Continued support and fun aspects too of rebuilding lives after estrangement can't believe 4 years and we still here to offer help, friendship and support.

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Well it's today!, my darling little Laila's birthday, 7yrs today! I'd liked to say 'hip, hip, hooray' but of course I can't. Couldn't sleep a wink last night, it hits so hard on their birthdays and the days leading up to it ;-(, we really need a crying icon on this page!
Just found this picture [below] on my dinosaur [my old pc], as I am trying to collate all the pics of them, I thought I didn't have many, but actually have lots Up until 4.5yrs ago . I am going to make up a nice photo album.

Lucklegs get that book I recommended above 'Leota's Garden 'by Francine Rivers, I think you will really enjoy it

Luckylegs yes I am on my own too, I have my dear little Westie, she's been with me for 13.5yrs, I don't know what I will do without her, it's going to hit me like a ton of breaks, she is showing signs of ageing, well she is 95yrs in human years! I must take her to the vets as she has a lump on her back, hope it's nothing to worry about I am usually on my own at the weekends too, but I work Sat & Sun till about 2pm and time I get home I'm quite tired, have my lunch, little nap and then out to the park with little Lilly, come back give her her dinner and then I have a cup of tea and come on here
I'm very lucky to have my ND & baby GD,I see lots of them every week. You would think this would help with the estrangement with my beloved D&GC but it doesn't, when I'm with them yes, but just 30mins after parting, the sorrow & pain return

Belated birthday wishes, Smileless!

Luckylegs brilliant advice.

We feel so lucky to be part of my nephew and his lovley wife's life.

I am so lucky to have dh and my dear son also.

He did a 10k ru. Today I. Bristol he used to be super fit so trying get back into it with an old army friend was so good he rang me after race it's things like that mea. So much when you estranged from other child.

It was so lovely when I said to xxxxxx can I have cuddle before I go she was four on Friday yes she said and I had big cuddle it means the world, she is growing up so fast.
She is quite likely to say no if she wants to bless her,

Yes yogagirl call the midwife,still finishing series! It makes.me sad all the family stuff.

However lucklegs you so right focus on ones that care not one that abandoned us when we needed them most.

My sister and I never been close she got in touch before family wedding last year not word since despite all my health problems

I told her about my twin coming stay and it resulted in very rude text dh says she jealous of our close bond but I a man afraid I lost it and told her she isn't very nice like her daughter who sent us anonymous letter.

Oh dear sometimes your u just can't turn the other cheek

I think that Yogagirl, like me you are on your own and it scares me that there is nothing to look forward to. Although I love my son, I do not have any quality time, just get odd hour now and then and phone calls and never get an invite and he and his family are too busy now to come over and I have given up asking them for meals or anything, it was pointless., know if they wanted to they would. To have your other half or a sibling or member of family gives you something to focus on and give your love to, most weekends I am on my own and I keep busy with the garden, and I wonder what will happen when I am too old to do that. I am a different person than when my life was busy with family and part of my daughter's life. I feel as if I am acting a part and at times it just becomes too much. I would say to anyone that has someone else, focus on them if you are involved in their life and not on the child that has abandoned you when you needed them most.

Thank you Celebgran So nice to hear you had a lovely time with Danika & baby.

Just been watching BGT, seeing that young lad singing a song he wrote for his Grandma, seeing the choir & all the mums & nans in the audience looking so proud & the back stage mums&dads, nans&granddads all cheering on their loved ones again looking so proud, that's how we should be with our D/S with our GC, makes me feel so sad at what we have missed and for what our GC have missed, all our love & devotion. When I watch 24/7 emergency & One born every minute, I watch for the family dynamics and it brings a tear to my eye to see all that family love, that we have all lost, that lost family connection

Thing of you for tomorrow yogagirl???

We just been Visit our darling little great niece and nephew it's xxxxxx4th birthday and we took her presents she is such a poppett was so pleased as I bight her my little pony play at, book and figures she loved it! Also two. Pretty dresses ? one last minute as they opened m and co in local coop so got two tops for me well you have to dont you and dh chose pretty dress for xxxxxxx

Her baby brother is crawling now! We had such lovely afternoon.
A lovely bonus they coming see us next Thursday,

Had great time at danc last night but back v painful.

Hope everyone having good day dh is cooking me steak can't be bad,

Tomorrow going see v good old friend life pretty good st moment,

I've copied & pasted again from the other page as I think Smileless is the only one from this group on there.

