Being frail

Choosing your parents is the most important thing, as others have said.
However, it’s not infallible so choosing your children is also important. This is because they can be very useful in enabling you to have an interesting life.
I gave up working at 72 so make room for mum to live with us.
Dad died at 75, the healthiest old man at his funeral! Mum is 98, going to live forever!

77 here,still working as an early morning cleaner about 20 hours a week. I've been very susceptible to falls for many years which has ended up with a good few injuries but I keep going, even when I had a very painful arthritic knee for several months...apparently it's best to keep moving. I also got diagnosed with diverticulitis earlier this year ( we were all relieved it wasn't cancer)
I do feel frail sometimes but mostly I don't feel any different from at any other time of my life.

I am just into my 80s, and at the moment feeling rather old. Several unpleasant things have happened over the last few month that have made DH and I rather wary and anxious. Then last week I developed bursitis of the hip .Your body does these things without a by-your- leave, and you just have to accept as best you can.But I have always been optimistic, so my hip will get better and I am off on holiday soon.

My husband is in his late 80s. A few months ago, he complained of severe headaches at night, he told me he felt as if he had a tumour in his brain.

After examining my DH, his GP concluded that the headaches could be linked to his eyes and ears since he is very deaf, suggested that we booked an appointment with Specsavers and get the latest prescribed glasses. If the headaches persisted, to come back and he would run more tests.

I told the GP that my DH was not drinking enough water. To cut a long story short, it turned out that was the real cause of his headaches – dehydration.

My DH family has very good genes. His mum, dad and his cousins all live well into their late 80s and 90s. Unfortunately, good genes do not run in my family.

I’m 86, and I know I am described medically as frail. I need a walker, and I have heart failure but so far it hasn’t had any symptoms, and is probably controlled by the medication I take.

I am not worried about any of this, but just accept things as they are. My mind is quite lively, and my sons tell me I am no different (except physically) from when I was younger. I can read and watch television, and I enjoy life.

I certainly never thought when I was younger about the possibility of becoming frail. I just got on with life, and I still do.

Life is a lottery really.

I think that unless sickness or some other earlier death takes us, we're all going to end up frail at the end of our natural life. My approach is to try to live an active healthy life until my body makes me stop. Still no guarantees as genetics plays a big role. We can do our best to stay active and healthy but there are no guarantees.

Everything in moderation.

Do not go gentle into that good night in other words, stay active mentally and physically (as others have said).

I’m now past the ages when both my parents died… so I consider myself lucky. Their parents lived to a good age, so the gene factor sadly let them down.

nexus63

i am 63, i never thought of myself as frail but i am, i had cancer then lymph nodes removed and now have severe lymphedema that has affected my bowel and bladder causing me to have to wear pull up pants, there is no cure for lymphedema, at the clinic the first time i was told to try and stay walking but i will end up in a wheelchair, i need a walker outside and can just about manage in the house, lot's of household things that i can't do now, i very seldom go out, usually once a fortnight with my son and dil, it has taken a couple of years to accept that i am now old and getting worse. being the type of person i am, i just need to get on with it and manage the best i can.

Ahh that’s a shame 😞 we just have to take one day at a time.

M0nica

All you can do, and need to do, is to do what we are all told to do: eat a balanced diet, make sure you get adequate physical and mental exercise. Oh, and choose your parents carefully.

Genetic inheritance, is the reason I have outlived my DH and am likely to live even longer.

Hopefully so Monica 👍🏻

I am nearly 68 apparently but still don't feel much different from my 40s certainly not frail. Exercise keeping a strong body core seem a very good idea.
Unfortunately my DH has Lymphadema in his legs which although this doesn't stop us doing anything it is tiresome for him I try to encourage him to walk more as sitting too long is not good.

i am 63, i never thought of myself as frail but i am, i had cancer then lymph nodes removed and now have severe lymphedema that has affected my bowel and bladder causing me to have to wear pull up pants, there is no cure for lymphedema, at the clinic the first time i was told to try and stay walking but i will end up in a wheelchair, i need a walker outside and can just about manage in the house, lot's of household things that i can't do now, i very seldom go out, usually once a fortnight with my son and dil, it has taken a couple of years to accept that i am now old and getting worse. being the type of person i am, i just need to get on with it and manage the best i can.

