Support for Grans cut-out of AC&GC lives

Celeb you have got to start thinking of yourself and your own health. You've given so much please don't risk your recovery.
Smileless' previous posts helped me a lot Violet, she is obviously and understandably very upset by the situation. But she can not change that. So she excepted the situation as it is and endeavoured to continue in her own happiness. Now I'm reading Celeb do the same even when battling depression.
They've both taught me I can not change who my MIL is. I can not make her a kind, thoughtful person. we can however stop how we allow her to affect us.
I exhausted myself trying and hosting her and just kept going and it was destroying my MH and my marriage. It is time to accept the things I can not change and just be joyful for the things I have.

Exactly bibbity please do as Smilelss myself and others are trying focus on who you do have,

I am v lucky to have thoughtful son and partner, wonderful husband and v close to myntwin who lets me share his gorgeous grandkids, I have to accept my daughter no longer wants me or I would sink lower into depression.

Thanks bibbity I am making huge effort.
Walked to shops second time without stick now to get packing!

Don't beat yourself up bibbity it sounds like neither of you are to blame we can't alter other people just how we let it affect us! X

Celebgran very true, it can be hard but we deal with the hand we are given. I think sometimes the close bond makes it harder not easier. I think that was why I could cope with my MIL being awful but my husband couldn't, it affected him in a way that it didn't affect me. I don't mean I liked her being nasty to me but it would hurt the way it would have if it had been my mum.

Have a good Christmas.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas xx

No 2 cases the same 123flump I can understand what u mean, but my s i law was vile to us going to police, when I delivered present for xxxxx first birthday I had posted card and resent but had bought her a walker could t post.
However my daughter let him do it?
The solicitor (u are given one)said she didn't think my daughter could be well that morning in police station treated like a criminal will be forever etched on my brain having fingerprints taken not allowed use normal toilet it was horrendous. Of course I was released without charge but was worried when had crb check to work in a school if would affect it,
It's wonder I haven't gone stark Staring mad all we been through.
Also it was s i law who jumped up and down absolutely refusing to let dh see grandkids when our daughter asked if he could, next time dh visited curtains were drawn and key locked in door.
That happened several times will not put myself through it again as bibbity says have to accept whatw e can't change,
However our mp did sort the police thing for us.
I finally had enough of being treated like a criminal.
Never in my life had I been inside police station.
???
Best not to dwell on it some things are too awful to remember.

4 years I worked I rubbish retail job to suport estranged daughter at uni but I wasn't enough obviously.

Oh Celeb such a terrible account of events, I feel so sorry that happened to you. I know you are rebuilding your life without your daughter but the pain never goes. I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your son and his partner. And a happy Christmas to everyone on here.

Son’s 40th birthday cake as promised. It’s not as good as the one I made my Mum but it was more difficult to decorate as it was a Madeira cake, but anyway it tasted good.

Celeb, the police was called on you for delivering a present? Did I read that right?
The bit about your son in law is very telling, I'm so sorry.
Ours DDs haven't got so much as a card from her for 5 years. Not even worth the cost of a stamp.

Bibbity and flump you have both summed it up perfectly. I feel angry for her now, I've been the one who has watched his face drop at the texts or emails she's sent, the tears, the after effects from counselling, and then she has the bare faced cheek to blame me. I've been left to pick up the pieces from the mess she created.

We have very much moved on but it's still there and I think it always will be. We are very happy, have a good life, friends and family. I'm very grateful for all we have but there's still that, part of me that wishes things were different.
I can't imagine what it's like for him.

If you insist on keeping this going Celebgran get it right;
^Isn't that called two faced? this is a question!
You need to change your name to champion of the d.i.l's who cut out their m.i.ls Have you zero thoughts for these poor grandmothers in the same situation as us!!

Lovely cake Maddy

And the sick bucket was aimed at Violet's [her insincere compliments to you]

Yogagirl that is nasty, Celebgran is seeing that there can be faults on either side or both sides. You just can't accept that sometimes it is the mother/mils fault. Everyone else seems to be able to see that, so it can be mother/mil at fault it can be son or daughter or it can sil/dil or sometimes it can be a whole big mess with everyone sharing part of the blame.

Celebgran of course you are right and all cases will be different and it is silly to pretend it is always one side that is at fault. In fact I think understanding that can be the first step back, if my MIL had ever been able to accept that she did get things wrong my husband would have forgiven her an awful lot, although you mother calling you a black bastard is pretty unforgivable.

maddyone forgot to say that cake looks lovely. Hope you have a lovely celebration.

I've been here a few years now and can admit that because of reading posts by Smileless and Celeb I have changed my views on a lot of things. I've become calmer and accepted a lot more.
I now push a lot more for a closer relationship with my BILs family and thanks to BILs wife the kids have some small relationship (a lot more than if it were left to the brothers!)
Celeb has been through so much. And even through that she has sent you lovely messages Yoga. Yet you continue to spew suck toxicity and spite at her! What the hell happened? What is wrong with you?
Can you not see the sympathy and unity that posters are sharing. Not focusing on which 'side' anyone is on just seeing that we have all been hurt by those who should love us. Yet here you are. Ruining it. Maybe once again giving us all an insight into what your your two children had to live with.

