Support for all who are living with estrangement

I haven't posted about my situation for a while, but I am pleased to say that there have been positive developments over Christmas and New Year and that there has been a lot of dialogue and taking things through, rather than the previous stony silence. ED says she loves us, so baby steps and fingers crossed, but I am hopeful.

I wasn't sure about posting because I don't want anyone to think that I am smug in any way, as I know the agony of all this. But I also know that the posters on here are a kind and supportive bunch, who will be pleased for me, and I also wanted to say don't give up hope.

Smileless, so pleased you are having a lovely time with your son. We are hoping to plan a trip to Australia and New Zealand, including Perth, in the next year or two, so I am pleased to hear how wonderful it all sounds. I have also told DH that I don't want to fly economy as it's so far and we will probably only go once. Have you ever been on the Indian Pacific or Ghan train across Australia, as it's something I really fancy?

Smileless2012So glad you are visiting with your son and having a wonderful time. You and Mr S deserve it.

Yes, we're having a wonderful time Yogagirl. Going back to Perth tomorrow having spent a few days in the most wonderful house at Margaret River.

Looking out on to woodland, kangaroos and seeing the most beautiful birds. When we come to Aus. next time we'll book the same place but for longer.

You're so right about the upgrade; when it comes to flying to Aus. in the future, only business class will do.

One of the things I envy about people who live in Europe is that you're able to travel to many different countries without having to go very far. I live in western Canada. The province where I live is 20% larger than France. From where we live to the U.S. border is a day's drive, and the state that borders my province is not very populous so it would be even longer to get to a major city.

Hi CrazyH, Yogagirl, I too have visited India for a holiday!
Such a vibrant lovely country. We did the tourist route (Golden triangle), but took 4 weeks doing it. I would love to go back and stay in one of those beautiful palaces on the river islands.
Gorgeous country, with lovely people.

Hi CrazyH

I went to Kerala and it was wonderful. We had two weeks right on the beach! I thought by the beginning of our second week I would be egger to return home, but no! I was having such a wonderful time. None of my group got Deli-belly, so we all had a very memorable lovely trip to India.

Yoga girl, How did you enjoy India? I am Indian born and bred. Sadly haven't been back since 1993. No family left, so no magnet. Did you go to Kerala? Best part of India, but then I'm prejudiced ?

Hope you are enjoying yourselves with your dear son in Oz Smileless I had a close bond with my son too, as did his eldest sister, we both cannot understand his reason to follow his youngest sister into estrangement, other than the you're my brother & brother's stick together from estD's husband. Whenever he came back from Uni he would always give me a hug & kiss and say he loved me, in fact he would pick me up, him being 6ft 4inchs and me 5ft 2inchs

I upgraded when I went to India a few years back, spoils you forever!

Hi everyone- We have been in the sun for two weeks now and boy what a difference it makes emotionally to be in the warmth.
My DH and I went to the restaurant where we met my ES school friend who is a waitress there. I took a picture of her and sent it to my son and he responded. He said to say hello to her and asked where we were . It’s not much but he responded.
I will take it. As far as ESS nothing . It was hard to look at holiday pictures that my DD sent us since the other two grandmothers were in them.
I know this has been a hard time the last month for all of us. I have two friends that have lost their sons in the last year. And I realize that even though we don’t have both our boys and two grandchildren in our lives, at least they are alive and well and we can have hopes of seeing them again. My friends cannot .

Aquamarine " just want what's normal with most families,"

Exactly!

Crazyh...
I know what you mean, it makes us sound greedy wanting more, we should be grateful for crumbs.... I know you see your son and Dil also GC but you just want whats normal with most families, no awkwardness, tension etc, just families WANTING to spend time together. I know exactly what you mean, I have such supportive friends but none of them experience my situation, my best friends daughter wants her mum to visit and initiates contact and lots of visits, unless I make contact nothing... And I live in fear constantly of contact stopping if I say anything that AC doesn't agree with, it's like he's dumped anger towards me, we were once sooo close, I'm a solution person but whatever I try makes it worse. Sending a great big heartfelt hug to you all....

crazyH you are welcome, and thank you too.

Thankyou Sparkly.
I know I am not totally cut off but that's only because I ask if I can go over to see the GC. They never bring them over to me. And when I do go, they hardly talk ...I have to initiate conversation, mainly with the 4 year old. Sometimes I wonder why I bother.
I'm sure some of you will say, i should be grateful that i get see them occasionally....yes I am, but knowing that you are disliked by your son and d.i.l makes it very, very awkward.
Happy 2019 to all going through family difficulties.