Thank you for all your comments, good and bad. My mum died because she didn't listen when I said a year before she died that she should get some issues checked out. She said ‘ I’m not there yet’ A year later her body was riddled with cancer. I’m not too sure that anything could have prevented her death, but to watch her die over two weeks was horrible for her. My nan lived until she was 92. She had dementia. Maybe my mum didn’t want to go the way of her mother.

M0nica

All you can do, and need to do, is to do what we are all told to do: eat a balanced diet, make sure you get adequate physical and mental exercise. Oh, and choose your parents carefully.

Genetic inheritance, is the reason I have outlived my DH and am likely to live even longer.

Talking of genetics, I do rather dread inheriting my mother’s longevity, even if it comes without the Alzheimer’s she also had. She went on to 97, but had Alzh. for. around the last 15 years. 🙁
Robust physical health isn’t much of a blessing unless it comes with the mental variety too.

I found it very depressing waiting at the surgery for my Covid and 'Flu jabs. The majority of the patients were hard of hearing, and using aids such as sticks, walking frames or mobility scooters. At 80 none of the above applies to me, although I do have health issues. I do what I can to keep mobile with exercise, but the future looks like being no fun!

I think it's genetic, much as Monica said.

Honestly, with an extremely fit and strong elderly mother who has dementia (as did my gran & most of my aunt/ uncles) I'm not sure it's what I worry most about.

But I think pushing yourself & not resting when you feel a tad tired.
Also being risk aware & not falling... care when walking dog on frosty days, removing trip hazards etc
And all the lifestyle advice above
Will all help.

Enjoyment and health does not need to go bad past 82, hopefully. Never can tell what will happen.
But I intend to do my best about the whole subject.
I will do my best to live well, right into my 90s.

^I keep up with having
more milk than I would like to
more oily fish than I would like too
more vit c than I would like to
etc
you can see where I am going with this.^

I know I need more of those than I would naturally have.

If I had my way I would have icecream, fizzy drinks, precious little fruit and veg
I would be overweight, ill health etc. No thanks.

I intend to live a long life, like my ancestors, if I can.
And mobile.
No arthritis
No need of operations.
If I can.
Doing ok like them, so far.

Keeping mobile.
Hence started an exercise class.
I have never been sporty.
As I age more, I can see that I may need to continue with exercise classes. As long as I can.

All of what I wrote is working well for me so far.

Overdoing it - people know when they are.
Keep doing that, and then there are consequences.

Having more of foods or supplements than you like, is no way to lead a healthy life. You need to find a way to eat a balanced diet in a way that you enjoy.

What is overdoing it? I would rather do as my DH did - die suddenly in his happy place after a happy day than linger on, all enjoyment gone from life, until at last death claims me.

I keep up with having
more milk than I would like to
more oily fish than I would like too
more vit c than I would like to
etc
you can see where I am going with this.

I have also[after about 18 months thinking about it] started an exercise class.

But as M0nica says, genes play a part.
My mum hasnt died yet. Which does I think, make me think of myself as younger than I am.
Plus people comment nowadays that both DH[his relatives on the whole live a long time too] and myself, are looking young for our ages.

I would add that personally, I dont think sitting still for too long[if you are able not to] is healthy for anyone.
And keeping interested in things around you, helps too.

Be careful of footwear.
Be careful about not falling over.

And dont overdo things.
Two friends did.
One suffered a stroke and never properly recovered.
One suffered a heart attack.
They are around your age.

All you can do, and need to do, is to do what we are all told to do: eat a balanced diet, make sure you get adequate physical and mental exercise. Oh, and choose your parents carefully.

Genetic inheritance, is the reason I have outlived my DH and am likely to live even longer.

I think it comes unannounced and creeps up! It’s life and we have to deal with it. Luckily as yet I don’t qualify……yet.