Also my MIL is nothing like Celeb. You however remind me a lot of her.

Damn, that was going to be my new username

Celeb, you could always have iseethingsfromanoterpersonsperspevtive and Yoga, you could have allinlawsareevilandiamperfect or aslongasyouagreewithmewecanbefriends it's completely your choice though mate.

yogagirl, I have sparred with celebgran on numerous occasions, accusing her of being incapable of moving on. She has now managed to accept that 'moving on' and accepting that life is to short to let bitterness and unhappines eat one up is the way to go, and all credit to her. She is in a much better place than she was a year or two ago. Why can't you see that and do the same? And before you leap to accuse me of not knowing anything about being CO'd I've been CO'd for 6 years.... my choice I might add because I wasn't willing to accept anymore critism from D and her reptilian partner... so it was bye-bye from me. I wasn't willing to be worn down by it... and I am a happier(and healthier) person for it. So maybe you should 'think on' as we say up North and make some New Year resolutions, and keep them.

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Mmmm... celeb, that cake looks delicious! Lucky ds!

Celeb & Violet, Iv seen on mn where some dils say they called the police on their eps/epils - or their dh did - when they showed up at their door with gifts or whatever. And Iv seen a couple of posters there advising members to do that "if it happens again." They either call it "harassment," as your esil & ed did, celeb, or "trespassing."

I can't imagine ever calling the police on my parents, no matter how angry I was at them or for what! I can't imagine having done that to my pils either! But I guess this is something some young ac/cil are doing. Maybe they even learn it from reading about it online. That doesn't make it "right," and I doubt it makes the memory of it any less painful, celeb. But I just thought you would like to know you and dh weren't alone in that, anymore than you are alone in being co.

Thanks willmadnan and all other ladies for kind support
Yes thank god I am in lot better place than I was,

I think am finally seeing yogagirl true colours
Her comments don't really warrant a reply how sad as someone said she is incapable of taking off her blinkers.

The bitterness she carries has eaten her up.

To think I felt worried and sympathy for her all these years and now this is my reward total nastiness because I dare to see things from someone else's point of view,
I can only feel for her as is doesn't seem typical.
However the nasty posts aren't acceptable for me.

Oh dear, that should say "maddy that cake looks delicious!" - not "celeb" (though I'm sure you can bake some good cakes, too, celebgran). Sorry!

Thanks star lady yes I do realise that I have a friend who like me had to get mp involved to sort it finally it was even worse for her if that's possible but won't say anymore as is confidential.

Like you I could never do that to my parents or even imagine doing it, when their crime was to deliver a birthday present even worse we were interviews for sending her a birthday card she wanted us prosecuted! The cps understandably threw it out but still hurts.
I was very slow to move on as still carried on sending birthday cards after that up until now, it's damn hard I gave birth to her and will always remember that as happy day.

However as willsmadnan said sooner or later you have to try move on and accept what is or it will destroy you.

Have joy of watching my twins grandkids grow from birth has helped a lot too.
I finally reached point of focussing on those that do love and want us.

My daughter runs spare a thought campaign for disadvantaged people from her work yet never spares a thought for her parents.
That's up to her we can do no more except make most of the very good life we have.

I hope yogagirl your nasty posts to me have filled you will Xmas spirit, no wonder you don't sleep well,

To everyOne else have good time relax and be happy ????

Yes maddyone cake looks fabulous!
Starlady have all ingredients for making Dundee cake on return from our sons will post pic if goes well?.

Dh just cooked me steak despite recovering from his dental work yesterday bless him
We all packed now chill in front tv and pray ladies traffic not too bad for 185mile trip tomorrow
Like smileless can't wait for first hug!

Wow maddyone did you do that cake yourself?
It's so professional.

Thanks for good wishes how rude of me, yes sorry bring all that up at Xmas time ref police, we have been through it, but time heals a little and as said to you before try and bite your tongue do anything not to get to sad stage we did.
Have great time maddyone xx

Meant to say earlier that I don't think anyone should be questioning here if LeoKitty is really Yoga's nd or not. That's very much like calling Leo a "troll," which we're asked not to do in the Talk Guidelines: www.gransnet.com/info/netiquette

Besides, Leo has been here before, and I think it's obvious from her earlier posts that though she's close to the situation, she is a separate person from Yoga. I say this because even though Yoga often emphasizes how close she and ed used to be, Leo told us about earlier problems in her (Yoga's) and ed's relationships. 2 different views - 2 different people. At least, that's my opinion.

Celeb, I'm so glad to see you're in a better place now. I don't think Yoga's there yet, if that makes any sense. NOT saying that excuses her attacking you because, of course, it doesn't. And yes, it does make one question what to believe about her history with ed and es. I'm sure they're not perfect. But if she calls names and voices negative opinions about people as if they are facts, then that may not have helped her situation.

One good thing about that though - it means maybe she has some things she can apologize for. If I were Yoga, I would think about that, and if I thought I did, I would send apology emails right away to both ed and es, saying I'm sorry for hurtful words or actions or whatever. Maybe it would net her a response or two. Maybe not. But it would be worth a try, imo. But I'm not Yoga, so that's up to her.