Could You Really Be This Bitter - Inheritance.

Lots of very bitter posts about a situation we are not fully informed. You cannot generalise. I do think there can be awful mother but equally awful children, however I do not see inheritance as anyone's right.

My mother and I have never had an easy relationship, I write to her regularly, send gifts on birthdays and Christmas and get the occasional letter back. However, I don't expect to receive anything from her when she dies, I fully expect her to leave everything to my brother and his children. Her choice and not one I would challenge, nor will it affect the good relationship I have with my brother and his family.

Does anyone else see the irony......talking about love and compassion and holding grudges...with the way some people are commenting on here.....We are all entitled to an opinion, that doesn't make it right or wrong. Some of you argue your points so strongly I am surprised you get on with anyone. It's a discussion about someone you will never meet so why be so insulting and aggressive to each other?

I think she left a dreadful message of hate instead of unconditional love. "A mother should always be one."

I disagree very much with the descriptor "Sounds like the deceased was a bitter old hag." And I don't see her as one "who is utterly selfish and will not tolerate anyone who disagrees with her or thwarts her in any way, least of all a member of her family." Not supported by the article.

All too harsh, to me. I'm sure nobody normal is wanting their parents to pass in order to inherit. Inheritance doesn't matter in the grand scheme.

God, there are some nasty, judgemental comments on here. Seeing as none of you, I presume, know the facts of the case, how on earth can you know who was at fault? It's quite a talent, that.

Well stillalive I'd be very loathe to judge anyone as being "a bitter old hag" for fear that anyone reading that might judge me as being harsh and condemning, without knowing the full facts.

So yes, a bitter old hag that chose to hurt her daughter even after death.

A child is on loan to you, so, yes I do understand karma. A child is not your property and your only job is to love a nurture that child, whatever decisions they make. Don't you even wonder why the daughter would want to up and leave at 17? I personally think that the mother wasn't a good one or it would never have come to this.

"bitter old hag" - ever heard of Karma?

That's a pretty condemning post there stillalive, unless you knew the old lady personally? How can you possibly say that a "mother should always be the one" (to reconcile?), when it's already been reported that both parties had attempted reconciliation, but that had failed. But to call someone, anyone, a bitter old hag, is a dreadful way to refer to anyone.

As for these "charities" they are now run like businesses and pretty shameful in the way they go about things too.

A mother should always be one. Sounds like the deceased was a bitter old hag.

I read both had made unsuccessful attempts at reconciliation. As has been said several times, by different people on this thread - none of us know exactly what happened. Who are we to make judgements about either of these women? I imagine both of them suffered considerable heart ache and would have preferred none of this to have happened.

or to her grandchildren even if she by-passed her daughter.

I wonder if anyone went to her funeral.

Yes, I understood that too.

She would never forgive and presumably died a lonely old woman.
I agree, she could have left at least some of her money to a children's charity if she had been a kinder person.

Why? I understood the daughter had sought a reconciliation with her mother, but been rebuffed.

"utterly selfish and will not tolerate anyone who thwarts her in any way, least of all a member of her family" could equally apply to the daughter.

When you read why this lady cut her daughter off and how she never changed her mind despite her daughter's successful marriage and her grandchildren, rather suggests the kind of woman, and I am sure most of us have met at least one, who is utterly selfish and will not tolerate anyone who disagrees with her or thwarts her in any way, least of all a member of her family.

These women feed on their hate and that she left nothing to her daughter and family and left the money to animal charities rather any charity that helped humans is utterly unsurprising.

What has unconditional love got to do with it? Despite the terrible things our ES has said and done during our estrangement we still love him and always will because he's our son; that's unconditional love.

If he were to contact us at some point in the future, because of all that we've suffered we honestly don't know how we'd feel; if we'd want to try and have a relationship with him. Not because we want to give a message of hate but because the pain of the estrangement, the way he's behaved nearly destroyed us.

I don't know how we've got through the last 4.5 years but I do know that we couldn't do it again; if there was to be a reconciliation and he decided to cut us out again. It happens, I know parents it's happened too. You never contemplate in your worst nightmare that your own child will want nothing to do with you, will cut you out and if they can do it once, whose to say they wouldn't do it again.

I have no interest in leaving anything to my children or grandchildren. I'd much rather dispose of our assets now and leave only enough for our care and very small bequests, with charity receiving the remains after we're gone.

However, I think she left a dreadful message of hate instead of unconditional love.

I think her will should have been followed, she knew what she wanted and the court went against her wishes quite unfairly.

Since I'm not estranged, it's hard for me to say what I would do. But I'm sure I would at least have left something to the grands, maybe not to come out until they're a certain age. Why should they suffer? Why should the tensions of the older generations fall on them? That's what would be uppermost in my mind - I think - particularly if their family was living on benefits, etc.

I might even leave some money to an eac for this reason, if no other, if I thought it would be used to enhance the kids' lives. But Idk. Might depend on how the co came about and why there was no reconciliation.

We can't know if the daughter deserved all, some or none of the legacy.
Wills reflect the wishes of the person who dies,so I think in this case, the daughter was lucky to get some money.

I'm in the unique position of being in the middle of a bitter mother and and estranged daughter (because of what she's been told by my mother). The upside of this is twofold. 1. I've left them both to their own lives and gone off to make my own life. 2. I can see things from both sides.

So yes, I can agree with all those parents who have been treated badly by their AC resulting in them being disinherited. I can fully understand all the hurt, betrayal and pain that made you take that decision. And I agree, they deserve nothing if you've been driven into taking this action.

On the other side of the coin, I think it's just money, we won't be needing it where we're going, and I wouldn't be able to look down from the clouds seeing my daughter in dire straits and hurting because she thinks I never forgave her for the rift. I'd want her to know that I loved her more than I was angry and that I'd left her enough to see out her own life.

It's just how I see things but I appreciate the views of others may differ and that's OK.

But we don't know whose fault the failure to reconcile was. Maybe there was even fault on both sides. As pps have said, e don't have enough information to make informed judgments.

No matter whose fault it was, however, I agree, if estrangement has gone on for a long time, one shouldn't expect an inheritance. It might be there but it might not.

I agree Smileless and also, I don't understand why someone who was estranged for so long feels entitled to an inheritance. Makes no sense to me. Either the relationship is salvageable or it isn't. If it isn't, don't expect a cash windfall.