I don't know how many posters on this thread are personally affected by this issue. I'm always amazed at how often people decide that a particular term is perfectly OK and not at all offensive, when that term is not one that will ever be used to describe them.
I agree that some people actually relish being "offended" but I believe they are in the minority. I think it is reasonable to say that if it appears that the majority of a particular group prefers not to be referred to in a certain way, it is right that their feelings be respected. My husband and all the non-white people I know do not like to be referred to as coloured because of its associations.
We already know that for people in the US, the term "colored" is associated with a time when black people, under the ridiculous facade of "separate but equal development", were denied any semblance of dignity and basic human rights.
In apartheid South Africa, people were sorted into different categories - white, coloured, Indian and black. "Coloured" and "Indian" people had more rights than "Black" people. Perhaps therefore the term "coloured" is also unconsciously associated with a system that "sorted" people by degrees of colour and encouraged them to see themselves as either superior or inferior, dependent on what particular shade they happened to be.
It does, on the face of it, seem a bit contrary to object to the term "coloured woman" and yet find the term "woman of colour" acceptable. But how language is used changes all the time and similar precedents had already been set (e.g. when it became more acceptable to refer to "people with disabilities" than "disabled people"). I do see the reasoning behind it but feel that it takes some time for everybody to get used to the changes, and I don't think that using an old fashioned term necessarily indicates disrespect.
I am, like many others, surprised that a person of Cumberbatch's age is not aware that the term "coloured" has not been in favour for many years.
On the point of making personal comments about a person's disability, would it be acceptable to ask a stranger or casual acquaintance what caused the serious scar on her face?