House share.

When I left home DM packed up all my stuff (we didn't have so much in those days of course) in a large sea trunk and sent it to me courtesy of British Rail. I then had to decide what to keep and what not to keep. It did concentrate the mind.

(I was a little bit older than your DS - not much - and had a flat and a job.)

House sitting is a good idea - I know someone who does it now they are retired.

DC are funny, aren't they, they want to get out there and make a life for themselves but like to think that their room, their things, are just as they were when they left, waiting for them should they decide to return or pop back from time to time!

You have to start living life for yourself now, and I hope you enjoy it very much

Tegan No, not really trying to escape from anything, apart from heartache and that will be with me where ever I am. But I do want to do something for myself before I depart this planet. It does depend on how things go in the next 18 months though as both parents are very poorly and my siblings also need support at this time. But, assuming that things may have settled a little by then, it would be good before I have to undergo more surgery that I can go and have some fun. I will not have any responsibility to put a roof over anyone's head apart from me and my doggie so before DH #2 comes along (I can wish!) then I wouldn't mind feeling the fear and doing it anyway. You can do it too, take the bull by the horns and do a couple of months in Cornwall, especially if you have saved a bit for it. I am sure that the family would manage for a while. Go and fulfill yourself, they will be there when you get back.

Gill Thank you for the idea which you suggested. It does sound like an ideal set up as then I wouldn't have to give this place up but it is a social house house and therefore I do know that I wouldn't be able to out of the house for a length of time or it would go against my tenancy agreement. But for a few weeks, three, four might be doable and then I could find out where I would want to go and live. Excellent idea. If I sat here thinking about the past and how things have gone, it would not do me any good, no one would come and be any different to how they have been in the past and so I have to look towards my own future and get on with it. Thank you for being excited on my behalf, it made me smile.

Good afternoon Rubylady yes I have read your previous postings about the hassle and general disrespect you have been getting from your teenage son, and totally understand your plans for starting a fresh life anew for yourself and your dog. I don't know what will happen re bedroom tax with your son away at University, surely you are entitled to keep a room for him for the 16 or so weeks when he will not be at Uni, but this should not stop you from making plans for yourself, and I have to say your tone of enthusiasm is great to read, after your previous posts. Why not make a half way step, something like register with a house sitting/pet sitting agency? That way you get to live somewhere different at someone else's expense! A friend does this, she has just spent the winter in a large house while the owners are away in South Africa at their other home. Have a look at agencies such as www.homesitters.co.uk. Getting quite excited and enthusiastic on your behalf!

I've always wanted to live in Cornwall and I have been thinking of saving up enough money to rent somewhere on the coast for a few months to get it out of my system; a holiday wouldn't be long enough. I wouldn't mind being there in the winter, either, as it usually doesn't get too cold [or, at least, it didn't when I lived there before]. Whether I could be so far away from my family for months is a different matter, though. Then again [and this could be the case with you ruby] I may just be wanting to escape from something and what I really need to do is to sort my life out where I am now.

Thank you for your lovely comments. I have also thought of packing it all up here and going off to lodge somewhere myself, with my doggie, of course. I looked up some the other day and found some beautiful properties in Scotland. It would be fun to just up sticks, providing my health is no worse, and go and explore, new people, new places before I end up in the inevitable care facility like my dad. They did take pets so that would be no problem as my doggie loves everyone she meets and is only tiny.

My son, however, when I told him I might do this, was not so happy. Even though he gives me such a hard time now, I don't think he likes the idea that mum actually could have a life!

SIL has a weekdays only lodger, something to consider?

I've lodged with a friend, and she cried when I left, so it can't be that bad.

She had many lodgers over the years, only two were not much good, and she has made lots of new friends and goes to stay with them in their new houses. I was her first, but I had known her for a few years beforehand. I always advise people to get in a lodger, none of them have regretted it. Lay down house rules first, so they know where they stand. And remember they will need fridge and freezer space of their own.

Sounds like you need to put yourself first, as you say, rubylady.
Once your son has moved out, make it clear to him that he's an adult now and has to be responsible for himself.
After all, why would he want to stay with someone who doesn't do everything to suit him, anyway?

Thanks amarmai, I intend to be. I'm away this weekend, me and my doggie, peace and quiet, bliss.

I fancy a gay man. Am I allowed to advertise for one?

Be good to yourself, Rubylady. Choose carefully.

Rose No, it would be his room. If the bedroom tax is still in by then, I would need the income as I would not want to downsize again so soon. (Just moved). If he came back from uni, then he would have to blow up a mattress and sleep on the living room floor. I don't know if you have seen any of my other threads about my son but he has been abusive in different ways over the last couple of years and so by then I will be more than ready to move on with my own life. He has eaten up his chances of me thinking of him first, especially with the health problems I have, I have to think of myself first from now on. I do love him and will be there for him and he is staying until he gets into uni, but then he will have to get himself together and look after himself more.

I am looking forward to that time, of finding new people and living with someone who does not want to start a fight every time I open my mouth. And, not being responsible for someone else all the time. I've had it for years now, since looking after my alcoholic mother as a child, looking after my baby sister aged 15, getting married and children of my own, so time for me to feel far more free than I do now. And to have a laugh.

I know someone who lives in a large house and has rented out two downstairs rooms as a self-contained bedsit with shower room and small kitchen. It works well because she likes to be away quite a bit visiting DGCs and enjoying short breaks etc. The lodger keeps an eye on the property, feeds the cat and even mows the lawn in her absence.

I guess it's all about finding the right person.

I was wondering if it is your son's room you will be renting out or another room.
My DC still regarded this as 'home' when they first left and in fact for years afterwards and did boomerang back after uni and travels! Your son may still feel quite possessive about his bedroom so I would tread carefully if you are thinking of renting it to a lodger who would be there all the time.

Otherwise it is a great idea (depending on the lodger of course). I know someone who does it, the lodger goes home at weekends so is just there Monday to Fruday.

We offered a room to a young New Zealander when we lived in London. (We didn't charge him for it.) He stayed with us for more than two years and became one of the family. He still refers to us as his English mum and dad.