Smileless2012 you are so right, just hearing your DS call out ‘Mum’..well I tear up writing this as I feel longing to hear it said to me in my darling son’s voice.

absent I agree, I miss everyone who is involved in the estrangement.Aquamarine I know what you mean about just wanting to recreate your own lovely experience with your own DGP. I had 2 lovely DGMs, I spent a lot of time at their houses and loved them dearly. What both sets of DGPs gave to me, my siblings, my DS and cousins, was and is incalculable.

I would have been a lovely granny myself, having learned from the best.

Stay strong and be good and kind to yourselves this weekend ladies.

Ginni 42
Hope all works well at DD. Just go with it, atleast relationship with DD is good and strong. DD will hopefully sort out problems with husband. Just be there for DD and GC..

The hardness of dealing with family estrangement is not always to do with children and grandchildren, although that must invariably be hugely painful and difficult. Separation between adults in a family – a mother and daughter, two sisters is still truly sad and hard to handle.

Hi everyone, thank you for your wishes. It was a good flight and we both managed to sleep so haven't suffered too much from jet lag.

It's so wonderful being here with DS, hearing someone call out 'mum' is so much more important than it used to be. He's been struggling a bit financially since his wife left so to help him out we've bought him a new settee and washing machine which will be delivered today.

'Don't worry about a w/m mum, we can use the launderette' . I explained there was no way his ever so slightly ocd mum could cope with that for 3 weeks.
Mr. S. thought it was a good idea too until I pointed out that he'd be the one sitting there until it was all done. Suddenly paying for a new w/m didn't seem like a bad idea.

Dontaskme it's good to hear that you're becoming more accepting. It's so hard isn't it but if you go with the flow so to speak, the pain does ease and gradually you can move forward.

Ginny I hope our DD is OK and you do get asked to go and help out. How lovely it will be to spend time with her and our GC and who knows, maybe it will help our s.i.l. to see the importance of all family. I hope so.

Thank you for caring Dontaskme. Not been asked yet and as they live abroad I'd have to see if I can book a flight. I gather she will be in hospital for the day and will have black eyes and won't be feeling great. He would go and stay with his brother, but if there's a time when you'd like some tlc from your husband surely it's when you've had surgery, so I hope he will be supportive. He never usually does a tap around the house. If only he would see that my DD needs us to be united and working together for the family. x

Ginny that's not a nice thing to happen to your DD, a broken nose is very painful.
If you do go to help and its for the day, will the GC notice if Dad isn't there? Wouldn't he be at work anyway? If its overnight where would SiL go? Him not being there doesn't make you "sound" like anything. I'd be guided by your Daughter and enjoy the fact that you are able to spend time with your GC. Have a lovely visit if you do go.
Actually its a bit late in the day now so you're probably either already there or know if you're not needed!

Love your final line Aquamarine, 'warmth, fun and love with nannie.'

Again faced with a strange situation today. I may go and visit my DD and GC but my SiL will move out during my stay. My daughter has broken her nose in a fall on a slippery path at Christmas and I may be asked to go to help out. My worry is what it says to the grandchildren when Daddy can't be in the same house as me. It makes me sound like a really bad person.

Stay strong and positive everyone. xx

I agree our GC are always in our hearts, but I still get very sad at situation. It seems unfair and unjust. Always on tenderhooks, you certainly can be grateful for good things in your life and we try to keep busy, but when I know our GC loves and enjoys time with us, just so sad it's on my AC T&C, we can't just see GC when we would like, or phone , we are not allowed home telephone number, mean and cruel..... I loved my nannie, only want to replicate that relationship, one of warmth, fun and love ?

Have a great break Smileless and Mr Smileless. Will miss your supportive posts.

Smileless have a wonderful time.
Dontaskme pleased to hear you are feeling a bit better.
It takes time to reach that place of peace of mind, we have to acknowledge that some days will be better than others, and focus on the good days. Being grateful for all that is good in our lives. It doesn't mean we have forgotten our grandchildren, far from it, its just that we owe it to ourselves to live life to the full. Whatever we are doing our grandchildren will always be with us in our hearts.

Smileless Have a great time

Hope everyone is alright, and I'm pleased to say I'm feeling better - not only am I over the lurgy but for some reason, without even talking to myself about it, with the passing of Christmas and arrival of the New Year I seem to have come to a place that is calmer and more "oh well", if that makes sense? I could carry on blubbing and feeling dreadful but I seem to have sort of not exactly moved on but am more accepting. I still feel sadness but absolutely nothing like before, and its not in the forefront of my mind 24/7.
No idea how I'll feel when GC's birthdays arrive, but this is now the 2nd year since we last saw them, so can't be as bad this year, I'm sure. I hope, anyway.

Have a wonderful trip, you deserve it!!!!

Thank you for all of your support to us all.