How about "Feel free to call myself if necessary"? When I explain that I can call myself, and you can call yourself, but I can't call yourself and you can't call myself... the usual answer is a blank look and "Duh!"...
Ha! Ha! Haaaaaaaaa! An OBE in exchange for the State Pension?
I Shall Be a Weather Forecaster In My Next Life Or...
"Old fashioned" expressions that young people have never heard.

!!! Mind you, it's tempting to ask for one just to see what they look like 
