Youngest son moves back in

*He says if that's what you want, thinking he's calling my bluff,*

But he has called your bluff? Unless you are actually going to do it.

I would though. He sounds deeply unpleasant and you potentially have another thirty Years with him shudder

I totally agree with Nannabilly. No need to add any more to her post ?

Your DH is being a bit mean, isn't he? I think it's fine for your son to move back in as long as he pays his way.
Personally, I'd be delighted if one of my sons came to live with me. At the moment, the mood I'm in, I'm absolutely fed up with being on my own all the time. So I envy you.

Old Meg- I'm with you - hate sentences being started with 'So'. It comes from watching too much U.S. TV.
Our youngest son moved back 3 times. Once when house share with mates fell through. Then bought his own house with GF & they split so he moved out until he bought her out & then when he was engaged to his now wife when they sold his house & her flat & were waiting to move into new home. They are about to move again but now have 3 children & animals- I am hoping it will all got through at same time or we are going to be very crowded!
It's just life & I'm glad we were always able to help ( but we may buy a smaller house if they think about moving again!)

When our daughter moved back home, we didn't ask for board or food money as she was saving every penny for a house deposit.

If this hadn't been the case, I would have asked for board money and saved it up to hopefully help with bond money to enable her to rent.

I would have either of my children and grandchildren back home at only a moments notice.
However it wouldn't be my DH that would be grumpy
It would be me! ( I would endeavour to hide it).
Peace and quiet at the end of the day keeps me sane.

Yes you do need to find out exactly what the problem is Babushka and talk it through. It does seem as if there are more serious problems in your marriage. I agree we should help our children where we can but also encourage them towards independence. The poster who said put a time limit on your son's stay and then see if you can help with a deposit or rent was right in my opinion.
Not everyone likes having others around all the time even family, I fall into this category and would not want to have my children or grandchildren living with me unless there was no alternative.

They're our children for life, if help was needed, it would be freely given, whatever it was!

Can I ask a question? Now that son is back at home do you do all his washing, ironing. Cook all his food, wash all the dishes etc etc
If you are then I understand husband looking forward to son moving out again. BTW you don't say how old son is?

I have loved having mine back at home at times when they have needed to have a stop gap of some sort.
They are my children and they are for life I would help them anyway I could,any man who came between me and my children for what ever reason would be looking to live elsewhere pretty dam quick.

Until last year, I’d had children at home for 43 years. First time in my adult life it’s just been myself and husband so still feels strange. DD1 stayed at home till she was 23. DS till he was 22. Last summer DD2 left, also at 23. Should point out there is 20 years between DD1 and DD2. Saved up rent the first 2 paid us and they used towards deposits for houses. DD2 still at uni doing post-grad but has moved in with BF but have saved for her too.

Does the rest of the family comment to you about DH's grumpiness or to him? If they only remark on it to you, tell them to talk to him about it. He just might be more willing to listen to them than to his wife! Men often are.

Obviously, you want and feel you need to help your son, but I think I can see a little of what is bothering your Dh, too. He probably had got used to being alone with you, and doesn't want that to change.

Point out he is being unreasonable being furious about your DS having given up his accommodation. You say it was a live-in job, and as he has quitted his job, he would need to move out, wouldn't he?

Ask your DH what his ideas are for a solution - being furious and grumpy is not a solution.

How very difficult for you Babushka. If your ds needs your help and has nowhere else to live, but has now got himself another job and is willing to cover his cost how can you refuse him staying? I think your dh is being very mean and territorial. My dh is stepdad to my 2 sons of 31 and 23 who both still live at home and who he helped me bring up from eldest 17 and youngest 8 years old. My dh gets on really well with my sons and sometimes goes to the cinema with one or other or both of them. They both have jobs and contribute to our household budget. It probably helps that we have accommodated my sons in loft extension so they have their own shower room too and any noise they make is a floor away. Honestly I would not see either of them without a home and consider our home is their home too. I made it clear to my dh that when I agreed to marry him my children came with me as a package deal. If your dh is so uncaring towards his own son I would tell him if anyone is asked to leave it will be him. My sons cannot afford a deposit yet even with help from us and until they want to move out our home is their home. I feel so sorry to hear your dh cannot show kindness to your ds. Your ds must feel terrible if he knows your dh does not want him there.

Maybe if you are selling the house and getting separate places you could move in and share with son?

Maybe you DH has heard and read too many tales of caution about "boomerang kids" moving back in with parents, due to the current appalling situation as regards accommodation, but then proceed to treat the place like a hotel and become too complacent to think about moving on.

At least your son is paying his way - very many apparently do not and are then genuinely stupefied that Ma & Pa expect them to contribute something. Really!

I would not see any grown up wage earning child of mine without accommodation but, and a big but, there would have to be rules.No overnights for friends what ever their sex. I would expect them to find alternative accommodation as soon as possible. We are entitled in our senior years to a bit of privacy and maybe this is what your husband wants but feels not able to have with his son living there. I see your point as a mother. Sorry I can't offer any more advice other than alternative accommodation as soon as possible.

Perhaps your husband should consider that sometime in the future he might need his son to take him in. Anything could happen and he might need a loving son to look after him.

You have a large house, he is paying his way, you are his parents, so why not. Seems your husband needs to get over it.

I am afraid the old boy wants you to himself and now the young boy has returned and messed up his lovely life of being the centre of your attention! I am pretty sure he doesn't want you to go anywhere. Talk to DS, in a general way and see what his future plans are or better still get Dad to do it. Is DS aware of the atmosphere in the house?

My 3 moved in and out a few times when young, it’s what they do, finding their feet in the world, trying new things and knowing that Mum is always there to help out. They always paid their way and treated me with love and respect. My ex ( their stepfather) tried to stop my eldest moving back in MY house ! So he was told a few Home truths. As long as the AC are not expecting a free ride or abusing the hospitality I cannot see what the problem is. This makes it worse if it’s the natural father, and as others have said, do you want this attitude for the rest of your life ?? You need some fun in your latter life, not moaning and misery, and he certainly is not showing you any respect or empathy.

If my husband said me or him I'd choose my son every time. Far for more fun, generous and helpful around the house.

Chuck out husband and keep your DS - what a selfish man

Shazmo ... there's a lot of them about!

We would not want to see our kids homeless but we would hope that their marriage is very long lasting and they do not come back home to live. However if they did then they would be welcome. If the kids could not count on us their parents when in need then who could they count on.

I’d have my eldest son back in a heartbeat! Can’t see the problem. But then I like my kids.

Stick to your guns your Dh is jealous and wants you all to himself.Your son will get back on his feet and deserves your help I would be upset if my son didn't turn to me for help also one day your Dh might need help one day from your son maybe you should remind him of this why be mean towards your own family he needs to get over himself.