Adult Son and money

We are unfortunately between the devil and the deep. He is 25, has no qualifications that will get him a well paid job. He is very bright but was unable to complete University as he couldn’t concentrate. We cant throw him out.

He has a younger sister. She is the complete opposite of him, younger, earns plenty of money but is horribly verbally abusive to us. She lives 3 hours away.

Any proof he truly spent it in crypto? He could have a gambling problem, alcohol, etc

He is currently furloughed. He is nocturnal and generally gets out of bed around 5pm. He spends his time playing online games. He comes out of his room for only a couple of hours a day.

He clearly has an issue with his mental health but also he is on the spectrum (undiagnosed) which is becoming more and more apparent as he gets older and wasnt noticeable when he was younger. He doesn’t go out, doesnt exercise and uses his bedroom floor as a rubbish bin.

I agree with others who say you need to back away. Have you seen solid proof that his investment has now regained its value? Because I’d be wondering about the truth of that.

You’re not doing him any favours (let alone yourselves) by allowing him a free ride.

If you loved him you wouldn’t limit his prospects by allowing him to think he can behave so badly and continually get away with it.

Time to be tough, for his sake.

This time next week Bitcoin could plummet and you will be back where you started or even worse he could be in debt in a big way.

He might have Mental Health issues but he certainly knows how to manipulate his parents.

But you know all this.........

this sounds very hard as I can imagine I would do whatever I could to make sure my son got over such a MH crisis. Did you receive counselling yourself? Do you think it might help re boundaries?

Stop bailing him out of any deals he may make, tell him to move out as he has the money (as he claims he has) and next time he claims to be suicidal, call the police or the emergency line for him to be evaluated by a medical team

Bottom line, stop enabling him
What is the chance he is a product of his environment?

I think you will have to be cruel to be kind, and tell him that you are going to change your behaviour from now on, ie not lend him money/bail him out, and therefore his behaviour will have to change ie he has to learn to manage the money he earns or face the consequences of his actions.

Moneysavingexpert have a free course on budgeting at the moment, try and persuade him to watch it. The average rent for a room in a shared house is £400, tell him you will continue to allow him to pay you half the going rate which I assume also includes limitless food, but want him to save the additional £200 to prepare him for independence.

Oh dear! So difficult for you.

He certainly seems to be taking advantage.

It sounds like he needs professional help with his finances and further help with his mental health. Perhaps it's time for some tough love - if he refuses to go along with that you may need to tell him he's on his own! I appreciate that that brings its own difficulties, but you can't go on like this indefinitely.

He needs help and I don’t mean financial. I don’t know much about cryptocurrency, but I think it’s all a bit of a gamble. I get the impression he is your only child, and your mothers only grandchild. Difficult one ....