Now retired, my husband wants us to travel - I will miss Grandchildren!

We're going on a big trip in April to celebrate our 40th anniversary and DH retiring. The best bit is that the family are coming too!! Would far rather all go for a shorter time than just us off on our own for longer.

A dear friend has been widowed recently. She went away to her daughter's home and the first thing she said to me when she came back. That's the first time I've been away for two weeks. I had not realised before that her late husband had refused to be away from home more than a week. I can't imagine anyone being so controlling of another's life. I wonder ,if finances permitted , you could do a reconnaissance trip of say ten days perhaps with a travel firm who know the country well. You never know you could be mugged /catch something dreadful / have sunstroke. Look on the bright side and your DH might never want to set foot abroad again.

Can I ask why Mexico, Minalta, and what your plans are? Have you family or friends out there? Are you seasoned travellers? We have a Mexican friend who strongly advised us against travelling on our own out of the tourist areas - he goes out with his family regularly, but he knows the place.

the sick grandson unfortunately died

But surely your friend wouldn't see the time she spent with her grandson as a waste, Hollycat?

I only saw my DP about three times a year although we lived in the same country and have never known any way of managing except on my own as DH was away for long periods of time too. I am sure your DD will manage perfectly well and perhaps you could go for 2-3 months - your DH may find that he wants to come back after that time.

I would compromise and go for a shorter time; please your DH who has been looking forward to this for so long and your DD will manage and appreciate you all the more when you come home again.

Good post*gillybob*.We enjoy short holidays but never want to be away from the grandchildren for long.A couple of years ago our autistic grandson who was then 7 said after we had been away for a week "will I ever see grandad again?" We are an important part of their lives and they miss us when we are away.For us the best part of a holiday is coming home.

However the OP is in a different position so again I would say that some sort of compromise is best.

With our other two grandchildren who are younger I do not feel the same.Not beacause I love them any less but because we don't see them nearly so often.

I would also urge you to go whilst you are both in good health, perhaps 3/4 months is a bit too long. Don't put things off, we don't know what's round the corner.

I took Early Retirement at 50 a few months after DH had Retired at 65. I would have been expected to work to 66, thanks David Cameron. His health was not brilliant (Depression for many years) but we had 7 years together. I shall never regret my decision as I was widowed at 58, if I had carried on working we would have missed some wonderful times.

I had friends who had always wanted to go to New Zealand/Australia, sadly she had cancer for years so they never went as a couple but about 6 months after she died her H went on the trip, he loved it & wished they could have done it together.

My husband retired in 2000 and wanted to travel. I wanted to keep working as I am a lot younger. 3 years later my husband had a massive stroke and was wheelchair bound for the rest of the 11 years we had together. I gave up work and cared for him to the end and every single day regretted not travelling with him when we had the chance.

Don't be like me and end up with regrets you cannot do anything about.

I am another who thinks you should go. Maybe make the holiday a little shorter? Talk it over with your husband but I think you may be being a bit unfair to him.

I would love to go away for a few months and have suggested we go in a couple of years when we both have significant birthdays, 65 and 60. I'm thinking 2-3 months either Australia (been before and loved it) or USA where DH will soon have a DGC.

This would involve deserting my DD and 2 DGC who would be 5 and 2 by then. We are the only babysitters for DGD (number 2 not yet born) so this will be a dilemma for them ... as well as us missing them of course!
It's not forever though, and plenty warning would be given so that surely SIL could arrange his work schedule to suit.

I'd be off like a shot in your case, you're not emigrating, you're celebrating retirement with a lovely long holiday. How about cutting it a bit shorter instead of not going at all???

We thought we would like to go away for several months at a time after retirement, but in reality (for us anyway), we missed our home, family and friends and our gym membership! Unfortunately no grandchildren. It all sounds good on paper but when you are away for long periods of time, you can't go out every day/night and can get bored too! (although when I was working I wouldn't have believed that!).

We find 2 to 3 weeks is more than enough and we're ready to come home. After a couple of week's I'm itching to go away again! However I feel sure if we had grandchildren to spoil, that wouldn't be the case.

Obviously we're all different as we know people who go away for two months at a time travelling and they love it! However nice the accommodation is, that we stay in, after a while I want my own things at home.

If you didn't give it a try at least once, you will never know and will always wonder. Try a month first, even if you decide these trips away are for you - a month isn't too bad not seeing the family.

A friend of mine had a similar delimma. Her husband for years wanted to take a cruise but there was always some reason they couldn't go. Her son had twin boys and another boy with spina bifida and she felt she had to stay. Sadly her husband passed away without fulfilling his dream, the sick grandson unfortunately died and the other two just grew up. She then remarried and with her new husband has experienced many cruises which she takes "in her first husbands memory" because he would have so liked to go! What a waste, instead of building memories when she could she is taking holidays almost as a penance! Must be great for the present husband too! Don't get into that trap, you may end up with only regrets.

Gillybob

I know exactly how you feel and I do not think you are being unreasonable. I would be heartbroken to leave my close family for months at a time. I know of several situations where men pushed for a move away from family or long travel trips and they never went well. In one case a husband and wife moved to the west country and a couple of years had to move back to be near the grandchildren. Unfortunately, it is more expensive to live in the east and the couple lost a large house to return to a small one.

