Anxious about anxiety

Anxieties often seem less when we share them. Sadly we who suffer from trauma anxiety often feel we can't share because warped thinking makes us think we shouldn't or that people wouldn't understand or that we would simply be unloading on people who are too busy to be bothered with our problems.

Dear Palliser - your letter brought back memories and I am so sorry that you have never got over the problems of your childhood. You have raised a great family and it is lovely that you all get on so well. Your children do not have your memories. They might well have some problems of their own to cope with and your experiences could help them. If you need someone to talk to you could try your GP or even try a hypnotherapist - they are often experienced in helping people cope with anxieties. Your children might well find it stressful trying to give their families the "perfect" childhood that you strived to provide. Let them know that you are there for them to give support and love. Christmas wishes

I am so glad you said that Lizhand. I had CB therapy when my son died and as our gd suffers from anxiety she went to CAMHS. Both of us found our therapy a lot of help.

Thank you for your post which really resonated with me. I had a very difficult childhood and have suffered from a galaxy of problems in my life all with underlying high anxiety levels as the root cause. I have had a lot of counselling. Both my children have been to university, have good careers and are wonderful, but they are 'worriers' and I frequently feel guilty that I have in some way caused them to be like this. I dont have any answers. What is done is done. But I do truely believe that both my children know how much they are loved and that was something I didnt have in my life as a child. It sounds as if this is true for you too. Worrying isnt all bad, sometimes its useful and motivating, its just when it gets out of control its not good. So far neither son or daughter have out of control anxiety and I do everything I can to keep close to them and demonstrate how much I love them which is all I can do now. We are very open about my anxiety and turn it into a bit of a joke so nothing is lurking under the surface. Luckily we are living in a different era now where people are much more able to bring issues into the open and address them.

If it isn't just normal anxiety, but something more for some of your children, they know where it comes from and why, as you have obviously a good relationship with them and they know about your traumatic childhood. So they will know where to start, if they feel they need professional help.

In other words, don't worry about it.

I can highly recommend Cognitive Behavioural theraphy and/or great books on catastrophising...whatever the root cause...and have been able to support and steer DD, now extremely confident at uni, by embacing coping strategies.

Well done to you I say. Despite your own traumatic upbringing you have forged a life that seems to have had so much to celebrate. A certain level of anxiety is healthy in today’s world so well done in instilling it in your children.
And for recognising and seeking help for your own anxieties.Good luck with that and Merry and healthy Xmas.

Yes palliser it is hard but I think we are doing very well!
Happy Christmas.

Thank you so much everyone. Of course I never thought some anxiety is natural!!! You see how talking about something just helps and gives perspective. Of course my children talk to me about issues. KatyK it is hard isn't it but I do try and be grateful for the rest of my life which i think you do too. Thank you very much for your understanding. Have a lovely Christmas everyone.

There's a lot of public catastrophising—just think about all the scare stories about that big EU thing that's exercising the government at the moment ?

And that's only one catastrophy generator out of many.

Mine too vq As I said above most people suffer anxiety of some description. Hopefully palliser's children are just normally anxious if that makes sense.

Are you sure they suffer from extreme anxiety or normal anxiety? My anxiety gives me warped thinking and I often see things as far worse than they are.

Can you speak to your GP about this? I don't think you can do much about your children but don't worry too much about them, it may be that it is just when talking to you that they feel this way because it is the way they were brought up. They may be fine in their own environment.

Oh palliser this could be me. I too had a violent alcoholic father and we were neglected as children (7 of us). It has had a drastic effect on me. I feel as though I have been fearful every day of my life and now at aged 68 and I still am. I only had one child and I was never ambitious for her. I just wanted her to be like the other children - clean, well cared for and to have the best we could give her. Thankfully she is not a bit like me. She is far more confident (like my DH). I constantly catastrophise too. Since I married in the '60s I have had a nice life but somehow it has stayed with me. The 'what if' thing is always there. I try hard to just get on with life, though some days this is hard. I have no advice other than it's not your fault and you have done a wonderful job by the sounds of it. Believe me you are not alone. Some anxiety is natural. I know my granddaughter is anxious about starting university but she is bound to be. It's when it gets out of hand that the problems occur.