really need them I text and ask them to ring me when it is convenient.

Whenever I get the urge to phone either of my two ASs I always wonder if my timing might be wrong and invariably think better of it and wait to get my timing better. Then believe it or not I get accused of never ringing them. So I have decided you just can't win at all.

Ds may have been feeling under the weather for whatever reason. If he didn't feel up to a call he could have said " thanks Mum" I will call you back later.
To me he was rude. Fear he wouldn't be having another birthday present if he was my DS.

At least he will answer the phone, eldest son won't make any effort to stay in touch, won't answer the phone, ignores texts and emails, has recently moved and I don't even have an address for him. Is friendly enough when we do meet up, perhaps once a year, but he just doesn't see the need for contact. GC well brought up, but they don't answer texts either! My other AC are so different!