Coast or Near family?

My grandfather apparently used to say "please yourself, do what you want to do. At least you'll know one bugger that'll be happy" Not a bad maxim for life.

Nemosmum - wherever people move to, they should consider access to good public transport, doctor, hospital, shops (plural), the necessities required for our dotage!
Willow73 - I moved back to the sea, but in a different area from before, after 10 years away, and I love it. DGD is 2 hours away, I see her often at the moment, my only regret is that when she's old enough to travel independently, the journey between us is horrible as she'll have to go north into London to come south.

the coast!

I moved to the coast when I was sixty. I absolutely loved it. I stayed for 8 years, until my family complained that they didn't see enough of me. So I moved back closer to them. A year later I had a bad stroke and would never have managed without them. So you never know what is around the corner health wise. It was something I hadn't considered, But everyone should.

My DH always wanted to move to the coast when he retired but I resisted although I do love the sea and beaches. I’m so glad we never moved as he was diagnosed with a life threatening aneurysm then cancer just as he retired. Had we moved I would of been left alone hours from family.
It’s a lovely idea but do take into account all eventualities.

again a personal decision.

my dh and I moved from here, southwestish,, to North Yorkshire. near to Scarborough, loved it... 10 years, then first gc born, and I just had to come back here, but then it was a long journey, couldn`t do a weekend visit,, dh now died, but so glad we came back to be nearer them,, 20 years now, so ,don`t see much of the gks,, but the thought of them being near, helps me... though I made some lovely friends in and around Scarborough, as I said been back here now 20 years and not many really close friends...

Hi Willow
I am in exactly the same position as you. Dorset is my choice too. I inherited some money a couple of years ago and used some of it to rent a cottage for 6 months - not cheap as altogether it cost me around £9,000 as you have to pay full council tax on a second property. I spent over half my time down there (1.5 hours from my home) and it confirmed that I wanted to move permanently. I was always happier driving down there than coming home. I am really hoping to sell my current property which is near my son and family. My son says he will come and visit at least once a month. I know he will. We lived in Dorset 20 years ago and loved it. On Saturday we all had a day out at Hambledon Hill, visiting Gold Hill Organic Farm and lunching at the Fiddleford Inn on Tuesday. Everyone is so friendly and I feel really at home there. The fact that I live near my son's family now has made the decision difficult but, like you, I realise that I don't see that much of them and it should be quality time when I do eventually move there. However I have hummed and hawed for several years. Now that I have decided I feel so much better for it and cannot wait to go. IN CONCLUSION I would obviously say go for it! I am so glad I invested in a short rent - well worth the outlay to help you decide. Good luck.

My late mother had the same opinion as Shortlegs' grandfather.
I took that advice and after many years of difficult conduct from my DCs later my DGC started to speak to me in the same manner so I moved away to a coastal town.
I moved just before lockdown but even so this has been a much better place to live. The neighbours are exceptional, even strangers say hello as I walk on the streets, others get into conversation even though this has to be done 2 metres apart. I have a smaller house but still could have visitors. The DCs having lost the babysitter, housekeeper, money lender, and general factotem are in the huff! At least I dont have to listen to all the grumps now.
My health has improved and I am getting out a lot more. It is even safe to walk about at night here. I think it was a good decision.
At least I know that I am happy here and feeling so much better so as my mum and PP's grandfather said there is at least one person who is happy.

I live near the coast and it is amazing. My 5 grandchildren are on a rota system where i have one at a time. They love it ...

My MIL lived i Tenby when my boys were small, amd although it meant them sleeping on the floor, couldn't wait to visit, as often as possible - GO FOR IT!

Do you have a support network where you are planning to go? My parents lived at the coast after they retired — mothers home town so lots of relatives and friends around.

However, as has been said, a lot of their neighbours had moved there after retirement having enjoyed holidays there. Sadly, when, as they aged and became ill, their families were too far away to be of much practical help. When one died, the remaining spouse found it very lonely. My father said he arranged a lot of funerals to help the widow/widower because they were too far for families to help. Every time I went to visit, I spent a lot of time helping to organise social help and fill in forms. It was not that either of us minded but, I thought it very sad.

When my husband and I thought about going there in retirement, my father advised against it for the reasons already given. By then, most of the relatives that I knew had died and even if still around, were an older generation than us.

I cannot tell you how grateful I was when my husband developed Parkinsons and friends of many years rallied round with practical and moral support. When he was in hospital for many weeks, they helped with lifts to give my sister, who was driving me to the hospital daily with me, a break. When he died, they were there again, and still are, with visits, phone calls and invitations. I don’t think that would have happened had we moved.

Sorry! This sounds like a tale of woe! It is not meant that way — just a warning to think carefully.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck.

