Please help me with advice about being adopted, health and family issues

Well that was a conversation stopper MooMooHead!
I suppose this will be one of your stories to tell.

Sorry, mistyped your username EllanVannin!

Thank you so much EllanVallin for your reply. I’m so pleased that I posted on here; Mumsnet was dreadfully unsympathetic and dismissive, and they all seem to be quite rude about people who have been through a lot of trauma that they feel they should just ‘get over’..!

I was prescribed the Citalopram first of all by several GPs that I went to see, but as I was so adverse to taking any type of psychotropic meds, I refused to try it. I was my own worst enemy in some ways, but there is no point in regretting what has been done now. I know with hindsight that if I had taken the Citalopram first, then I might never have been given the Pericyazine. I’m not bitter about it and angry with myself (much!)??

The post concussion syndrome was what caused me all the odd cognitive symptoms in the first place like the brain fog, difficulty reading etc. The acute dyskinesia and dystonia came during the week I was taking the antipsychotic and merely exacerbated by post concussion syndrome symptoms to the max. I was literally back arching in the bed, had involuntary abdominal tightening and grimacing, and then after I had gone cold turkey, I started feeling very odd with other symptoms such as tongue clicking, tics, arm and toe wriggling, making kissing noises with my mouth etc. I even had a funny moment with the antidepressant when I took the first pill - I call it my ‘fish lips’ moment - whereby my lips pouted so that I was sucking my cheeks in and couldn’t separate my lips apart..! ??? My husband had to get a wooden spoon and put it in between my lips to prise them apart! Not very ladylike!

As you can tell, it has been quite an adventure! I’m sure if my family had taken the drugs I had, and had the same awful reaction I had, they wouldn’t be so quick to say that doctors know best and pills are so great...

Life is funny, and I guess I will have a lot of weird stories to tell my grandchildren one day! Ha ha!

Thankyou for that insight NooNoo, Having been a nurse many years ago when buildings were known as " asylums " in the 50's and where many poor women were locked up just for having depression. Thank God that's changed but we're still miles behind when it comes to mental health.

This is why I was curious to know what caused your dyskinesia as I know withdrawal from atipsychotic drugs can cause it as well as side-effects from the type of drug you were taking. It belongs to the family containing Haloperidol another antipsychotic which is either taken orally or intramuscularly and to my mind a dangerous one unless you get the diagnosis right.

I can see by what you've written that the drug that you had has the same effect and can cause psychosis

I would hope that your GP recognises your case as one which was caused by the side-effects of Pericyazine and gives you full support.

Citalapram is what you should have had in the first place though I understand it's trial and error in finding the right medication for the diagnosis and also starting with a low dose to steadily increase rather than a high dose and decrease.

Also interesting that you were adopted too which in a lot of adoptees has a " separation anxiety " history as well. Then meeting the birth mother. A lot of different and varying emotions going on.
I can only applaud you for having gone through what you have and hope that you can eventually live without the TD at some point in life. You've done well.

leased should read pleased.

*I kept saying, who the heck gets lip smacking as part of anxiety?!
Anyway, the post concussion syndrome was dreadful and I am glad that it is so much better too. At one point, I didn’t recognise my own street and couldn’t read properly. I really felt like I had some kind of dementia, and it made me adamant that if I ever get it, I am going to get a way of getting out of here - I don’t ever want to live through that.*

For someone in such turmoil NooNooHead I am glad that you have kept your sense of humour and liberally used and given yourself a pleasant nom de plume.
With your quote above I also know of a drug that can cause lip smacking, failure to read and to recognise your own street, plus forgetfulness, but as you don't mention it I am not surprised that your doctor didn't prescribe it.
. I’m part of a lot of online support groups for the TD etc on Facebook, and I find it really helpful to talk to others who are going through the same thing and it has been a lifesaver to be honest, getting support from others who know what it is like.
I thought it was just MN (by the way, I cant understand why you were met with such hostility there, it must be the younger generation in their 30's and 40's) and GN you had approached after reading your OP, but I am so leased that you have realised that you have the help of other agencies which are helping you greatly.
I can only repeat my heartfelt comment that try and look on the bright side of life. Things can only get better!