Yogagirl Sun 07-May-17 18:03:13
Pennie Think we all feel the same on here. I have just got back from the park, walking my little Westie and of course all the families, all the GPs with their GC . I am feeling especially sad today, as it is my darling little GD's birthday tomorrow, she will be 7yrs old, I last saw her when she was 2.5yrs. Instead of 4.5yrs of happiness & joy watching my beloved GD grow up & my GS, it's been 4.5yrs of sorrow & grieving It makes it worse knowing that even if we were to reunited tomorrow, the special bond I had with her is gone, forever
My ND & I worry so much about how she is being treated by her stepdad & his mother. On my GD 2nd birthday I went round in the morning, you would never have known it was a little ones birthday, no presents, no cards, no cake, no buntin! All of this I brought with me, I asked my D why and she said 'Oh, we are waiting till J get's home'. After work being about 6pm and nearly her bedtime !! and then she said we are celebrating weekend after next when it's J's[my GS] birthday and doing it all together but that would be 12 days after her birthday! They did have a big pirates birthday party as that was J's [my GS] favourite at the time, but nothing for my GD, as I remember. I just hope we are wrong, but we have suspicions that he may have changed her birth date, just like he changed her name, as last year around the time of his son's birthday, 12 days later, there were lot's of happy birthday messages to my GD on his FB page under a pic of her & him. So we have to wait for this year to see if it happens again! He [s.i.l] would do that, just so it's more convenient and also, so that my GD doesn't get all the fuss and celebrations before his Son! I love my GS just as much, it's not his doing at all of course, but his dads.
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Yogagirl Sun 07-May-17 18:09:27
But then I should add that all my GD's family have been 'cut out' everyone that loved and adored her and that she loved and adored back, so therefore just as s.i.l would have it, his son being the actual GC would naturally be made more of a fuss of than my GD being the stepchild/grandchild

Thank you Sparklygran and to you too.

I initially thought 'oh yes, I'll order that book' Smileless thanks for the recommendation, but then I thought maybe not, as I have read so many books, read so much online, that I feel I've read everything on the subject and more. It get's to the point when you just want a book for a bit of escapism. The book I'm reading at the moment 'Loeta's garden'[recommended by someone on here] is really very good, it is about a Grandmother reunited with her GD just before she is about to pass away at the end of her life, she's in her 80s and the GD moves in with her. Having said all that, I will no doubt get the book, so hope it is helpful.

Smileless ooo I will order that book from Amazon when I get back from church later. Anything that helps and gives insight in a rational, helpful way ....well done you helping to edit the book by Sharon Ann Wildey.

celebgran Smileless Rhinestone eddiecat Yogagirl I hope we all have a nice sunny week...

As my grandmother used to say" She laughs with tears in her heart."

Phew Smilelss you are competing with us ref social life??enjoymbbq and rest weekend I did pm you.

Rhinestone thanks I have not evenwritten letter but if I do will go in her drawer,

Looking forward to dance tonight ha ha mainly listening is life rock n roll chap good music,

Immanaged walk shops with Rosie that is achievement for me at moment! Also spot ironing and carried basket clothes downstairs quick rest now,

Ygagirl we have no email address for estranged daughter,
I am,glad you were too busy enjoying day to put that advert in.

Happy weekend to us all ??

Ps looking forward to seeing dxxxxxxtomrorow and taking her 4th birthday pressies,

Yes smileless marvelllous that we can still laugh!

Thanks dear friends for all your birthday wishes. The icing on the cake survived Luckylegs; just. Your post did make me laugh and isn't it great that despite what we are going through, we can make one another.

As well as my beautiful bouquet from Mr. S. I gotfrom DS and lovely d.i.l., some from one of my friends and the lady who works for us and an orchid from our 'girls' next door plus a bottle of. The living room looks and smells like a florists.

DS 'phoned but I missed the call so he left me a message. I now have half a dozen that I've kept and when I'm really missing him I play them all. It's just so good to hear his voice when I'm feeling down and hear him say 'mum'.

Yes Norah I do feel much better when I've been to the gym especially when I've stopped aching.

Glad you've got the taste for tea Rhinestone; there's definitely some British blood running through those veins of yours. Hope your foot is slowly getting better.

As you say Sparkly we're all different but letting go has certainly worked for us. We also believe that our ES wont be coming back and for us, that was when we began to heal but of course it's still a work in progress and I suppose it always will be.

Sharon Ann Wildey has brought out a new book now available on Amazon, it's called 'Abandoned Parents: Healing Beyond Understanding'. I go on the abandoned parents' web site which I joined after reading her other book. I didn't share this on there but she contacted me and asked me to edit her new book so I've actually read it already. It's brilliant, a totally different format to her previous one as it explains our bodies physical reactions and responses to estrangement as well as the emotional ones and what we can do to 'manage' them.

I think that understanding how and why panic attacks for example are triggered, and that not only is it OK to feelbut it can also be a positive emotion is really beneficial. She knows what we go through as she's estranged and I think that's what makes her books so relevant; as you can see I thoroughly recommend the new book.

