Estrangement

This is such a painful situation.

My youngest son estranged himself totally when my DH died. I sent him letters, text, postcards, rang him only to be met with a complete and stony silence. He even changed his email address so that I couldn't reach him.

It wasn't as difficult as your situation bdohiTree but I can begin to understand the pain you feel it is torture.

My son did get back in touch after two years but only with me and not his brothers who he says he never wants to see again.

My thoughts are with you - it's SO hard for you especially with grandchildren involved. I think your DD will come back if you can be patient - not easy I know.

My heart goes out to you

How dreadful - I ma blessed with 3 lovely sons in law and every time I see them I think about what we might have done if it had been different. This sounds like total misery for you - I am so sorry.

It seems that these persons have a way of getting inside the minds of our DDs and without them realising they are being controlled, Im sure there are many DS also that are controlled by Daughter in laws just as much and as glammanana says..we can only hope that one day the light will be switched on and they can be strong enough to walk away from the situation, as with *glammananas" DD did, and my own DD hope that one day your DD will also b0dhi

This sounds so awful for you b0dhi I am sure the Police concerned where able to see through right through this man but unfortunatley they have to answer to his complaint don't they,but rest assured they will have taken the situation on board and be aware of his controlling nature for future reference,this guy has certainly got his own way at the moment but I'm sure there will come a time when you DD will walk away,it happened to my DD and she found the confidence and strength to leave its just a matter of time until she has had enough of the control he commands.

That is truly shocking! I really do feel for you x

Thanks. I have applied under the Data Protection Act to see what has been written down about me. x

Hi See above comment but the police understood immediately what our concerns were and did go and see her when she was in the house alone. I am somewhat reassured that they told us he was behind it as I feel IF her name comes to their notice in anyway they will respond immediately. The police couldn't have been any more helpful but it still means I cannot contact my daughter or her children in anyway at all at my D's address. Thanks for your support. It means a lot. x

Sadly, this is true and there isn't any more to it.(see Link below) I haven't been prosecuted because I have been told by the police not to contact her again but if I do then I will be issued with a 'Police Information Notice' and if I fail to comply then it will go to court and I am unlikely to be prosecuted because three postcards and flowers would not be seen as unreasonable behaviour but too late! I have had the indignity and shock of having the police unannounced on my doorstep and my name now recorded in police records. The upside is that so is my daughter's name in the records and I feel that they will immediately take action if she or my grand-children come to their notice.
www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/discrimination_e/discrimination_taking_action_about_discrimination_e/ge30_taking_action_about_harassment.htm

Different police authorties vary greatly in how well they deal with potential domestic abuse.

It is totally wrong for the police to take any action against you on the say so of your son in law.

The police should have spoken to your daughter on her own and have been very worried indeed, if her OH did not allow them to speak to her alone with him well out of earshot.

I suggest you talk this though with a local domestic abuse helpline who should be able to discuss with you what has happened and advise you further. Or offer you advice about how to assist your daughter.

Have you actually been charged with harrassment or cautioned for such?
try this link.
www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

This is a heart wrenching post. This happened with my daughter when she was very young and went on for years. The pain sears your heart and is very very hard to bear. We had a similar experience to yours * bikergran* but I also remember that the police did somtimes act on some of his silly revenge reports to them. Are you sure they didn't just warn you. It doesn't sound like real harassment to me. Perhaps the sly dog exaggerated. If he works can you telephone your daughter when you know he wouldn't be there and without even mentioning the latest incident just tell her if she ever needs you, you'll will be there. The path before you will be very hard and I hope you can get some comfort on the 'cut out of their lives' thread on here. (hope that's the correct title) I also hope that you get the outcome that we waited so long for, our loving girl back in the fold of her family. ((((()))))) hugs for you bOd.

I cannot understand how! the police! have been able to do this! I really cant..how on earth can this be so when the act is so trivial!

When my DD was having trouble, just to list a few (sorry not gatecrashingt the thread but)

ex partner sent her 100 and 100s of verbally abusing txts, threats, humiliating her,shouting at her, smashing the house/door, smashing my! front door, smashing her car up by jumping on it, shredding all her clothes! And we never got "anywhere, not enough evidence"!! etc etc I could fill the page....yet this lady b0diTree has had these sanctions put on her for "sending postcards"!! theres something deff not right somewhere..there really is.I just cant believe what I have read, if so then I just wish that same police force had taken my DD case on..

I agree that he is controlling her.
I had a close relative who nearly ended up being controlled. I agree that it is an alarming thing to happen. I feel for you.

I think I would go to the police station, and see if they can give you any more information.
And google, and gather as much information on your situation and predicament as you can.

What exactly did the police say b0dhiTree? You may not have a record if they just came for a chat.

Having been married to a controlling man I can understand how he has managed to sever your relationship with your DD. Control is very insidious and your DD won't have realised it was happening until it was too late and she couldn't fight back.

I agree jings, there must surely be more to this.

Oh there must be something more behind it! The law in this country doesn't work that way. Can you tell us the complete story please?

How absolutely awful for you b0hdiTree (that took some typing).

Your DD is obviously under the influence of a control freak ! I am suprised the police couldn't have taken her aside away from the husband and asked her what she really wants? Maybe she would be frightened to admit that she would like to see you? Could you ask the ex son in law for his opinion? Could he perhaps act as a go between and tell your DD that you miss her and love her out of husbands ear shot ?

Sorry can't be any more help.

I am thinking about you. So sad.