Preston Davey, another baby P.

MissAdventure

We seem to be taking great strides in the wrong direction.
Trigger warnings/big fuss about Enid Blyton books, and setting out the most vulnerable in society as if they're in a Littlewoods catalogue.

Absolutely spot on Miss Adventure. I remember being horrified when some adoption agencies started to do this. I was told their experience was it encouraged prospective adopters.

Beachcomber,I have been out at work, and have just seen your post, don't want you to think I was ignoring you!.
I don't mention it often and I think it is probably easier for me to mention now as I have been in a relationship with a man for a very long time. I am also wary of claiming an identity that isn't mine currently but that is probably my own hangups. I am explaining this poorly
I would also say I think I know GN and I think you would receive a lot of support on that issue, but I understand feeling wary.
I don't want to derail any further but am glad you mentioned how you felt.

beachcomber76

Hi. I have just breathed a sigh of relief as I read your post and I have also had relationships with women in the past, after divorce.

I'm a mother and a grandmother, but often feel Gransnet is a very heterosexual place and I feel like a fish out of water and can't relate. For eg. the loss of a male partner through death or divorce gains such empathy. But to lose a female partner is as traumatic for the other female partner.

I don't post a lot of my views and feelings as my past is too personal and difficult to explain.
Anyway it's good to know I'm not alone.

To be honest, I do not , give a toss what someone's sexuality is. How can we tell on GN? unless you meet them or they say so explicitly. You do not have to be heterosexual to have a partner of the opposite sex.

Losing a partner is traumatic, whether male or female. Since joining GN, I have never seen such a post or thread., it is very difficult to say whether the loss of a same sex partner would be treated any differently than the loss of an opposite sex partner

We seem to be taking great strides in the wrong direction.
Trigger warnings/big fuss about Enid Blyton books, and setting out the most vulnerable in society as if they're in a Littlewoods catalogue.

As I said, I think showing photos of these little ones online goes against their human rights. They are too young to give permission but that doesn't give people the right to offer them up for the whole world to gaze upon. 😧😢

Tuliptree

Showing photographs imo actually feeds into the ‘commodification’ of children . I only saw 3 photos on their website but the little girl was described as ‘beatiful’. I wonder what they do with their ‘ugly’ little girls.

I had no idea some adoption agencies are almost like a catalogue. Choose your child. Your comment on a little girl being beautiful sends a chill down my spine.

Showing photographs imo actually feeds into the ‘commodification’ of children . I only saw 3 photos on their website but the little girl was described as ‘beatiful’. I wonder what they do with their ‘ugly’ little girls.

Silvershadow
They’re a disgusting pair of perverts. And don’t they look like it from their photos.

No, most "perverts" don't- it's in their interest to be as charming, helpful and as attractive as possible otherwise they'd never get access.

MissAdventure

I'm aghast to think of children's pictures put out on a website, so people can "window shop".
What on earth is that all about!?!?

My jaw dropped when I read that. In the reports on the case, I noted that the two men had seen photos of Preston and decided he was the one they wanted. I had assumed this was after they’d passed all screenings etc and that prospective adopters would then be shown photos of children on a one-to-one basis. I hadn’t imagined a Cats’ Protection League style array of children to choose from, like a catalogue.

That’s just shocking and demeaning to put vulnerable children on display like a secondhand car garage.

What NotSpaghetti said to beachcomber 💖💐. We have lesbian and gay family and friends. One of my friends separated amicably from her husband, they remained good friends and parents, he got on well with her new lesbian partner. In the past year, her partner and ex husband died. Her grief for both is clear

beachcomber76 please know there are plenty of us on Gransnet who know that you don't have to be heterosexual to love deeply and miss a partner or spouse when they die or leave us.

I have no idea why sexuality should have any bearing on our "public facing" lives. We are all just people after all with the same wants and needs.

I don't think it will be in any way helpful to pass judgement on only the Social Workers.
The whole 'situation' needs to be re-assessed, everyone involved.
And, those photographs must go.