Our lovely neighbours are coming for a BBQ tonight and we're going out with them and some of their friends for a meal tomorrow. I'll have to work it all off at the gym next week.

Hello to Eddiecatand Starlady

My toe still hurts and it's hard to wear my lovely foot ware from the doctor as it is so flat and I have a high arch. Let this be my worst problem in life and I am okay.
Yogagirlyour sil may have control over her daughter as she may be afraid of him or he has her convinced why she shouldn't see you.
JammyI would definitely write to dad but not stepmom and I wound definitely send it. He needs to know he didn't pull one over on you and that you suffered because of his actions. Your issue is with him. But I would run it by your therapist first. You certainly deserve to not suffer anymore and take your power back. Let him suffer now?
Does that sound mean? Honestly I think I'm getting meaner as I get older. I want my ESS and his wife to suffer too. Why can't I be forgiving?
My DH was going to write a letter last summer but never did. How come I am more angry and upset than he is about his son and DGC?
CelebgranYou have tried writing to your ED several times to no avail. It is incomprehensible that our EC don't care but they don't. So maybe it will only be upsetting to you more to do that. Write it. Put it away for a week and then read it before you decide to send it. You may feel differently.
Sparklygrandmawhen your physical health is affected you know you aren't doing enough for yourself. I understand having gotten up in the middle of the night with panic over estrangement. Letting it rest is good advice.

LuckylegsThank you for your Yelling help and yes I think we will get there for my DH family. It would be an honor to stand where they all lived. I wish I could find out where my 3% British ancestry is from. Someone from my side probably had a one or two night stand. But I do love tea.

?Happy Birthday dear *Smileless*?
?Happy Birthday to you?
Hope it was a nice day and glad Mr S made it nice for you.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY" Smileless hope you had a smashing day

Thank you Luckylegs & Celebgran You would think 4.5yrs down the line it would get easier, but it doesn't seem to . I've been waking at 5am this last week, needing to get up for a cuppa to clear my head of the sad thoughts. Yesterday midday was the deadline for putting a 'happy birthday' message in the local paper, I was about to go on at 7.30am when I got a phone call from my ND, I could hear she was driving [hands free call], then remembered I was meeting up with her at 8am as she was putting her car in for a service, so dashed out! We had a lovely day together, walk in the park first, then breakfast over looking the sea, another walk by the sea, shop in Aldi, picked her car up, then back to mine for a cuppa. She left just before 6pm, so day gone and advert not put in
I've sent my GD & GS e-cards which will arrive on their Birthday mornings, I sent my estD Xmas, New Year & Easter cards this year, all unopened, so not expecting my GC cards to be either, sent to the same email add, I don't know if this is still her email add even. They are really lovely cards, movement & music, perhaps you could do this Celebgran instead of a letter, then it just says who it's from. I also sent to my estS for his Birthday also, and I was sooo happy to see they had been opened

I agree with Smileless, celebgran...BUT each gran to their own decisions.

I stopped writing letters to the estDS, DiL and estDGC at the end of last year, and I wouldn't say I felt ''better'' exactly because nothing can make up for the loss of my lovely family - or that part of it BUT when I was continuing to write, send loving emails, presents and cards, I was doing myself harm in keeping hope alive.

No matter how much I convinced myself it didn't matter if I heard nothing back, it was hurting me and especially around Christmas and their birthdays, it was sending my mood very low for the subsequent month after I had sent something to them.My physical health was affected too.

I don't get that after effect now because I have stopped trying to get contact.

Healing myself means letting go, letting it rest - for me anyway.

Nothing will bring them back and its better (for me) to face that.

But as I said at the beginning, its up to each gran on here, what she wants to do in this area.

Yogagirl it's soooo damnhard, I will be thinking of you in few days time

Myndear little xxxxxxx will be 9 on 8th June Election Day,

I have a card, which I will send and n o doubt a gift card as the other 2 we don't even know birthdays or ages, it is heartbreaking and doesn't get less painful i kinds go into panic when I think of all I have lost.

I was fit and healthy when xxxxxxx was born nine years ago now I can hardly walk or stand it's doubly sad,

I don't bin the letters I photograph them sometimes for iPad then got drawer I stash them in!

I have sent an awful lot of lovely caring letters that reduced me to tears but never ever had a reply which speaks volumes I guess.

Smilless you dark horse I wish hard known so could sent you a card I really do

Busy ? bee today sondidnt read all your post.

???❤️???just asking dh to top my glass up so we can raise a toast to my dear friend and supporter very many happy returns xxxx

Happy Birthday Smileless - have a lovely weekend

Smileless, didn't know it was your birthday, hope the candles on the cake don't melt the icing. I am ducking right now.

?????HAPPY BIRTHDAY??????