We moved to the coast 10 years ago when DH retired. We knew too many older friends who wished they had done things and left it too late. At that time our DD lived 3 hours away and our DS lived abroad. DS has now returned but 2 hours away. We now have 4 GC who love spending time with us - or at least did until Covid. We may need to move closer to DD or DS eventually but in the meantime we can enjoy the view of the sea.
It is entirely different in summer but normally only really busy for 6 weeks of the summer holidays. Our GC's enjoy the beach whatever the time of year.

About 17 years ago we actually bought an enchanting house with a sea view to retire to. We have had much blissful use out of it and one of our grown up children visits it all the time too.

However, as the children turned twenty we realised that our life is near them and our seaside retirement plans are on hold.

The pandemic has also reminded us that medical care, hospitals, supermarkets and other vital facilities are better where we are.

I meant to say, take out the class three voluntary contributions. It is a very good deal.

Your GC will grow and you may not not hold such an important place in their lives. Do what you want to do without too much consideration for the family. They will enjoy whatever arrangement you have.

My Dad's done the move in reverse: from the coast where he and Mum always lived to the Midlands to be near us.
After she died he wasn't coping at all and was four hours away, so a visit took a whole weekend.
Now he's in an extra-care apartment with support on hand if he needs it and we're only 15 minutes away.

Yes he misses the sea, I did when I left home to move here to go to college so I know how he feels. But we have excellent health care here, good transport links and shops and are midway between two airports.
Dad says he feels safe here and overall it was a good move. He's certainly benefitted from the support available this year!

He hasn't made many friends here, but then he didn't have many by the coast; his social life had revolved round Mum's WI groups and once she died that fizzled out.
I'd been trying to persuade him to join the local U3A which has a lot of groups but obviously that'll have to wait now.

Dad's 89 though so if you're younger I'd say go for it, but bear in mind it might not be forever if you need family support later in life.
Personally I keep binge-watching "A Place in the Sun" as I really fancy moving to Spain when I retire haha! Might downsize here and keep both options open....

Lots of food for thought from everyone for you Willow 73

Pros and cons.
a) The Coast-provided there is a good transport system especially regular bus service and online delivery ,a "get you out of trouble " shop within walking distance. and main hospital near by.
You could stay where you are and find that for one reason or another your family want to move.
Grandchildren are not going to want granny as much when they are older and you are too .
b) Why not spend a few weekends in the area you want to live (especially in the winter) and see what it is like?
I have a sneaking suspicion that you really want to go.
I am intrigued that now you have the chance.
I think not knowing the full story,if I were you if a) ticks all the boxes and you can do b) then I say go for it.
Good Luck
Willow73

If it is something you really want, I would do it. I used to spend huge amounts of time with my grandchildren, up to the time they finished primary school, but now it is not very frequent at all. It’s only natural, they’re off doing their own thing with their friends.

A 2-3 hour trip is still ok for a weekend visit, especially if you would have space for them to stay, so you would probably still see them as much, and they wouldn’t be nipping out after 5 minutes!

I would echo all the above comments about access to services etc, but would also ask if you find meeting people and making friends easy, if moving away from all friends and relatives

How about keeping your current home, renting it out for e.g. 6 months (get all the good legal advice you need for this) and rent somewhere in the area you are thinking of retiring to? And of course take all the excellent advice about doctors, transport and other services before you move. This way you don't burn your boats before you've tried your seaside dream, and can always come back to where you are now. Its a big step and this might help. I wish you well!

I sold my house and have rented a bungalow near to family a year ago. I've always wanted to live near the sea and wish I had moved there instead, as some of my family have given me a lot of worry.

We had a similar decision to make recently, we had already moved to the coast which we are really happy about but because we see so little of our grandchildren, we came so so close, and then out of the blue, our daughter who had been trying to get us to move announced that they are seriously considering a move to the Middle East, so my advice would be move where YOU will be happiest!

My experience for what it is worth. In 2016, aged 80, and hospitalised, my family persuaded me after much heart searching to move to the North East to be near them. The choice between a life I enjoyed with sophisticated amenities to hand, and on the doorstep of London, and my home for 46 years. Against a home on an outstandingly beautiful coastline in a pleasant quiet village 300 miles away.

With the situation the nation now in, I know I made the right choice, and pleased I am here. My family with me for lunch on Sunday and I able to have dinner with them two or times a week. My neighbours a lovely young couple with two small children, in a caring community in which I am looked out for with kindness during this difficult time. My health provision needs much improved on that in the South. What more does one need!

There are other possibilities. Have you looked at the prices of sheltered accommodation in your area? Even in leafy Surrey a one bedroom flat costs less than half the price of a similar property on the open market, presumably because of the age limit. I think it’s 55 for women. You could downsize locally, and buy a chalet at the seaside. There are some lovely ones on the beach, and it would mean the best of both worlds for you. Just a suggestion.

It’s people that matter, not places. DH and I alwayscsaid we would retire to Wye Valley when it came to it we realised all our friends and family were near us, and we can walk , bus, train everywhere . So we stayed put.
Good luck with your decision making ?

Exactly my point, Cid24 but put so much more succinctly. ?