Planning our own funeral

Yes, I've planned my funeral. My two dearest friends will sing me away at a small church service and then I shall be buried in an ecocoffin of English Willow. I think they're beautiful. The Wonderful Man will most likely go after me, but I expect he'll choose a cardboard coffin - he's such an eco-warrior.
Can I say too that I don't think it's morbid at all to talk about death? I often talk about my demise (there have been a couple of close shaves) and have had frank discussions with my mother (fingers in ears la la la response from her, but she has sorted a funeral plan at least) and my in-laws. When I think of all the planning that goes into a wedding, or anniversary/birthday parties - I can't understand why people are loath to discuss their final 'party', especially when it would potentially save a lot of worry and heartache further down the line.

My mother-in-law has arranged her own funeral and paid for it already.
She did it after my husband died, her middle son.
She's 92 now and still living on her own.
When my husband died, our youngest son did everything with me, going to the bank, registry office, etc. He also knows where all the papers are, and how to get into my bank account as he had to do that last year when I was in hospital.
My will says I want to be cremated, and we had a very simple funeral at the crematorium, with family doing everything, no religious input, so they know I want similar.
The main thing is to get the Power of Attorney in place as Sunseeker said earlier, and the advance directive.

Granny23, should you be telling people that a social worker encouraged you to cheat the government?

I do not think there was any intention to 'cheat the government'. In fact I believe the SW's motivation was to save her time and the LA's money, by suggesting a perfectly legitimate piece of expenditure which took DU's savings below the limit immediately, rather than have him assessed as having to pay, paying for a couple of months and then having to be re-assessed as below the limit and thereby entitled to have his fees met. He did pay full whack from his savings while the assessment was being carried out which was not refunded and the threshold on savings was soon to rise.

His savings have been further depleted to pay for the special shoes he needs and the proper hospital bed he requires after breaking his hip. Had he been in a nursing home these items would have been supplied free of charge but in a care home the resident pays. Since the Post Office arbitrarily mothballed his savings account, neither he nor myself have any access to it so my sister and I share the cost of his clothing, two replacement watches (the others having been 'lost' while he was in hospital, biscuits and sweets for him, Christmas gifts to care home staff etc. and help with fundraising activities for the home. His 'pocket money' pays for the barber, a daily paper and outings - the rest of his pension goes to the home.

Sorry this is so long but I am that this 95 year old, former Bevan Boy who worked and paid his taxes and NI should be accused of being a benefit cheat.

Failing the council skip, I want a cardboard coffin and to be buried upright – not for any arcane reason but because it uses up less space.

DD1, who is an Independent Celebrant, happened to be in the funeral directors office when they were making arrangements for a 'paupers' funeral for a very old man who had outlived all his family and friends. It IS the environmental health department of the local council who arrange such funerals but the deceased does not go in the skip, but is buried in an unmarked council owned plot in the cemetery (although in this case there is a family grave with one lair left). The coffin supplied is made of MDF, much cheaper, apparently than a cardboard one and the entire burial costs the Council £600 which is mainly the gravediggers costs. Normally, there is no 'service' but DD, saddened by the stark and businesslike arrangements has volunteered to go along and deliver the standard committal service, hoping that an old neighbour or two will appear at the graveside to pay their respects.

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A friend who is a lot older and in her early 80's has been making enquiries re donation of body to medical science. This is in London and she did not qualify as she has swollen ankles due to heart problems. I doubt if any of us are the same as we were aged 20. I thought that answer crazy.

Strange this thread has cropped up again..as I have just this minute finished reading about planning/paying/organising etc etc funeral, as we don't have any savings etc and DH has been ill for so long...that although it his a horrible subject I feel I must at least do some reading on the subject. The "gov" website has a lot of info and also "ageuk" has lots of info..but it does seem a frightening and costly aspect of life(death) and when the time does comes..who has time to start reading forms etc etc and trying to think about other things as it must be a very distressing and shocking time even if you were expecting it.Not a good subject but one that we must face wether we like it or not.

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Reported. They're certainly out in force this morning.

I find this whole funeral thing quite a dilemma. Some years ago I set aside a 'funeral fund' and have never touched it (probably an inadequate amount by now anyway!) But now that the rest of my savings has almost gone I am SO tempted to tap into the funeral fund and enjoy a couple of decent holidays with it and therefore let my family worry about the cost of my funeral after I've turned up my toes. But is this unfair, I ask myself?
I do have a property which they can sell, but even so....
Any ideas?

I don"t think there is anything wrong about talking about dying and plans
After all we talk about birth!

Mum had pre paid for her funeral. She had a willow coffin. I went with her to arrange it. She said no hymns no fuss but I persuaded her to have one hymn. It was such a relief to not have to think about this. The one thing she didn't plan was the music for the carrying in of the coffin. My brother and I found it very hard to decide on this. So can I suggest if you intend planning your own think about all the choices people will need to make if you don't.
DH and I intend doing ours very soon.

henetha, there is nothing unusual about the cost of the funeral coming out of your estate when it is settled. When my uncle and aunt both died within days, that was the arrangement we came to with the solicitor and the undertaker.

Like Henetha, we started to save for our funerals a few years before hubby retired, but it came to a halt after he retired, it`s now relying on the pitiful amount of interest to make it grow. We think that there`s probably enough for one funeral, and about a third of the cost of another, so our children will have to forego a bit of their shares of our house when sold, in order to pay off the rest. The trouble is, there`s a massive hole appeared in the roof of our garage, the only way we could afford to have it fixed would be to break into that fund, but we are reluctant to do so.

When you die the cost of the funeral comes out of your estate. Your house will be sold by your heirs to pay. Your estate will earn less if major repairs are needed by the buyers. Mend the roof. Your property will be in good repair and pay for your funeral.

absent I had hoped that it WAS for an arcane reason[more exciting than a practical reason.]
It's true that funerals are expensive, but if you have savings, or own your own house, then money will come from that as Stansgran says.
I am of the 'surprise me!' camp, when it comes to my own funeral, it doesn't matter to me what happens, be it a quiet church service or the jazz band through the town someone mentioned.I know someone who planned their own funeral down to the last hymn and flower and was then lost at sea [never found.]
If you haven't any money [and your family haven't either] don't worry, they don't leave anyone 'up top' do they?

This is such an interesting topic. I went to my aunt's funeral a couple of weeks ago and she had organised and paid for all of it some years ago. She was a single lady and the last left of her generation. It was comforting to know that she had the service, coffin and cars that she wanted, also the readings. And of course, saved us making the decisions.

I have been thinking for some years of going to a funeral directors to look around at the coffins and find out what's on offer so to speak, because when one actually needs to choose, the emotions will be too overwhelming to be able to make sensible choices.

Worth looking into pre-paid plans I reckon, though I have no idea as to what they cost.

I`ve already told the kids that they can do it as cheaply as possible, I don`t mind, I won`t know anyway! I don`t even mind a cardboard coffin, if it`s cheap.

Cardboard coffins.... brilliant. I definitely want one. Why waste good wood?
All the music at my funeral must be by' Queen'... the louder the better!

Lyke Wake Dirge for me. I'm sure most people will be glad to see the back of me but at least the music will make them miserable .

www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_jKsQjuCfE