Mother's Day and Family Dynamics

Annie I don’t know the story behind your loss, but you obviously had a beautiful child who loved you very much. Surround yourself with those precious memories on Mothering Sunday, safe in the knowledge of that love. A love that is with you every day, not just “special” ones.

Same as every other year. We’ll totally ignore it.

I used to get the home made cards from school, but since then I’ve made it clear I can’t be bothered with it.
My late mother liked it, so we always gave her a gift and a card, and I’ll take flowers to the cemetery.

Thank you lemon, Smileless, Irishrose , I was truly blessed with such love. As I said to you all the day she died - she was my joy, my tears, my world .

I wish all mothers here a joyful Mothering Sunday ?

Thank you Anniebach and I’m glad you have lovely memories.

I am lucky in that my family all live close. My Mum died more than 20 years ago so most years my 3 DDs arrange a meal , out or at one of their homes and are we are joined by my 2 DGSs. Sons in Law visit their Mums and DH takes his Mum for Lunch. Works for us.

Ginny, that is how we use to spend the day, my two girls and grandchildren with me, my two sons in law with their mothers. The grandchildren taken to say hello to their paternal grandmother by their father sometime during the day. My daughters didn't write their husbands names on my cards and their names we not written on their mother in law cards. My younger daughter now lives in Lincolnshire so we will use face time . I am concerned this year for my three grandchildren , their first without their Mother .

I never had or have any expectations of Mother's Day . I doubt if either of my DC will even send a card but I know they care about me and their dad so that is all that matters.

Oh Annie....?

Daddima, I agree with you. My parents didn’t like the commercialised Mother’s Day, and we always ignored it. I haven’t been able to persuade my sons to ignore it. I do tell them not to send me presents, but they usually do. It is very close to my birthday, so I feel embarrassed if they spend yet more unnecessary money. A card if they must, but there’s no need even for that.

The old church Mothering Sunday was fine, but what we have now is not that. It’s just a chance to sell more and more tat, rather as Valentine’s Day has become.

I have an unmarried friend with no children, and she finds Mother’s Day very upsetting. It’s impossible to avoid in shops. She’s reminded at every turn that she is not included.

Annie another first to get through for you and your family.

When my children were small I loved mother's day even though I had no mother to celebrate with. ( just flowers to cemetery)

My children made homemade cards and their Sunday school always gave each child a small bunch of daffodils to give to their mums or carer.

Now I take so much pleasure seeing my grandsons proudly giving their mum homemade cards and a little present.
I also get a homemade Gran card which always brings a tear to my eye.

No commercialism or expectations involved.

My Sister has no children.
My DD always gives a Mothering Sunday card and small gift to her aunt as she is also her Godmother.

Crazy why not go for the dream ? Invite them all to get together for Mother’s Day tea for a couple of hours?

Maybe you’ll be surprised?

Cherry, my three grandchildren include my younger daughter , she is their Godmother and unable to have children, don't mean to put anyone on a downer but I was so moved and proud of her , a few years ago she had yet another IVF treatment , the day she had to do a test was Mothering Sunday, it was positive , few weeks later she miscarried yet again but she said to me - Mum this Mothering Sunday I was a mother , nothing can take that from me.

What a lovely positive thought your daughter had anniebach. She WAS a mother if only for a brief time

Annie, such wonderful memories to bring a smile amongst the tears
I won't see either of my darling daughters on the day. One lives away and is heavily pregnant. She will send a card and telephone. My other daughter is local but she will spend the day with her husband and their little ones. Again she will send as card and small gift and, we will talk through the day.
I will pop to see my own mum (I see her every day). We will have a cup of tea together and an hours chat.
If im honest, I would love to see my daughters but it doesn't happen

I envy all those GNs who still have their Mothers ... I still miss her even though its 24 years since she left us.

Anniebach, what a great daughter you have ...yes she will always be a Mother....she had that baby in her womb even though it was for a short time xx

How very sweet Anniebach I wish you and all Mothers that have lost there DD, a Happy Mother's Day full of sweet memories.

I remember my lost D taking us out for breakfast, she was very young too, paid bill from her savings! I was so surprised with the invite & of course it was lovely

Anniebach miracles happen, your DD may still have a baby, even without IVF. I do hope your GC cope ok this Mother's Day without their mum & of course you, without your DD. God Bless xx

Crazy, I love the idea of the whole family getting together for a meal! But, no doubt, it's just a dream.

Dd and I usually do that on a small scale - just the 2 of us (two mums) and the GC. But I'm flexible if they want to do something else.

I think that's what we older mums need to do - be flexible. Accept the fact that our ac may just send a card or a gift or make a quick phone call. And be cool w/ seeing them on an alternative date, like the Saturday before or the following Sunday.

I'm glad you don't expect a card from your dils. You're not their mum. I doubt your dss send cards to their mils either. Please stay flexible and enjoy whatever acknowledgments you get.

Happy Birthday in advance, MawBroom!

Annie, I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. Such beautiful memories though! I know you'll treasure them always.

Sorry for ydd's difficulty with having a child, too. Has she considered adoption? Whatever, I'm glad she has a good relationship with odd's kids. That must mean even more now. Best wishes to her!

OP - plan your ideal day and then organise it just for yourself because you are always a mother and deserve to have a day doing exactly what you'd like to do.

Yes, family dynamics are very complicated. I tell my 2 sons to ensure wives are spoilt, MIL’s too. Both my sons live up to 2 hours away, so I always say that I will combine Mother’s Day with my birthday celebration next month, and they all come to me on that day every year, with all grandchildren etc So I get them all to myself and am spoilt rotten. My daughter lives close and always plans something amazing, including her MIL too. My own Mum, we will take her out on Saturday so that my brother and sister can see her Sunday. It always takes planning in advance to keep everyone happy !!

I have cooked Mothering Sunday lunch for our 2 sons, their wives and 4 children for the past............many years. We’ve got the biggest table and DILs are not into cooking! It’s fine, I’ve NEVER EVER been the centre of the day as there were always other mums around......my mum, my MIL, then DILs became mums. I have no desire to be centre and really it’s all far too hyped up and commercialised and that’s what causes people to feel left out. Another of those dates that has been sabotaged by Americans and found its way across here in this exaggerated way. Just another day. ( by the way I cook Sunday meal lots of weeks so it’s just business as usual)

I think Mother's Day has been built up by card and gift companies into something it shouldn't be. So many adverts show an idealistic family celebration but for many of us that just isn't going to happen. Both my lovely mum in law and my mum died over twenty years ago, my son has never remembered about Mother's Day in his life so I would be astounded if he did now, my daughter is now a Mum herself so I have taken my grandchildren shopping for presents and cards for her. If your children phone/text/call around to see you on other days of the year then surely that is what is important rather than worrying about one hyped up over-commercialised day?

It's one day out of 365/6. If your children only show you their affection on that one day...it's a poor show.
There are too many of these 'celebratory' days and it's women/females who get their knickers in a twist about family get-togethers, cards, not receiving presents/flowers/phone calls. Men aren't bothered.
Many ladies see it as a slight if no mother's day phone call happens or cards fail to appear on tbe mat, even if their offspring are regular visitors.
Let's just enjoy our children and them us, every day, not just a faux celebration dreamed up by card manufacturers which boosts sales of flowers, gifts, chocolates and meals out which are all massively overpriced at this time.

Annie, what a lovely memory, that was such a beautiful thing for your daughter to do, especially at such a young age. It really is something to make Mothering Sunday a special day for you. Xxx