Perhaps a compromise could be reached of a trip a little shorter than months at a time.

I can totally understand you not wanting to be away from your grandchildren for 3-4 months Minalta. I would be exactly the same. Although we not in the position to be-able to travel for any great length of time (we can almost manage a week, once a year) I could not bear not seeing the little ones for 4 months. My feelings have nothing at all to do with responsibility (I know they are not my children) it is to do with love and commitment for the family as a whole. I am sure you could reach a compromise that keeps everyone (including yourself) happy.

Likewise I totally agree with Cherrytree59 . I too look after my DGC quite a lot and have had them 2 days (and more) virtually every week since they were only weeks old (they are 10,8 and 7)I have also spent a lot of the last 10 years looking after my grandma (who passed away late 2015 aged 99) and then my mum who also passed away April 2016. There is no way I could have left them "to get on with it" so to speak. How could I even begin to enjoy a holiday when I would spend my time worrying about their welfare?

Yes Spain will always be there. It will still be there when your DGC start school. Do what your heart tells you is the right thing to do.

I start to miss my dgc if I don't see them for a few days. 3-4 months would be "eternity" for me! So I'm totally sympathetic with you minalta.

But I also understand dh's wanting to go through with your long time dream. So I'm going to join in with those who say "compromise" - postpone the date a little, as one pp said and shorten the length. Let dd know well in advance, so she'll have time to line up childcare, etc.

Also, besides skyping or ft, send or bring back souvenirs for the kids. That way, part of your traveling will be connected to them.

I think you should go but perhaps agree a compromise with DH so you are both catered for. Life is too short and you do not know what is ahead of you. Skype and facetime are great in circumstances such as this. My grandsons are 12,000 miles away and I only get to see them every 18 months so rely on Skype etc to keep in touch

I have a similar though not the same dilemma
We have travelled a lot since retirement -6years-though never for more than 3weeks (we have no grandchildren) It was a dream I thought we shared .We have always got on really well on holiday and like to do the same sort of things .However DH has wearied of it (he is 65 not 85)I think its possibly symptomatic of other things ,though that's another story
I went on a long haul holiday with one daughter last Autumn and am going on another with my other daughter this spring. DH encouraged this (tbf they are countries he had no particular desire to visit)and appeared not to mind. However when I returned it was evident he had missed me a lot more than he expected to ,though he would never admit it
I would be reasonably happy to continue with my travels on my own (the DDs cannot afford to do these holidays frequently. They are 'one -offs') but would much prefer it if he came along Money is not an issue .
What do I do ?Push him to carry on ?Or accept that henceforth I will be going on solo holidays .I'm trying hard not to feel resentful and hope its not a reflection on our marriage but.....
Incidentally a lot of my women friends have said the same thing A lot of older man don't seem to want to make any sort of effort at all Be grateful yours does.And while I accept that I don't know how one feels about grandchildren I cannot imagine prioritising them over my husband My children ,maybe when they were young,but not my grandchildren . .I also know that should I ever be blessed, the chances of my seeing grandchildren that often are fairly slim .

Like many others here, Minalta, I say go for it. Unless...... in your heart of hearts you really DON'T want to and there are reasons other than those you are divulging. Only you can answer that. However......as the MiL I would love it as I might get a look-in with the GC. Communications are so good and diverse these days that regular contact will not be a problem. One thing I would suggest is that you have enough cash to afford an unexpected flight home. This will give you peace of mind and a comfort zone that overrides other fears. Hope you have a happy outcome whatever you decide.

Go while you can it's not forever enjoy

I understand how you feel because I miss my grandchildren when we go away for just a few weeks. However, if your DH is adamant he wants to go, how would you feel if something happened in the near future and you weren't able to go away at all, would you have regrets. 3/4 months seems a long time to me and I wouldn't want to be away that long, grandchildren or no grandchildren. Can you not compromise and go for a couple of months.

I feel the same as Minalta plus I have a fear of flying, I am lucky that we have a single son, in his thirties, who is only to happy to go off on holidays with my husband, I feel that if there is not 100 % agreement then a compromise is the best way forward.

Go if YOU want to go, eg if the gc's were not a factor. Or maybe subconsciously you don't want to go, or perhaps for not that long?

Take the gc's out of the equation and see what your true feelings are. Then talk out any reservations with your husband, perhaps you would prefer a shorter visit, unless you have been there before. Hopefully you have both done your research about healthcare access, car hire, language issues, etc.

Just to make you smile, your 7 month old will NOT be walking, talking and toilet-trained by the time you return...bugger.

We had always planned to spend time caravanning in Europe when my husband retired so when he had to take early retirement because of deafness at the age of 57, we let the bungalow and took off. The grandchildren were 6, 8 and 10. We returned once a year and they came over to spend holidays with us. Everyone was happy with the arrangement. My husband died ten years later and we were all happy that he had his wish. He always used to say "do things whilst you may".

You're all saying she should go. Should she knowing she'll be sad and missing important stages in her GCs lives. I most certainly remember my grandparents before the age of 4. I felt attached to them in a way I didn't towards my travelling GPs. They were people who 'd turn up after another long absence with presents and marvel at how we'd changed. We were shy of them and never had the same sort of relationship. Can't have it both ways. I feel very sorry for the OP.