Bullying husband

I think unless Cybergran comes back we can’t judge as if it’s only started recently it could be illness, depression, Alzheimer’s If hes always behaved like this then why are you still with him ? If you ve always been the underdog in the relationship you re not going to change him now so all you can then do is change yourself either stand up to him or get out of the relationship however hard it may be
There is so little to go on in the original post and as Cybernan hasn’t posted again since October 17 th I m not sure where this thread will go

What is wrong with him telling the vicar? Surely he will get some good advice if he does. What does he think telling the vicar will achieve? I think you should tell him to go ahead.

Is it the church your husband dislikes, or the fact that something is taking you away from home?

Either way, discuss the problem with your vicar; he's heard the like before and will probably be able to give you advice.

I do think this is a bigger issue than what you do at the church. Regarding that, tell the vicar yourself ...that removes that bit of "power"! But you do not have to tolerate this! Finding the strength is hard, you need help and the vicar seems like the first port of call

Refuse to talk to him when he "rants and raves." Don't even begin to argue/defend yourself. If he threatens to call the vicar, call his bluff, tell him, "Go right ahead" and see what he does (I bet he won't).

Seeing that he can't get to you with his bullying behavior may cause a change in his tactics if not his attitude. Otherwise, please start thinking about leaving. Maybe you should, anyway. Life is too short, etc.

As others have said....has he always been like this or is it relatively new?

Does he go to church because he truly believes or is it part of his 'cover'? Is he a lovely man in front of the world but a nasty piece of work in private?

Lots of good advice and wise comments on here Cybernan I suffered similar in the past and though I obviously don't know your full story, it sounds like “controlling, coercive behaviour" which is now considered to be a form of domestic abuse. Whatever you decide to do I hope you can begin to feel better about your life.

It sounds like this is an on going problem cybernan I don't think this the way to live your life. Talk to your vicar as others have said and take a long hard look at your life, are you happy more than not, what other areas does your husband control. Life is too short for this unhappiness.

I agree on the face of it this sounds like bullying. Has he recently retired? Perhaps he resents anything that takes you away from him? I think you should approach the vicar and ask for his help as your husband attends church with you and may accept advice from the vicar which he may not from someone else.

Does he feel unable to help with the things you do - perhaps there may be other ways he could help out at the church, using the computer and phone calls may not be his thing but maybe more physical things like cutting grass etc. may be more in his line. I sincerely hope you manage to find a solution to this.

On another thread you say he reduced you to tears in the supermarket and a stranger had to console you - I think you need to stand up for yourself and not tolerate this treatment.

Has he always been so controlling?

Is it just helping at church he resents? Do you do other things that take you out of the house on your own? Does he object to them? Or do you limit what you do because he objects to you doing anything that takes you out of his sight and control?

Like other posters, I think he sounds bullying and controlling and behaviour like that is not considered acceptable now.

It is a source of some concern if this is new behaviour as it could indicate that he is unwell. I would be tempted to speak to his GP. I do not think it can be ignored.

If this is a pattern of behaviour that goes back years, then I can only say that this is not acceptable and you should not think that you have to tolerate this. You only have one life.

Has your husband always tried to control you in this bullying way? How do you respond when he rants and raves at you.

If this is new behaviour he needs to see his doctor. If its well established pattern of bullying, ranting and raving, I suppose you need to as yourself how much longer you're prepared to put up with it.

Do you have any women friends or relatives you can talk this through with. Do you have a friendship with your vicar, they can often be good listeners and a good source of support and advice. Only you can begin to change your life, best of luck.

Cybernan12. You're husband sounds like Bully. A controlling man will do anything to stay in charge ie: criticising and undermining you, finding fault with how you run the house, checking how much time you are on the phone or with friends - the list is endless.
Try and value yourself more and tell yourself that you should not be treated like this.
If you find you can approach him, tell the vicar what is going on, see if he could speak to your husband and help to organise counselling to help you take back some control.
If you need an excuse to attend counseling at first, go to your Doctor and tell him also what is happening, you need help here. Then tell your husband that you've been referred to counseling for anxiety.
You've made the first move by sharing on here. Do not put up with it.

Maybe you should tell the vicar just what your husband thinks? Seriously though, do you love your husband? Do you think he loves you? If he does, what is his problem with the amount of time you spend, doing something you choose?
Horrible for you to be under such pressure.