There are more
Looked After children because we have huge substance abuse which contributes to all forms of neglect and abuse. Support services for children and families were decimated by austerity, as were mh and drug/alcohol.
Adoption is often really challenging, children who suffered harm pre placement plus high expectations that adopters will facilitate contact of some kind with siblings, sometimes birth families

Preston would have ticked so many positives for any prospective adopters. He’d formed secure attachments to experienced foster carers, my experience is they’re always available to support the prospective adopters. The couple said Preston didn’t sleep well. Their comments suggest they’d no real idea what parenting a baby, especially a nine month old moved to them with a short introduction period. We are all now aware abuse started when he moved to live with them. I wonder how they conned professionals so well. I expect his original sw was replaced by one from the adoption and fostering team. Someone without a background in investigating suspected abuse. Someone who could have seen the changes in him

Skipping a few posts, and will go back to read them, but welcome beachcomber.
We are just 'names' and points of view.

I have an adopted GC . During the process of being being accepted to adopt, my family was shown no photographs of any child. There was no question of " shopping for a child", but quite the reverse. The social workers were shopping for a family for this baby. The description of my little one was age, gender, health needs, and their favourite things to do.
My GC had a number of health issues, some possibly related to the uterine environment.
The first meeting, at ten months, was the first sight of the child. I have been interested to hear of the reservations expressed by the first foster family. Experienced foster carers can be very insightful.

MissAdventure

I'm aghast to think of children's pictures put out on a website, so people can "window shop".
What on earth is that all about!?!?

Me too.
I am horrified.
I had no idea.

I have to say I saw the headline yesterday, but did not read the detail, could not bear to.
The system would actually favour a gay male couple being adoptive parents because it is line with diversity.
I'm speaking as someone who has a gay step-son who is married to his husband.
Having worked in a health visitors office in an admin role it struck me that lots of young health visitors do a good job, however maybe some of them just don't have enough 'life experience', as in coming up against pure evil and wickedness in order to think the worst of people.

Who are ‘Drama Queens’ FGT? Who are the ‘themselves’ that it is ‘all about’?

Chestnut

GrannyGravy13

Beyond words and comprehension.

This depraved, hideous individual was a teacher FFS 🤬🤬🤬

Yes he was a teacher, impossible as it seems. So much evil bottled up inside him, it makes you shudder.

If you saw the pathetic way he broke down when arrested, I've seen the same before, and yes, another teacher! It was the head teacher of a school, a big lump of a man, who had been chasing a female pupil. When he was arrested he literally fell to the ground and started wailing like a baby. The Police couldn't get him up on his feet. So it seems a very similar type of person, utterly pathetic.

Drama queens.
All about themselves. Just despicable.

I'm aghast to think of children's pictures put out on a website, so people can "window shop".
What on earth is that all about!?!?

watermeadow

What we hear most of about adoption is that it’s very hard to do. Something needs changing if increasing numbers of children are removed from bad homes but the numbers adopted fall and fall. It’s a long and difficult process so we assume it’s thorough.
Evidently not thorough enough.

There will be others on this thread who know much more, but I’d guess that maybe children coming into care now might have greater and more complex needs and so adopting may not be so likely. Plus of course, adoption is not considered for many children as it could be hoped that they can eventually go back to their parents or other family members.

What we hear most of about adoption is that it’s very hard to do. Something needs changing if increasing numbers of children are removed from bad homes but the numbers adopted fall and fall. It’s a long and difficult process so we assume it’s thorough.
Evidently not thorough enough.

beachcomber76

Oh dear that was for Galaxy....just outed myself there.

As a fairly frequent visitor to the Bereavement threads I really believe you’d get both sympathy and empathy on their for the loss of a female partner. The things that are lost with a partner’s death seem to me to have nothing to do with whether it’s same sex or not. But I’m sorry it’s felt like that for you.

Sorry for typos - think you can work it out

Silvershadow

Why do you think that is? Family breakdown or immigration issues?

The answer is really complex but there’s some good stuff online. Te tge Separsted Migrant Children, they’re about 7% of looked after children in England. About 6,500 latest gigs - up from sbout 5000 five years ago. But recently a small drop