Not missing him exactly.

Hi Ruby, my mum died recently aged 89, and I can't tell you how sad I have been and how much I miss her. And some of my biggest regrets have been remembering how often when I was away at college or early in my working life, I was too 'busy' to ring or visit or too quick to criticise her on the phone or in person when I myself was unhappy. But she never criticised back and we got over my self centred period.

The swearing from your son must have been VERY upsetting and annoying, and in an ideal world shouldn't have happened BUT it did and it sounds as though you were mortified by it but for your son it may just have been a mistake.

Do find friends, acquaintances and others to talk to on a day to day basis .... boring advice but choirs, or voluntary work if you are not working, for a political party, in a hospital or charity etc if you like talking (they all want help with leafleting, admin etc and can also be fun).

Keep texting your son, no guilt trip messages, and as others have said perhaps arrange to talk on the phone once a week or so. Am sure it will improve - but don't be TOO dependent on him for 'girly' chats!

flowers]

ruby, its early days, bound to be up and down. Once things settle a bit I wonder if it would help to plan weekends so you know you will have some contact with others? Doesn't have to be massive to help. Also think the appointment system for phone catch-up with your son could be a good plan, as farnorth says he is creating a new life stage and may not appreciate your timing. A text saying you'd welcome a phone catch-up might get a more positive response, no harm in trying anyway. It's a new stage for you both, bound to get some of it wrong. Sending virtual hugs.

I do still miss DH too Everthankful but I am also very happy on my own 3 1/2 years on. I have moved so no memories of him here although I have our Wedding photo on display & a couple of ornaments he loved.

The upside is doing your own thing, I eat what I want & when I want, go to bed & get up when I want, watch what I want on tv & can be on laptop as often as I like.

Downside is of course I loved his company, trips we used to take together & laughing at same tv programmes but I have lots of good friends plus my DD & DGS are nearer now

Ruby I hope you find it easier the longer your son has gone, don't fall out with him but accept that his life has also changed

ruby isn't going to kick her son into touch foxie over a few swear words. She's been through so much with him.
I'm surprised you would suggest that.

I live mostly apart from my husband. I realised recently that I have spent my 52 years of marriage trying to gain his approval, wittering on on the telephone to try to engage him. This morning I had an epiphany when I read that the novelist Angela Carter said she had more in common with strangers she sat next to on planes than with her husband. That's me. I'm giving up and looking for affection and attention from friends. I too have a son who has been a disappointment to me and it will probably after my death that he will realise how he has hurt me. Recently I sent him some extracts from my memoirs, saying if he read them he might get some idea of who I am and how my world view informs my behaviour. He hasn't replied! I'm giving up. Love yourself more rubylady, the problem is with them, not you. As my mother would say: "They''re small parcels."

I actually enjoy missing my late husband! No sport on the TV, (every and all sorts no matter what it was!) no time team or arctic crab fishing. no set meal times(I can eat what and when I like without comment). I don't have to hide my hoard of craft supplies and I don't have to tidy up when I've finished sewing. I miss him like mad but after a year I am eventually enjoying my own company and accepting that I have no one to please other than myself.

You don't need to put up with bad behavior from anyone and I would have done exactly what you did. Unless you get a fulsome apology and a promise that it won't happen again because you don't deserve it, then kick him into touch. There are to many nice people in this world.

Ruby I understand how you feel thank goodness for gransnet we are not alone and there is always somebody who will give us that comfort bit of advice

Understandable you are missing company a bit, ruby, but your son at uni is not the one to provide it.
If he's socialising with new friends he won't want to be interrupted to have a chat with mum.
Let him get on with finding his own way for a bit, with just a few texts. If you want to phone, maybe text first to ask if it's a good time.

Weekends are the worst RL but honestly you do get used to it (fifteen years and counting haha) I too talk to everyone including myself When I m out with the grandkids they say ' who was that Nan' and I have to admit I haven't a clue ( bad advert for don't talk to strangers) but that's all that makes the world go round for me as I am a people person.
It's really about adjusting and getting into your own routine
Did he swear at you or just use a swear word ?

I do easily chat to people when I am out and about. The problem being that I have not really wanted to go out since he left. I just want to curl up and recover, really I suppose, from all that has been going on this year. I am loving the peace and quiet. I turn the telly down and just listen to the wind in the trees outside or the rain, it's lovely.

I have a lot going on in the morning, car being collected for repair, gardener coming, Tesco coming and deliveries being made, so it may have just been weekend "on my own" feeling. After a read through of some posts on here and some comments, I feel a bit better, but nothing beats sharing a brew with someone you love, more like I did with my dad than DS.

Ruby it is funny how much you can enjoy your own company, the peace and quiet too, but then miss someone to whom you can just make the odd comment. It will all settle down very soon, hope you are enjoying your own space and surroundings.

I also chat to all and sundry and think I must just have one of those faces where people tell me all! I find myself gifted with many life stories from some very interesting people. My DC find it very amusing nowadays although they used to find it embarrassing when they were younger.

I'll chat to anyone and like you say, Daphne, it often starts with some minor comment. DH is a chatterer too so it's lovely. We meet really interesting people purely by chance and spend a pleasant few minutes (or longer) chatting about all sorts of things.

ruby I am the bane of my children's lives because I will keep talking to strangers and they think I'm bonkers, but you can meet such interesting people and have a laugh or a discussion to pass the time without ever having to see them again. Chatted all the way to London (50 minutes) last week with a lighting technician from one of the West End theatres, all leading on from a moan about the impossibility of parking at the station. One advantage of white hair is that I am clearly "not on the pull" and I chat as happily to women as well as men, but usually all round about my age.
I chat to other dog walkers, women on their own in coffee shops (but don't encroach on their "space") , people on trains, anywhere and everywhere! Go for it!!

It's the little thing isn't it Ruby sharing a joke with somone, company when watching television. I think it has it upside, watching what you want, eating when you like. No matter how much pain he's caused I'd be surprised if you didn't worry and miss him a bit. I miss my children but I don't want them to come home to live. It seems like a contradiction but I expect a lot us feel the same. This is a new chapter in your life. I hope it will be a contented one.