I think she may already be in the wrong for building the wall right on the boundary as this means the footings must be on your land. (We have a six inch gap where we built as near as possible to our boundary, planning wouldn't allow it nearer.) You need to check with your local planning department but may mean you can use this as gentle leverage to persuade her to put the vent elsewhere.
And of course you need to advise her (very nicely of course) that you will be asking a planing inspector to call to give you advise on your proposed extension.
As jeanie says you need to tread carefully.
Why do people lie online are they living a fantasy or winding us up?
