Help calm me. House buying and selling stress. Part 6

whiff I love your third paragraph, it has been a tremendously difficult journey since being widowed, making a brand new life by myself. You were much younger than me when it happened to you, you are an inspiraion, picked yourself up, dusted yourself down and you keep on going

Shandy is still on that difficult journey, widowhood has stages and the last stage is acceptance and making a new life on our own. Whiff got there and so have I, it takes varying amounts of time and some never get there but when it happens, a peace descends. We need our friends who have that experience, we have no husband to help and guide us

Framilode thank you . There will be much rejoicing when Shandy finds her home.

Willidel I am not some horrible person and my name is spelt Whiff.

Thank you Craftyone one. Shandy57 sent me a PM she knows we are all looking out for her. Doing anything on your own after being widowed or divorced is hard. When it's been 2 people making the decisions it's easier to weigh up the pros and cons. Harder on your own. Also there are a lot of firsts. This may make some of you laugh but I was 46 the first time I ever went into a pub by myself. Because I promised my husband I was the same age when I went on holiday by myself. That was 2005 not had a holiday since. Just visited the children. It was only 4 days in York.

Shandy57 has grown in confidence since being on this thread. It took courage to move out of her house in the rental and sell at auction. But as I have told her privately she needs to move into her own home. She needs a new home, new life .

Don't know if anyone else felt this way but before I moved I was my husband's wife then widow , children's mom , my parents daughter and my brother's sister. Since moving everyone only knows me. Finally I got my identity back. People know me as me. Not some other label. I want that for Shandy. I want her to feel the peace I felt since moving.

My life as some of you know is far from perfect. But have come to terms with what's happened and there is nothing I can do . In a strange way it's a weight lifted off my shoulders not to hold out any hope. Thank goodness for my daughter and her family and the rest of my family and friends. And I mean my friends on here as well.

I don't post often but read the thread everyday. I have to say I agree with Whiff and Craftyone. They have Shandy's best interests at heart.
I think local, or at least in the north is by far the best plan. Staying local would be better in terms of cost but also she would know people and the area and would not be starting absolutely everything from scratch.

when I was looking, I looked far and wide into areas I didn`t know. I went to these places, had a cup of tea and got talking to locals. Then I found this house, in my own neck of the woods, only a handful of miles from where I used to live. It`s not perfect since covid restrictions eg the theatre is now mothballed but the little area is still the same, the same shops and the same kindly people and I am sure the groups will spring into action when we get back to normal

Months ago I mentioned to shandy about not discounting her local area and recently I know whiff has emphasised this too. This is very good advice, sometimes the heart hankers after the unattainable but things change and the unattainable moves further into the distance, not least financially. We all have that rosy glow about nice things from the past but often that dream gets shattered with reality. Those of us with experience of moving know that but it is hard to admit and I admit that my own rosy glow about kendal is probably just that, a pipe dream, some of us are in that boat together and some of us have got to the other side

What I am saying is that dream home for you shandy might just be in your backyard, you love your beach, you know the area. You can get a better quality of home in the north east, lower energy bills, better quality of life

willidel you did come over as rather `snipey` to whiff. Whiff is a very wise person with alot of genuine experience and she is worried about our friend,as am I. Perhaps you could put forward some positive advice, its all too easy to just give platitudes or to be denegrating but this is not advice. We have seen shandy over some very bumpy roads and will not let her trip because of lack of information

Hi Wiff, sorry if you feel that I am having a go at you, but I do find some of your comments towards Shandy57 quite rude and critical at times, however that’s just my opinion and as I said earlier I’m sure that you intend well, and are genuinely trying to be helpful. As to what advice I would give Shandy57 (or anyone else for that matter), I wouldn’t offer any advice unless it was specifically asked for, and I certainly wouldn’t presume to tell her where she can or cannot afford to live! Anyway Shandy57, I wish you all the best in your search, have faith in yourself and I’m sure you’ll find a lovely home, wherever that happens to be!

Willidel if you decide to have a go at me at least spell my name correctly.

If you have been following this thread for a time you will no doubt have read my posts. You would see what my journey has been like. Also you would have read all the times I have praised Shandy57 or Mosaicwarts as she used to be called.

How would you try and help someone who is heading for disappointment because they are wasting what money they have?

Shandy57 has said many times she has had to wait for her pension cheque before she could afford something she needed.

Those of us who have moved know how much money it takes especially in the first year.

What advice would you give her as I take it you must have moved yourself?

Hi Craftyone, thank you for the welcome, it’s a small world isn’t it!

Hello Willide1, welcome, how are things in Merthyr these days? I know the area very well. I saw your post from there about a meet up once. I have friends in Dowlais and Treharris

Hi Shandy57, I have been following this thread since way back, although I have not commented before. I just wanted to say that I think you are such a Lovely person and I really hope that you find the perfect home for yourself and your little dog and cat. You have shown so much courage over the past months in dealing with all the disappointments and frustrations over the sale of the station and I think you are so brave even though you may not feel that you are yourself. Have confidence in your own decision making when it comes to deciding on your new home, after all it is you who will have to live there, and you are an intelligent, independent woman who is more than capable of working out what you can or cannot afford!.
Wiff, I’m sure you mean well and only want what is best for Shandy57, however I feel that your advice comes across as rather condescending and disempowering at times.

