Could You Really Be This Bitter - Inheritance.

When my late DH & I made our Wills he was advised to leave a letter with his Will to explain why he wasn't leaving anything to his DD & DS. This was not due to estrangement but due to the fact that their DM (his Ex-Wife) was in a better position to "take care" of them, she had inherited from her DF & her DH had no close relatives. My DD will inherit everything in my Will & my DGC.

I'm not expecting to be told when my mum dies. She hasn't spoken to me in a long time and I imagine no other family members will tell me. Neither do I expect to be left anything which is fine because money can't replace the motherly love I never had.

What I am supremely grateful for is my adoring husband, dog and cat. I have good friends too, a business I really enjoy and I'm sane.
There's a lot to be said for peace and knowing you tried.

I too had a bad relationship with my mother and she disapproved of my choice of husband. My father had died long before and she was jealous of our close relationship.

I expected to receive nothing in her will, but she still left me an equal share with my sisters. I think this was because she knew she had treated me unfairly all her life.

It appears that the mother in this case didn't have that view.

Another case of a will challenged in the courts springs to mind. An old lady left all her wealth to the owners of a Chinese restaurant who visited her regularly and kept an eye on her. A group of 5 relatives who rarely saw or kept in touch with her challenged the will. They lost.

I know I was extremely lucky to inherit anything. This will sound awful I did not expect it but felt I was entitled to it as "compensation" for all the abuse and nastiness I suffered for over 50 years.

However I feel that people should not be forced by law to leave money to their children even if the children are destitute.

If someone is an only child and decides to waste all their earnings on gambling or drugs and is destitute, why should they be entitled to inherit from a parent to whom they have probably caused a great deal of sorrow?

We may think that we can make a will and it will be followed to the letter but if a child (all be it adult) is left out if a will they are entitled to pursue for a share. Or a partner. My children found this out when my exDH died. He had never changed his will after we divorced but had jad a partner for some years. This person told me personally after his death that they had each decided
to leave their own money to their own children and nothing to each other. But despite this and the fact they had already parted when he died she contested the will and in the end got a sizeable sum. Their barrister's advice is to leave a small sum to someone if you are estranged because they then cannot contest the will.

What I find more sad than anything is that the daughter had 5 children. These would have been her mother's only grandchildren and she obviously had no relationship with them. Also the daughter is still with the man she eloped with and married. This must say something about their liove for each other. Why oh why did the mother carry this silly rift to her grave. She was the one who missed out.

Norah, that's my view too. Very hurtful for the rejected child.

Tokyojo3, says everything about the person doesn't it?

My mother left me out of her will and I am an only child. She despised me as a child and I had a dreadful childhood so I wasn't surprised at her final act. Anything left was to my two beautiful and much loved daughters who shared it with me . I think that says it all really!!

When my late MIL cut my DH out of her Will, it was not about the money from his point of view, but the sentiment behind it. They didn't speak for year, but she soon came around when she needed our help due to her deteriorating health.

Yes, MIL was a bitter old woman who thought she could buy or use her wealth against people but in the end she learned a hard lesson. She did reinstate him as a legatee, but left behind a sour taste and bad memory of her.

I believe that when a Will is made, it should stand after death, otherwise it is meaningless and not worth the paper it's written on whether it's fair or not.

True enough, M0nica. I remember that case now and it just goes to show there will always be special cases. It's a tangled web and no mistake!

Lillie "A legacy is a gift, and there you are right Maggiemaybe, but by being cut out of a will an offspring may feel this is the final desertion or dismissal of his or her existence."

"I guess many lawyers love the fight and the remuneration too."

Whole boxed set, that^

I disagree. There was a case some years back where the son of a farmer worked most of his life (decades) on his father's farm for a pittance because his father told him that the farm would be his on his death. There were no other children so the son accepted this. When his father's will was read he had left everything he had to an unknown child of an extra marital liaison.

The son went to court and, if I remember correctly, won his case, on the grounds that he had led a restricted life with his parents and it was his work that had made the farm the valuable asset it was on his father's death.

There will always be cases, where someone has a right to expect proper provision in a will and can dispute any lack of provision.

Bear in mind that, if all the beneficiaries agree, a will can be changed after the death of the person who made the will, quite legally, by a Deed of Variation. DF left all his estate to be shared between my sister and myself. We made a Deed of Variation to include his DGC among the legatees.

Maybe the law should be changed, so that no one can contest a will that is made by a person who is, at the time, sound in mind and body. A person's last wishes should be respected, irrespective of what anyone else believes or claims.

A legacy is a gift, and there you are right Maggiemaybe, but by being cut out of a will an offspring may feel this is the final desertion or dismissal of his or her existence. The disappointment felt can run very deep for all sorts of reasons, the only way to deal with it is to accept it and get on with life. You can't blame anyone for trying, I was lucky our lawyers were sensible enough to advise me not to pursue the case, but I guess many lawyers love the fight and the remuneration too.

So what makes you think we would want a law that tells us how we have to dispose of our own estate, MargaretX?

A legacy is a gift, and should be seen as a bonus, not a right. Unless dependents have to be provided for, or coercion or unsound mind comes into it, a person's last wishes should be respected. Why should the state be allowed to peer into people's souls?

It's not always down to estrangement or bitterness either. Some very wealthy people, such as the Gateses, have chosen not to leave their wealth to their children for very different reasons. Good on them.

They were greedy Smileless. It cost them everything in legal fees.

Well I'm glad that I don't live in Germany or Scotland. I want the right to leave my estate to whom ever I choose.

Thanks for the link nina, perhaps this judgement will make entitled AC think twice before they drag someone through the courts to satisfy their own greed.

Scottish Law regarding the distribution of estates is different from that in England and Wales, MargaretX. I think children are entitled to a third (divided between them) whatever the Will might say, but I may be mistaken.

I'm sure some Scottish grans will be along soon to enlighten us!

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4324070/Brothers-lose-inheritance-battle-stepmother.html

Well there you have it. Your own UK laws, and you want more of them. In Germany children have a right to 25% of the whole estate and this is then divided amomg the siblings.

Of course you can leave them more but the their share of the 25% is theirs whatever will you have written- or no will.

Phoenix was the letter at all illuminating? I think as you tried to put things right on many occasions you should feel you did your best and try and feel at peace with the situation.

As some of you may know, my estranged mother died recently, and has left me nothing (except a letter).

I have no idea why she suddenly stopped speaking to me, and tried many times to speak to her, but to no avail.

Juney64, if she was on benefits, she would get legal aid for a civil matter case.

I wonder how much the daughter will have left after she pays her legal fees.

Of course it's about bitterness, rejection AND greed ie. the money, all mixed in.

I contested my late DF's will after he left me only a tiny token of his £1.7 million and the rest to charity. (He had split from my DM just after I was born, so the argument wasn't with me - other than that I was a girl, and he felt he couldn't cope mentally with a child). He never had other children.

Even though I used Mishcon Solicitors, (the firm used by Princess Diana), and had a very good case, they finally advised me there was nothing that could be done by taking it further. A "will" is exactly that - what the person writing it "wants" to happen to their money.

It surprises me that the courts ruled against the mother's will at all. It surprises me even more that whether they are likely to do this or not depends on the financial status of the adult child. This seems inherently wrong legally, since the daughter is not a dependent. The law in England and Wales gives a person the right to leave their estate to whoever they please. I sincerely hope that further court decisions do not follow this.