I think it’s very interesting your initial post stated that your upbringing was wonderful but that your adoptive mother was over protective,only later do you mention your birth mother and the fact that some of your problems may stem from her lack of care during pregnancy.
I think you have perhaps unfairly blamed your adoptive mother for too much care rather than your birth mother for too little.
Girls are more likely to slip through the net when it comes to a diagnosis of Autism as we are far better at emulating or peers than boys so it is likely you could be autistic but think carefully about what you want from a diagnosis and how it may help you.
It sounds as though you have survived huge traumas and come out the other end, you must be very resilient
I feel you should stop looking at the bigger picture and concentrate on small goals, building your self esteem can come from small everyday victories.
Remove all the pressure of getting a new career etc and embrace what you have, why not learn a new skill or do some further education, some courses are free if you are registered unemployed.
Good luck and well done for surviving so well.

Fennel thank you, I am so grateful for the wonderful children I have now. I am aware there are so many who have things a lot worse than me, and watching my friends go through IVF etc really puts lots into perspective and makes me realise my life isn as bad as I think. I am 37 and have a good few years of work and life left to be better, and I always try to see that my health will improve from now on. You’re right, I have given birth successfully despite my problems and that is something I am very proud of. My son is very gorgeous and healthy, and I feel so blessed with him.?

EllanVannin It was prescribed medication that gave me the dyskinesia, a potent typical first generation antipsychotic drug called Pericyazine. God knows why my GP prescribed the bloody thing with my medical history of premature birth, head injury etc. I was just very ill at the time though, and I had an awful aversion to any type of psychotropic medication, and I think she was acting out of desperation to be honest. I had already been prescribed diazepam, zopiclone, Citalopram etc and had refused to take the Citalopram. Ironically if I had taken it, I may have avoided TD. Hindsight is a wonderful thing..! ?? i did eventually take the Citalopram after I had cold turkeyed the antipsychotic (more very bad advice from my GP..!), and it worked well and made me so much better.

I know it is all water under the bridge now, but it was just so horrendous at the time. I’m part of a lot of online support groups for the TD etc on Facebook, and I find it really helpful to talk to others who are going through the same thing and it has been a lifesaver to be honest, getting support from others who know what it is like. I remember before I was first diagnosed that my had family and GP just didn’t believe I had TD and could get it from such a low dose. I self diagnosed it, but I was so angry and frustrated that no-one believed me; they l just said it was anxiety and depression - I kept saying, who the heck gets lip smacking as part of anxiety?!

Anyway, the post concussion syndrome was dreadful and I am glad that it is so much better too. At one point, I didn’t recognise my own street and couldn’t read properly. I really felt like I had some kind of dementia, and it made me adamant that if I ever get it, I am going to get a way of getting out of here - I don’t ever want to live through that.

I’m rambling now, sorry! Thank you for listening to my moaning, you are all v kind! ??

Can you say if it was prescribed medication ( or illegal ) which caused your dyskinesia ?

+1 hotmt.
Well done NooNooHead.
Can you tell us how old you are now? To broaden the picture.
You have 2 children now - try to focus on how you can be a good parent for them. Which I'm sure you can, with all your experiences.

I am sorry to hear about your problems, but very impressed that you gave birth to a child despite all your health problems.
All I can suggest is that you look on the bright side. Things can only get better.

Thank you all for your great replies. They are really thoughtful and helpful, and I think they will help me to process a lot of what I am feeling about many of the issues I have about my health and recent problems.

With regards to looking on the positive side, you have all made some brilliant suggestions and I completely agree with you about finding the best things to focus on, and doing things that are more beneficial to my health such as a good diet and exercise. I do find that my movements stop once I am distracted, and get a lot worse when I am very stressed, so I try to make an effort to make my life as stress free as possible. I know that this isn’t always possible with a young baby but do have the help of my DH who is always being really good around the house, and doing loads of chores etc to help make my life easier with my DS.

With regards to my adoption and relationship with my mum, I know that I am possibly taking things a lot more seriously than I should be, but I really have had a tough time over the past few years and have been to hell and back with my head injury, post concussion syndrome and drug induced involuntary movement disorder, and I think this has really made me analyse my life and relationship with my mum a lot more. I have already met my birth mum a few years ago, and that was fine, but I think I am trying to work through other feelings I have towards her about the fact she took drugs while pregnant with me, therefore making me probably more susceptible to the movement disorder that I have. Although I shouldn’t have lots of feelings of bitterness about this, I do in many ways, and that makes my recovery and dealing with my TD a lot harder knowing it could have been avoided. My GP was also to blame in some ways though - she told me not to look up the side effects of the drug I took (a potent first generation typical antipsychotic drug), which in my eyes is as good as uninformed consent. I know you have to be your own advocate when it comes to your health, but I was so ill at the time that I didn’t have the insight into my illness and its severity. I certainly wasn’t really in a position to assess the safety and suitability of my treatment options at the time.