Shandy57 going to blunt as you do not seem to be listening to any for the excellent advice being given. You are looking at properties out of your price range stop . You have got blinkers on about going south. You can not afford to live in the south. I am basing these on all the things you have said over the months you have been on the thread. The price alone for your train ticket should have made you re think your choices.

What you want in a property with what you can afford you won't get there. I wish you could but it's not possible. Could you really and honestly live in an apartment or terraced house. Especially if there was no allocated parking space. Can you afford maintenance charges?

I've suggested places for in you in a PM but as your computer not working I hope you can read this on your phone. Have you looked a bungalows in your area. I have there are some nice ones and would have what you want. I looked at whole of Northumberland you would have to pick out the good areas as I don't know that part of the country. Buckley Flintshire is also a nice area. My aunt and uncle lived there and had a lovely bungalow. Before they moved to Llanddulas Abergele. To a bigger bungalow.

I really wish you could have what you want and be settled in your new home before Christmas. But you need to have a re think.

Just wish you had close friend who could through everything thing with you. And give you face to face advice.

I just saw your ocado post Ellianne. It wasn`t for MnS that I joined, it was to enable deliveries over winter. I used to be with smartpass and they decided that they could not find my postcode and would not deliver here, so I let it lapse. My postcode works with them now so I have fingers crossed. I see that I can get access to lots of different organic foods and I prefer to choose what I want rather than a pot luck veg box, which contains veggies that I am growing anyway

Such large windows in this flat - and it does not seem to mention that they are double-glazed, which probably means they are not. If that is the case, you could probably be finding heating bills to be very high.

Franbern, I love those steam trains, not running right now and unfortunately it is a real struggle for financial survival. I am a shareholder in the company and have a lifetime pass. I have always had a real `thing` for steam trains, love the smooth running pistons and have been around the engine sheds. I looked for two charities after my husband died and the WSR was one. It helped me through those initial awful dark days, was somewhere nice to go and it was easy to get chatting to other people

Craftyone - the steam train from Minehead was a visit we had planned for this summer. Will now try to do it next year.

Have had two U3A (different groups) zoom meetings this morning.
Shandy, do hope you are reading and taking in all the advice being given to you on here.

Sorry an Historic case not ongoing, but the management of it is ongoing.

Don’t want to scare you Shandy but it has an ongoing Knot weed problem that is ‘being managed’ so I would be very wary of this one.

Good to have all views on this. I am just looking at locations as my speciality.

Shandy, look at the marriage value down this link
www.theadvisory.co.uk/conveyancing/lease-extension-guide/

It looks as though you would be looking at well over 35k to extend the lease.

Shandy I hope you don`t mind me looking. I have a fair bit of experience in self management and share of freehold management companies. I was chair and secretary of the company we had at my last house, to manage the outside communal areas. I hear alarm bells. My husband was also secretary of a management company they set up after arranging for the 42 residents to buy the freehold

4 freeholders and an as needed basis, so any bills, windows, roof, damp etc costs divided by 4. As needed means no reserve, ie no sinking fund, a very big alarm bell. Two flats for sale, next to each other. Two flats left on the top floor. Does the one freeholder own both? will he/she have the casting vote in decisions re maintenance. It also means that you will be restricted on what you can do to the property. The lease is also very short, 199 years from 1957, it will need to be extended at some considerable cost before your solicitor would recommend you buy the apartment. Ours was 999 years

That's good Shandy you're starting to narrow the area down. Without wishing to steer you, I would keep nearer the sea front than heading up to bungalows in Brixington where you could be anywhere. Not sure if your price range will get you in The Avenues area off Satlterton Road, but that is very quiet, safe, not too hilly. Cranford area is nice. Rolle Villas is typical of some of the older big properties. I reckon you could well make offers below the asking price because there's a fair number of these type places coming on the market.

I agree with Franbern more and more and yes, cutting the number of modules down has to make perfect sense, all pupile need a level playing field, whatever school they are in. Children need routine, they need peer group company, they need to play and to be children of whatever age.

I am the only kid on the block here, both neighbours are spending the weekend with relatives, again. This blooming covid has put the dampeners on so many people, created far to many anxious people via media subliminals, too many are scared of their own shadow now. I am the opposite of scared but am selective in where I go, or rather where I am allowed to go

I have a lifetime steam train pass, last year could have gone to minehead for the day, could have gone to NT, don`t want to shop, it is good that gardening is very fulfilling, sounds of birds and being active. I am slowly tidying and re-vamping here and there. I moved 2 roses yesterday, they will be ok, I shortened stems to ease stress on the plants. My rose bed is now complete together with water feature, which I cleaned and moved and will enjoy from a patio bench

I have prepped to make scones for the freezer, am cooking tomato sauce for pasta, also to freeze and have enjoyed a delicious hot chocolate, real chocolate with milk.

Shandy, sash windows are fine, ours are fitted with little bolt thingies which mean that they can't be opened more than a few inches, no burglar could get through the gap!