No - I am NOT an Xmas "Pity Project!"

I have asked my elderly widowed neighbour if she would like to spend Christmas day with us for years now, and she has always politely declined. I hope she didn't think we asked her because it is our Christian duty.

If you are invited and would rather not, just thank people with a smile and say, that without intending to be ungracious, you prefer to be alone with your memories on Christmas day.

Goodwill all round and good neighbours who think kindly of you in case at any time you really do have to ask their help in an emergency.

One can get through the day on one's own quite successfully I would have thought Bingo12

Hetty, what a wonderous and refreshing attitude.

With me it is the constant asking if I am going 'home' for Christmas, my stock reply now is 'yes I will be AT home for Christmas'.
Last Sunday I was asked again twice, now I have lived here for more than 25 years and I live in the family home(own Granny flat).
I gave my stock reply and was asked how I was getting there, driving or flying(Scotland from Belgium). I said we will get the tram or walk, oh that is nice said Woman. I just walked away, a friend was trying not to laugh next to me. Duh.

Perhaps you should go Margs. You may find you actually enjoy your neighbours company and have a fun day!

I think it's important at Xmas not to be self-obsessed as to one's situation (unless homeless of course); not to over analyse whether one is being insulted or not by invitations and just to get through the day if you can't actually enjoy it.

I think it rather sad you have such a low opinion of yourself,
you think you have been invited to make your neighbours feel
snug and not because they like you.

It's not about us. It's all about THEM. They just wouldn't 'feel right' - or be entirely happy - thinking of us, all alone.

People donate to the homeless shelter so nobody sleeps in the snow, give a charity toy to the poverty-stricken kids, feed the birds, drop something in the food-bank tub at the supermarket etc. - as it's Christmas! For the other 364 days of the year? Sod the lot of them!

I agree too. It's the 'enforced happiness' of Christmas that I find depressing, at times. What's the message?

It's Christmas!
You must join in!
You WILL enjoy it!
You CAN'T be alone!

Well, I'm never allowed to be, so just have to go to one of the kids' places, slap on a smile, play with the grandkids, eat an enormous dinner etc. - it's compulsory you know! I find that Ibuprofen helps!

Absolutely Sodapops, but I do have a strategy for Margs:

You could smile sweetly and decline, because you LIKE being on your own, and then explain that you would otherwise have made arrangements to go and help out at a care home/Sally Army etc etc for the day.

And then go back to being ignored for the rest of the year.

I feel just the same, Margs.

Xmas jollity is most suitable for extraverts. I am an introvert.

If a neighbour patronised me I'd try very hard in the interest of keeping the peace to allow myself to be patronised , and I might even enjoy myself.

Apart from my entire – and, at the time, quite extensive – family and their pets – I have invited neighbours, old friends who would otherwise be on their own, new friends who would otherwise be on their own, and my daughter's friends who would otherwise be on their own to Christmas lunch. I also always invited neighbours for drinks and mince pies on Christmas morning. If people accepted my invitation, I was always delighted; if they didn't, I simply accepted the fact that they didn't want to come or were going somewhere else. Complacency – smug or otherwise – was never my emotion; just pleasure in sitting around a dining – well, two dining – tables together enjoying traditional Christmas fare and good company. Interestingly, my guests never went home early. However, I never used that rather loathsome comment about being lonely.

I can well understand you wanting to be alone and even enjoying your own company but surely it’s kind they asked

You say there is usually an invitation from at least one of the neighbours You don’t mention a particular invitation .. this year then suddenly in your second post it’s the neighbours from hell next door with police cars screeching up, Perhaps one of them got hit on the head with a flying turkey what ever next a cannabis growing plant two doors up
The nun and monk in Agadir gave me a chuckle you couldn’t make it up (or could you)

Enjoy your Christmas however you spend it Margs and think kindly if anyone that is kind to you even if you perceive it as pity

Namsnanny Oh, I don't know, marinaded in a little booze and garlic........

Bit tough and bony don't you think Bradfordlass? Now if they were asking me...…………!!

Maybe Margs is wiser than we thought.

You know how people say, 'We're having turkey for Christmas'?

Perhaps these police-inducing neighbours who seem to be on the edge of mayhem and riot have been telling people, 'We're having our old neighbour for Christmas.' ?

Bradfordlass … with a sense of humour like yours you'd be welcome anywhere!!!!

Margs … your post does sound quite judgemental. Can you really know that you are being invited for the reasons you suggested?

bingo12 … Sorry but the thought of an (ex?) Nun and Monk partying in Agadir gave me a fit of the giggles !!

This is a difficult one. Many people are lonely at Christmas and would like to share the day with others. Then there are those who are happy to be at home I count myself among the latter. I have a wonderful family we spend lots of time together throughout the year. If asked they will tell you that mum spends Christmas day chilling out with the dogs and doing nothing. It's the one day in the year where no one bothers you it can be spent in a track suit enjoying the peace and quiet. We all get together the Sunday before Christmas for a long walk with crazy children and a pack of manic dogs a relaxed meal and fun. I am lucky they all respect my wish to be with my animals chilling out. Each to their own.

However dodgy the neighbours, however clumsy the invitation, do consider that it was kindly meant.

Perhaps Boris and partner have invited someone who lives alone on Downing Street. Perhaps the neighbour is saying 'I don't want to go there -the Police were at their door the other night after a load of shouting '

for those who are fit and able to get out, and would otherwise be alone, or wishing to avoid being co-opted into others' gatherings, that they could perhaps help out at community lunch event.
these are often organised by churches, pubs even, to spread some cheer to people who otherwise could not afford or are not able to prepare a xmas lunch.
then you could say, no thanks, I'm busy at the salvation army citadel, helping with the outreach day there.
this is a good way to avoid unappetising relatives' events too.