I digress... life isn’t always a bed of roses and I have so much to be grateful for. I just have to look at these things every day a bit more closely, and count my blessings better.

You have a lot of love around you.
Yes, you are having some health challenges, but you have done very well so far. As someone suggested, you must see your GP, who will probably refer you for Counselling. All the best Noonoo .

Someone recently suggested that each evening we should think of 3 good things that have happened through the day. With two children and a good husband that shouldn't be too difficult and it will help you realise how much you have going for you - and difficult but loving mothers, is not a problem limited to adopted children.

As someone up thread said, one can get into a pattern of dwelling on everything that is negative and ignore the good things in life - and you really have had many of those.

I would investigate the possibility of having autism and ADHD. As someone with dyspraxia, which wasn't diagnosed until I was in my 40s and probable ADHD. These things are not automatically picked up in childhood, especially if you are at the milder end of the spectrum.

But think carefully before you do this. Are you doing it in order to have something to blame for any problems in your life or are you doing it to enable you to move on and just make adjustments in your life to deal with it?

I have found knowing I am dyspraxic has been helpful. I have taken up Tai Chi and Pilates to improve my balance, when I discovered last year it affects some of one's thinking processes, I realised why I had problems with smart phones and promptly got a tutor to help me overcome the problems.

The same with ADHD, recognising the cause of some difficulties I have has helped me deal with them but too many people use these diagnosis to give up on life and blame everything on their problems. In your state of mind you are in danger of doing this.

I’m sorry you’re feeling unhappy. It would be good to talk to your doctor- it may be that you need counselling, or a short course of SRI therapy to put you back on track. I wouldn’t self- diagnose, autism and ADHD are serious conditions, and it’s doubtful that you would have reached adulthood and achieved what you have without being diagnosed earlier. And look at what you have achieved: a good marriage, two lovely children, a career. You say your freelance contract finished: but lots of people have been let go in recent years due to recession, so you should not feel it is a failure. Also, I notice that in your paragraph #1 you speak of your happy and secure childhood, but then in the next paragraph you are critical of your mother, and seem to want to blame her for your current feelings of unhappiness. It is unlikely that your upbringing would have caused autism or ADHD, and although you say you feel your mother has been overprotective, she has given you the security to leave home, have a career and marry and have children. Also, you have been fortunate to have a brother whom you dearly loved, even if only for a short time. Your present despondency arises from your grief over his death and your ectopic pregnancy, your continuing health problems, and the tiredness associated with bringing up two small children. With the support of your parents, your husband and your doctor and therapists I am sure you will get through this and enjoy life again.

Let’s look at the positives here. Wonderful supportive adoptive parents. A happy childhood. Great husband and two wonderful children. So far, so good.

You say you had a baby in June. It is possible you may have a bit of post natal depression.

You say you have a few health issues. It seems there are things casting a cloud over your life which are best dealt with through counselling and perhaps a chat with your doctor.

The other thing I will say, though don’ t want to seem harsh, is that I often meet people .... I had a conversation only yesterday with a friend of my age, who has a wonderful family but is never happy ..... she is always focussing on negatives in her life. As long as I have known her ...... her glass is always half empty. It is as if a switch needs to be flicked in her head.

With her, it is always a case of why she can’t do something. It is to do with problems in her childhood, her ex husband, etc.

Why not see your doctor and a counsellor and try to sort this out so you can enjoy the wonderful life you deserve. X

You've been through a tough time. I'm not sure your being adopted has much bearing on your situation unless you feel you want to look for your birth parents? It sounds as though you had a very stable and loving childhood so perhaps all your insecurities stem from your head injury, grief, job loss and ectopic pregnancy - all of which are traumatic life events.

I believe the TD is a medical issue - could you seek more help from your doctor on it. I'm sure there are probably support forums which would also give advice on how to cope better with it.

I agree you may need some professional therapy. It's possible to be tested for autism/Aspergers as an adult as my son has just been through this - his own son has HFA and he felt he also has some of the traits brought up in the assessment.

As you have the support of your husband would he be able to help you get the therapy you need - he obviously loves you and possibly doesn't realise the full extent of your insecurities. Good luck.

I think you would benefit from counselling and therapy. You might also see your GP about the TD - I'm not sure about TD specifically, but I know that akathisia can sometimes be treated with medications.