Newbie in need of advice

Also, I'll bet dh thinks that if you people give her an ultimatum, she'll stay home because she can't afford to move out. But who is to say she wouldn't crash in friends' homes, etc? Does dh want to take the risk of having her and gd sofa-surf? You MIGHT mention that to him one time and let him think about that. But mostly, I would just refuse to let continue to be an argument. Let him know you're not on board with threatening her or throwing her and gd out and that's that.

I would just let dh know that you're not about to kick your dd out because she socializes on the weekend when her child isn't there. Then if he brings it up again, just remind him of what you already said and change the subject. This doesn't have to cause any more friction between you than that - not that it should be causing friction at all.

Quite frankly , your DD does not have a 'lifestyle' she is just doing what millions of other divorced, single separated and married women do all over the world.

I truly don't see the problem. She is there for her child's return so you are not put out in any way. Isn't she a little too old to stay at home with Daddy JUST because he wants her too.

I suspect she doesn't need to swap one controlling male for another .

Your husband needs to take a closer look at his adult daughter and even though she is temporarily living with you - let her live her own life.

Your daughter has had a tough time and weathered the storm well. It's good that she now feels that she can start to socialise again, she needs to be with friends of her own age.
DH seems to want to turn her into an "old maid".
We all want our children to become independent, safe and happy.
Has DH discussed his objections with her or does he just argue with you about it?

It's understandable your husband feels protective, especially after all that has happened to your DD.
His solutions for her are not what she wants, though. She needs to make her own decisions.

Thank you all for your replies. Yes Violet I did mean every other weekend. She goes on dates, and sometimes meets a close friend. Apart from once several months ago she always arrives home before her daughter.
She's had a really rough time, her ex assaulted her. The reason she left, and went on to harass her for several months after the relationship ended. This only stopped when she involved the police.
The first few months with us she hardly went out. She has a job she loves and works full time, I look after my GD. Have done this since she was 6mths old. She is saving with a view to living independently with her daughter. Again her ex makes this difficult. He is several years older than my daughter, is self employed and financially secure leading a comfortable lifestyle. He paid no child maintenance for the first six months until my daughter involved the CMS. With help from his accountant he pays very little. My husband does worry for her safety, he also doesn't understand her wanting to live independently. He would prefer she stay with us indefinitely.
He has a sister with two children who divorced 30yrs ago. She still lives with her mother, and he feels our daughter should do the same.
I think maybe I'll show him your replies, he doesn't listen to me but seeing other people's view may help?

I have some sympathy for your husband (not with my judgy pants on) but because I worry about my grown up children when they are at home but manage to put it out of my mind when they are away. Hopefully things will settle down & you will be able to reach a compromise.
I do hope the thought of me in my judgy pants hasn't upset anyone having a late breakfast

But there is nothing in the original post to say she is going out partying or even spending any money or drinking or doing anything out of the way Maybe she has a boyfriend (her relationship broke down 18 months ago) and she just spends some quality time in his home or maybe a girlfriend and they just sit and drink coffee watch tv but is with a person her own age
If I read the acronym right (hate the things) it’s every other weekend and only sometimes two nights so she’s hardly dancing the night away all weekend every weekend or wasting loads of money she gets home before the child’s due back so she sounds as if she is being very disciplined and adult and trying to balance her life to its best for everyone
If I ve read it all wrong and she’s out drinking drugging partying or neglecting your grandchild every weekend then of course it is your business

I misread the eow! Thought it was every weekend. I assume though that apart from this she is at home
Every .
Single.
Night.
I would go crazy, much as I loved my DPs

Is EOW every other weekend?
So not every weekend?

Say 2 weekends out of a month?

He needs to realise she's not 12.

I agree with other posters to an extent. Your husband is obviously concerned for his daughter and I think she needs to understand this. Yes she is an adult and entitled to her freedom but a little consideration and compromise would not go amiss. Hopefully this will be a temporary thing whilst she finds her feet again but if she is in financial difficulties then perhaps going out every weekend should be curtailed.

Perhaps your daughter needs a break away from home when her own daughter is with her dad. I agree she's old enough to live her own life - if she was independently financial to have her own place he probably wouldn't know about her weekends away or she may not need them. We're all entitled to our own space now and again so hopefully he will eventually come round to seeing that too.

Is your daughter spending her own money when she goes out? Or do you consider that to be her business?

Does your DH think that she should be at home saving her money so that she can eventually move out? I guess he thinks that it’s his house and his rules.
I think he needs to calm down or it will end badly and he will lose his DD and his GD.

She must be allowed the freedom to come and go, see friends, shop etc.
If you suspect she is drinking too much etc then you could have a word as she is living with you, but I see no reason to worry otherwise.

You'd think he'd be glad that you have the house to yourselves for the weekends when GD is with her dad. Tell him your DD is being thoughtful getting out of your way when she can.

Goodness me just because he’s giving her a temporary roof he can’t dictate her lifestyle if the little one is with her Dad each weekend what on earth does your husband expect, that she will sit with her knitting Afraid your husband is well out of order she’s sounds a good mum the child’s father sound a decent chap and she needs her own adult space Your husband ( is he her father?) needs to back off and leave her to get on getting on

I wonder what you husband wants her to do on the weekends she is free, sit and watch TV all evening ? She is a good mother, but needs a life as she is so young.

Perhaps because she has moved back home, your husband is seeing her as if she is the teenage girl she used to be when she lived at home before.
I also agree with you, she is a grown woman (and it might be nice for you and him to have some time on your own) but maybe you could try to help him see that she is grown up now.

I agree with you, your DD is an adult who can decide for herself what to do in her free time.
I'd be concerned if she was arriving home the worse for wear, though, or if she was failing to turn up in time for her daughter's return.