It is good to read from someone who seems to have made the right financial decisions in life, or at least to have been very fortunate but not to have squandered what they have.
I own my home outright, have modest savings but find I am struggling on my state and work based pension which I have only just started claiming.
I really want to have my bathroom updated and could use my savings for this but like you, I fear that once they are gone there will be nothing left for a 'rainy' day.
You sum up the quandary well- none of us can predict if we may need savings to pay for future care, or whether we will die tomorrow and leave our kids with a lot of responsibility on their shoulders.
For me I have worked fifty years of my life, have always paid tax and still do. It doesn't bother me a jot because I am a user of the services my tax goes to pay for, or maybe, or know people who are, and I do believe we live in a welfare state where we all make a contribution for the good of society.
So my perspective is this:
I need those savings I have and will leave them where they are
I will try to pare back my spending so that I am able to treat myself now and again to a holiday.
I will carry on giving to charities through my bank because I know there are so many people so much worse off than I am.
I think you should maybe head for a middle way- do a little of all the things you mentioned, especially spending some on yourself!